As someone who grew up with overly critical parents, I can attest to the unique struggles and challenges we face as adults.

The constant criticism during our formative years often leaves indelible marks on our personalities and behaviors, shaping us into individuals who exhibit distinct traits.

These traits can range from perfectionism to self-doubt, heightened sensitivity to criticism, or even a tendency to be overly critical ourselves.

Understanding these characteristics is critical, as it can assist us in unraveling the impact of our past on our present and future.

In this article, we will delve into the 7 most common traits that adults who grew up with overly critical parents tend to exhibit.

This understanding can serve as a powerful tool for self-reflection and growth, providing valuable insights into our behaviors and patterns.

1) Acute sense of responsibility

The constant criticism we faced as children may have led us to believe that we were accountable for everything, even situations beyond our control.

This can result in us becoming perfectionists, with the self-imposed pressure to meet high standards and avoid criticism.

This sense of responsibility usually extends into our adult lives and permeates various aspects of our personal and professional life.

We might find ourselves taking on more tasks than we can handle, driven by the fear of disappointing others or facing criticism.

While responsibility is a commendable trait, when taken to an extreme, it can lead to stress and burnout. To manage it, allocate time for self-care activities like exercise and hobbies.

Clearly define boundaries to protect your personal time and energy. Delegate tasks to others when feasible, and learn to decline additional duties that could overwhelm you.  

2) Low self-esteem

The second trait common among adults who grew up with overly critical parents is low self-esteem. The criticism received during childhood can often leave us doubting our worth and capabilities.

We may struggle with feelings of inadequacy, regardless of our actual achievements or abilities.

This constant self-doubt can permeate various areas of our lives. It can affect our relationships, where we may feel unworthy of love or feel the need to constantly prove ourselves.

In our professional lives, we may hesitate to take on new challenges or opportunities, fearing criticism or failure.

Addressing this issue involves acknowledging these feelings and understanding their root cause. An effective approach is to set realistic goals and celebrate achievements, no matter how small.

Therapy or counselling can be beneficial in navigating these feelings and working towards building a healthier self-esteem.

3) Heightened sensitivity to criticism

A third trait that is often prevalent in adults who were raised by overly critical parents is a heightened sensitivity to criticism.

Having been subjected to constant criticism during our formative years, it’s not uncommon for us to become hyper-aware and overly sensitive to any form of criticism as adults.

This sensitivity can manifest in various ways. We might find it challenging to accept constructive criticism or feedback, interpreting it as a personal attack or rejection.

In some cases, we might even anticipate criticism where there is none, leading to undue stress and anxiety.

It’s important to recognize that not all criticism is negative or personal. Constructive feedback can be an opportunity for growth and improvement.

Learning to differentiate between constructive and destructive criticism can be a significant step towards overcoming this sensitivity.

4) Overly self-critical

A fourth trait common among adults who grew up with overly critical parents is being overly self-critical. The constant criticism we faced as children often leads to an internalized voice of criticism as adults.

We might find ourselves constantly scrutinizing our actions, decisions, and even thoughts.

Being overly self-critical can lead to a persistent feeling of never being good enough. It can cause us to undervalue our achievements and magnify our shortcomings.

This can result in increased levels of stress, anxiety, and even depression.

To dodge self-criticism, indulge in self-compassion. Instead of negative self-talk, adopt positive affirmations whenever possible. Embrace your strengths, learn from slip-ups, and prioritize self-care.

Treat yourself as you would a cherished friend. Remember, perfection is a myth—embrace your flaws and thrive!

5) External locus of control

The fifth trait we often see in adults who grew up with overly critical parents is an external locus of control.

This psychological concept refers to the belief that external forces, rather than our own actions, determine the outcomes in our life.

Growing up under constant criticism can lead us to feel that we have little control over our own lives.

We might attribute our successes to luck and our failures to external factors, rather than recognizing the role of our own actions and decisions.

An external locus of control can leave us feeling powerless and can hinder our personal growth.

Shifting towards an internal locus of control – the belief that we have significant control over our own lives – is a crucial part of healing and self-improvement.

6) People-pleasing behavior

The sixth trait frequently observed in adults who grew up with overly critical parents is a tendency towards people-pleasing behavior.

This trait stems from a childhood where our self-worth was often tied to the approval and acceptance of our parents.

As adults, this can translate into a constant need to please others, often at the cost of our own needs and desires. It can cause us to suppress our needs and make us more susceptible to manipulation and exploitation by others.

Keep in mind that we cannot please everyone all the time. In fact, putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own won’t do you any good. Not everyone will appreciate your selflessness.

Some might even see it as an open invitation to treat you like a doormat. 

7) Tendency to be overly critical of others

The final trait in our list is the tendency to be overly critical of others. This often stems from our own experiences of being criticized as children.

We may have internalized the critical behavior of our parents and unknowingly project it onto others.

This trait can impact our relationships significantly. It can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts, as we may come across as harsh or judgmental.

It can also hinder effective communication, as others may feel attacked or defensive.

To combat this tendency, practice empathy by putting yourself in their shoes, focus on their positive qualities, and communicate openly and respectfully.

Bear in mind that everyone has flaws and strengths, and strive to cultivate a mindset of acceptance and understanding.

Strategies for healing and growth

Having identified these seven traits, the next step is addressing them. It’s important to remember that these traits are not permanent, nor do they define us.

They are merely patterns we’ve learned in response to our upbringing. With awareness, patience, and the right strategies, we can unlearn these patterns and foster healthier behaviors.

Seeking professional help through therapy or counseling can be incredibly beneficial. A trained professional can provide a safe space for you to explore your experiences and feelings, and guide you towards healing and growth.

Practicing self-compassion is another powerful tool. Understanding that our behaviors and traits are a result of our past experiences, rather than inherent flaws, can help alleviate feelings of guilt or shame.

Finally, fostering healthy relationships and communication styles can lead to significant improvement in our lives.

Surrounding ourselves with supportive, understanding individuals can provide us with a healthier perspective on relationships and self-worth.