7 traits of adults who didn’t receive much positive reinforcement as a child

Mia Zhang by Mia Zhang | July 12, 2024, 3:18 am

There’s a stark contrast between adults who grew up in a positive environment and those who didn’t get much positive reinforcement as children.

The difference is not just visible in their behavior, but also in their thought patterns and reactions to life’s challenges.

Growing up without much positive reinforcement can shape a person in unique ways.

It often results in certain traits that are distinctly different from those who were frequently encouraged as children.

In this article, we’re going to explore the 7 common traits found in adults who didn’t receive much positive reinforcement during their formative years.

As we delve into these characteristics, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of the lasting impact of childhood experiences on adult behavior.

So, let’s get started and unravel these fascinating insights together.

1) Heightened sensitivity

One common trait that adults who didn’t receive much positive reinforcement as children often exhibit is heightened sensitivity.

This sensitivity can manifest in various ways.

For example, they might be more attuned to people’s emotions, or they might have a heightened response to criticism.

They might also perceive slights where none are intended, or feel overly affected by negative comments or feedback.

This sensitivity can stem from the lack of positive reinforcement in their childhood.

As kids, they may have yearned for approval and validation but didn’t receive it.

As a result, they might be more sensitive to how people perceive them and respond to them.

Now, this trait isn’t necessarily a negative one.

Heightened sensitivity can also mean these individuals are more empathetic and understanding, which can be a great asset in personal and professional relationships.

But understanding this trait can help shed light on why they react the way they do and help us interact with them more effectively.

2) Perfectionism

Perfectionism is another trait that adults who didn’t receive much positive reinforcement as children can possess.

I can personally vouch for this, as it’s a trait that I myself have grappled with.

Growing up, I rarely received praise or validation for my accomplishments. Instead, the focus was always on what could be improved.

This constant search for perfection became a part of my identity, extending into my adult life in a significant way.

Every project, every job, every relationship – there was always this incessant need to make it perfect. And if it wasn’t perfect, I felt like I had failed.

It took a lot of introspection and therapy to realize that this drive for perfection was rooted in my childhood experiences.

Now, don’t get me wrong – striving for excellence isn’t a bad thing. But there’s a thin line between aiming for the best and obsessing over perfection.

It’s essential to recognize when striving for excellence is morphing into an unhealthy obsession with perfection, so you can manage your tendencies and start celebrating progress, not just perfection.

3) Difficulty accepting compliments

For those who didn’t receive much positive reinforcement as a child, accepting compliments can be a real challenge.

When someone praises them, they might dismiss it, downplay it, or even feel uncomfortable.

This is because, during their formative years, they were not accustomed to hearing positive feedback.

Therefore, when they do receive it as adults, it can feel foreign and suspicious.

They might question the motives behind the compliment or doubt its authenticity.

To overcome this, it’s important to start with self-compassion and gradually learn to accept compliments graciously.

Recognizing that compliments are not always loaded with ulterior motives but can be genuine expressions of appreciation is crucial.

With practice and mindfulness, accepting compliments can become less awkward and more empowering, fostering a healthier self-image and more positive interactions with others.

4) Constant self-doubt

Self-doubt is another characteristic that is commonly seen in adults who didn’t receive much positive reinforcement during their childhood.

They might constantly question their abilities, decisions, and worthiness.

The lack of positive reinforcement during their formative years can lead to a deficiency in self-esteem and confidence.

They may have grown up feeling that their efforts were never good enough, which can result in them doubting their capabilities even as adults. 

5) Fear of failure

People who didn’t get much encouragement as kids often end up really afraid of failing.

Without those positive vibes growing up, they might think they’re just not good enough, no matter what they do.

This can make them super cautious—they might avoid trying new things because they’re scared of messing up and confirming their worst fears about themselves.

The thing is, this fear of failure can hold them back from really going for it in life.

They might either try too hard to be perfect, which can be super stressful, or not try much at all to avoid the risk of failing.

Overcoming this means learning to be kinder to themselves and understanding that everyone messes up—it’s just part of life.

Talking to someone like a counselor can help a lot, as they learn to take it easy on themselves and start seeing failure as a chance to learn, not a sign they’re not good enough.

6) Overcompensation

Overcompensation is a common trait as well in adults who didn’t receive much positive reinforcement as children. 

These individuals may feel a constant need to prove themselves, driven by a deep-seated belief that they’re not good enough.

So they might work excessively to prove their worth or going above and beyond to please others.

While this trait can lead to admirable diligence and resilience, it can also result in burnout and dissatisfaction.

Recognizing this tendency to overcompensate is crucial for self-awareness and for fostering healthier work and personal relationships.

7) Resilience

It’s not all bad, though. There’s a good side to it.

Perhaps the most important thing to understand is that many adults who didn’t receive much positive reinforcement as a child often develop a remarkable resilience.

Through their struggles, they learn to rely on themselves and become resourceful and strong.

Despite the challenges they face, they find ways to grow and succeed.

They learn to turn their pain into power, their trials into triumphs.

This resilience, born out of adversity, becomes a defining trait that can drive them to achieve great things.

Embracing the journey

Wrapping up, if you grew up without much encouragement, it might have left you with some tough traits to handle, like being too hard on yourself or shying away from praise.

These aren’t just quirks; they reflect deeper emotional scars from childhood.

But knowing this is really powerful. It’s your first step towards change.

By understanding where these traits and feelings come from, you can start to work on them.

Whether it’s chatting with a therapist or just practicing being kinder to yourself, you can turn these challenges into growth opportunities.

Everyone deserves to feel good about themselves, and it’s never too late to start that journey.