10 traits of a genuinely decent person, according to psychologists
How can you know whether somebody is a generally good person or not?
It’s a subject that philosophers, ethicists and theologians have debated for millennia, trying to define what makes somebody fundamentally decent, worthy and good at heart.
The modern field of psychology has also looked into the subject and come up with some promising insights into the traits of a fundamentally decent person.
Does this sound like you or somebody you know?
Let’s take a look at what they’ve found…
1) Declining malicious actions even when you could get away with them
Being a fundamentally decent person isn’t just about what you do or how well you behave:
It’s about what you do when the gloves are off and you could get away with anything.
In other words, what do you do when you have the genuine chance to be bad and could get away with it?
Without being in a situation where you have the chance to do something very much against your moral code (including something that could be enjoyable), it’s quite difficult to assertively know whether a person is decent at heart.
As psychological researcher Svan E. writes:
“Are you a good person? You may not be a good person, you just have no chance to be bad.”
2) Empathy for what others are going through
The genuinely decent person has true empathy.
This means that they can relate to the struggles and pain of others in a very authentic and unforced way.
They not only understand where others are coming from, but are also able to remain patient and kind when a friend, loved one or colleague is really struggling.
“The empathy definition in psychology is the ability to emotionally understand another person’s feelings by imagining yourself in their position,” notes BetterHelp.
“An empathetic person tends to be able to express an understanding of how others feel and treat them accordingly.”
3) Treating people and situations with fairness
The upright and moral individual treats everybody with fairness and seeks to do the right thing regardless of the situation.
When there is a conflict between others or a morally ambiguous situation, they try their best to play a mediatory role and remain separate from taking sides.
When there is bullying or injustice, they speak up even if it’s not popular. They are fair-minded and care about what’s right.
As psychology professor Ronald E. Riggio Ph.D. asks:
“Do you treat others fairly, giving them credit when credit is due? Do you respect the rights of others? Do you treat others as you would want to be treated?”
4) Tolerance and basic allowance of other opinions and perspectives
Tolerance is a key virtue of the genuinely decent person, but it’s a concept that’s often misunderstood.
In psychological terms, tolerance means having a fairly broad willingness to tolerate other perspectives and points of view even if they don’t really accord to your own.
This is vital for the well-functioning of society and building bridges between people of different cultures and beliefs.
“After all, an atheist is unlikely to persuade a devout Christian to abandon their religion, any more than a Christian can convince an ardent atheist about the veracity of their faith.
However, despite disagreement and even disapproval, both can learn to tolerate each other’s beliefs,” note psychological researchers Kumar Yogeeswaran, Levi Adelman and Maykel Verkuyten.
5) Respecting others without being overly nice or people-pleasing
The truly decent person strikes a natural and easy balance between being too nice and being cold.
They are far from being a people-pleaser or hanging on the approval of others, but they do care about helping out and being a responsible, upstanding individual.
They aren’t afraid to set their own priorities and put themselves first, but they will help if they can.
“At the root of extreme niceness, however, are feelings of inadequacy and the need to get approval and validation from others. Overly-nice people try to please so that they can feel good about themselves,” advises Dr. Marcia Sirota.
6) Telling the truth for its own sake (not to get something)
Many folks are generally honest and prefer to tell the truth.
Not only do they skip any guilty feelings, they also get to feel like a good person.
But psychologists agree that being a truly decent individual has much more to do with being honest even when it doesn’t serve your interests or may be difficult.
Being honest to get something (even a sense of self-satisfaction) usually indicates lurking narcissistic traits and that there is more growing up to do.
“Telling the truth, even if one is reliable in doing so, won’t be an expression of the virtue of honesty if it is done just to make a good impression on others, or to avoid getting punished, or to secure rewards in the afterlife,” writes Professor Christian Miller.
7) Humility and recognition of areas that could use improvement
The truly decent person is humble:
But they aren’t down on themselves or self-hating by any means. They simply approach their own strengths and weaknesses with realism.
They recognize areas where they can improve and areas where they’re doing well. They know that even if they are a talented, world-renowned painter there are other artists who are also incredible.
They don’t cling to a need to be “better” or “best,” and they understand that life can be a win-win situation instead of a constant competition to outdo somebody.
As Anna Katharina Schaffner, Ph.D. explains:
“It is an essential component of moral character that is manifested in modesty, being empathetic, acknowledging and respecting others at a deeper level, and accurately understanding as well as owning our limitations”
8) Guilt at dishonesty or wronging another person in some way
When they do something bad, a decent person feels bad.
Even if they try not to, a sense of organic shame wells up inside them, overpowering their attempts to repress it.
Psychological experiments looking at somebody’s reaction to spilling red wine on a friend’s expensive white rug at a party and then covering it up and not mentioning it.
People responded differently, with some feeling that it wouldn’t be a big deal and other more moral folks feeling that they wouldn’t be able to do this kind of an action without fessing up.
“Some people, their reaction … is, ‘OK, no, I would not feel like a horrible human being. I wouldn’t feel that bad. I guess I shouldn’t have done it.’
And those people don’t do as many moral behaviors,” notes psychology professor William Fleeson.
9) Doing the right thing even when under pressure and not expected to
Life is not a schoolhouse with a strict teacher looking over your shoulder.
There are countless times where we are in a morally questionable situation and must decide what to do on our own accord and our own morals, whether they are informed by our own beliefs, religious precepts or spiritual teachings.
Although “situationist” philosophers have tried to claim that most morality and decent behavior depends on the situation, psychologists have found that a decent person tends to do the right thing under pressure regardless of the situation or other factors.
“Contrary to outdated notions of situational influences overpowering personality influences in people’s everyday lives, the research we reviewed in this essay indicates that the impact of moral character on ethical and unethical behavior is substantial and consequential.”
10) Not hung up on being a ‘good person’
Ironically, a significant psychological factor in being a truly decent person is not clinging to the idea or ideal of being a good person.
The willingness to drop the label and admit that you’re a flawed person in all the shades of gray that involves is one of the best ways to become a better individual.
Allowing the label to slide off about needing to be “right,” “good” or “justified,” allows us to respond to life’s quandaries and crises with authenticity and grace.
As social scientist Dolly Chugh writes:
“When we make mistakes, rather than focusing on defending ourselves against this good-person identity just shattering, we are instead saying, ‘OK, there’s a moment for me to integrate that and do better the next time, to be goodish as a work in progress.’”
