Growing up my mother always told me “don’t be selfish” and “put others first.”

But as an adult, I’ve come to realize that this mindset can sometimes cause more harm than good.

How?

While being selfless is admirable, there are certain times in life when being a little selfish isn’t just okay—it’s essential for your well-being.

In fact, psychology shows that constantly putting others ahead of yourself can lead to burnout, resentment, and damage your mental health.

In this article, we’ll explore 7 crucial times when you should choose yourself, and how embracing a bit of selfishness can actually lead to a more balanced, fulfilling life.

1) When you’re burning out

Ever felt like you’re running on fumes, emotionally and physically drained from the demands of life?

Welcome to burnout central.

Burnout can creep up on you and before you know it, you’re overwhelmed, stressed, and feeling helpless. It’s not a pleasant place to be.

Psychology explains that it’s in these situations showing yourself compassion and being a bit selfish can actually be a lifesaver.

Prioritizing your own needs isn’t selfish—it’s self-preservation.

It’s recognizing that you’re not a machine and you need time to rest, rejuvenate, and recharge.

When you’re on the brink of burnout, it’s more than okay to say “no” to that extra task or to take some time for yourself.

Your mental health will thank you for it and, trust me, you’ll be a better friend, family member, employee—whatever role you play—when you’re not running on empty.

2) When it comes to your own personal growth

Let me share a little story with you.

A few years back, I was offered an incredible opportunity to work abroad.

It was a chance to gain new experiences, build my career, and grow as an individual.

But there was a catch.

Accepting the offer would mean leaving behind my close-knit group of friends and family.

I was torn.

Was I being selfish for considering it?

After all, I would be prioritizing my personal growth over my existing relationships.

After much soul-searching and advice from a trusted mentor, I realized that sometimes, you have to make choices for your own personal growth—even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone and leaving loved ones behind temporarily.

So, I took the leap. And guess what?

Not only did I grow immensely on a professional and personal level, but my relationships back home remained just as strong, if not stronger.

Psychology backs this up; personal development is crucial for our overall well-being and happiness.

Sometimes, this means making decisions that might seem ‘selfish’ to others but are necessary for our own growth.

3) When setting boundaries

You know that feeling when you just can’t say no? When you take on more than you can handle, just to avoid disappointing someone?

I’m sure we’ve all been there.

But here’s a hard pill to swallow—you can’t be everything to everyone and, more importantly, you shouldn’t try to be!

Boundaries are crucial for maintaining our mental health and well-being.

They define what is acceptable to us and what isn’t—they’re our personal rules of engagement.

Setting boundaries might feel selfish at first—after all, you’re essentially telling others what you will and won’t put up with.

But remember, it’s not selfish to protect your peace and mental health.

The reality is, people will treat you how you allow them to treat you.

If you don’t set boundaries, people may unknowingly (or knowingly) cross them, leading to resentment and stress on your part.

4) When investing in self-care

Self-care means doing things that recharge you, make you happy, and help you maintain a balanced lifestyle.

But let’s face it: we often neglect self-care, don’t we?

We put it off because we’re too busy taking care of others or meeting work deadlines.

We feel guilty for even considering spending time or money on ourselves.

However, psychology shows that self-care is vital for our mental health and overall well-being.

When we take time for self-care, we’re better equipped to deal with life’s stresses and challenges.

The next time you want to invest in some quality ‘me time’, don’t hold back.

It’s not selfish to take care of yourself.

In fact, it’s one of the most important things you can do.

5) When pursuing your passions

Picture this: you’ve had a long day at work, your to-do list is never-ending, and you’re feeling overwhelmed—but there’s a painting class you’ve been dying to take, or perhaps a book you’ve been longing to read.

In these moments, it’s easy to disregard your passions and focus instead on responsibilities.

After all, there are more ‘important’ things to do, right?

Wrong.

Here’s something thought-provoking: a study published in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine found that people who regularly engage in their hobbies are 34% less stressed and have lower heart rates.

That’s right! Pursuing your passions isn’t just fun, it’s also good for your health.

Pursue your passions unapologetically, because life isn’t just about fulfilling responsibilities—it’s about finding happiness too.

6) When ending a toxic relationship

Ending relationships is never easy, especially when they’ve been a significant part of your life.

But what if that relationship is harmful to your mental or emotional well-being?

Whether it’s a romantic partner, a friend, or even a family member, toxic relationships can drain you and leave you feeling low—and staying in one because you’re afraid of being ‘selfish’ isn’t healthy.

I want you to know this—choosing to walk away from a toxic relationship is one of the bravest and kindest things you can do for yourself.

You deserve respect, love, and positivity in your life.

If a relationship doesn’t offer that, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being and make the tough decision to let go.

7) When advocating for yourself

Here’s the bottom line.

You have the right to stand up for yourself, to voice your thoughts, feelings, and needs.

To make choices that align with your values and desires.

To pursue what makes you happy, healthy, and fulfilled.

This is called ‘self-advocacy’, and it’s a crucial part of being human.

Being selfish in this context isn’t about disregarding others, but about respecting and valuing yourself.

It’s about not settling for less than you deserve.

Never feel guilty for advocating for yourself. It’s not just okay to do so—it’s absolutely essential.

When you advocate for yourself, you’re not only improving your own life but also setting a powerful example for others to follow.

Final thoughts

If these scenarios resonate with you, it’s time to reevaluate the boundaries between selflessness and self-care.

Being a little selfish isn’t a character flaw, but a necessary part of maintaining mental health and personal well-being.

The journey starts with awareness.

So start noticing the times when you put others before yourself, especially at the cost of your own happiness or peace.

Ask yourself: Is this decision authentic to my needs and desires? Does this align with my values? Am I sacrificing too much of myself?

Being ‘selfish’ in these seven contexts is not just okay—it’s absolutely essential for your overall well-being!