We all want to come across as confident and capable, but there’s a fine line between being assertive and being intimidating. Without even realizing it, you might be scaring people off with your behavior.

This isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about understanding how your actions may be perceived by others.

In this article, I’m going to share 10 things you could be doing that unintentionally make people feel uncomfortable.

When you’re aware of these habits, you can adjust your approach and connect more effectively with those around you. Let’s dive in.

1) Dominating the conversation

Communication is a two-way street. But sometimes, in our eagerness to share our thoughts and ideas, we might inadvertently hog the spotlight.

When you dominate the conversation, it can come across as intimidating and even disrespectful. It might make others feel like their opinions don’t matter, or that they can’t get a word in edgewise.

Never forget, a good conversation involves both speaking and listening. Make an effort to pause and give others a chance to contribute. You’ll not only appear less intimidating, but also gain valuable insights from different perspectives.

But be careful not to go overboard and become too passive—finding the right balance is key.

2) Unapproachable body language

Body language speaks volumes about our mood and intentions. I remember a time when a close friend told me I seemed unapproachable at social gatherings. This surprised me since I didn’t feel that way internally.

After reflecting, I realized my default ‘listening’ face was quite stern, and I often crossed my arms—a classic defensive posture. To others, it looked like I wasn’t open to conversation or connection.

Since then, I’ve made a conscious effort to soften my facial expressions and adopt a more open posture. It made a huge difference in how people reacted to me.

If you’ve been told you’re intimidating, consider how your body language might be contributing to that perception. Small changes can have a big impact on how approachable you appear.

3) Using complex jargon

In many professional environments, using industry-specific jargon is quite common and can even help establish your credibility and expertise. However, when you talk to people outside your field, this jargon can be unintentionally intimidating.

Behavioral and data scientist Dr. Paola Cecchi-Dimeglio points out that effective leaders often use clear, straightforward language. This makes it easier for everyone to understand and engage with what’s being said.

Indeed, people feel more at ease when they can follow the conversation without struggling to understand complex terms. Thus, the next time you’re explaining something complicated, try to put it in simple terms.  

4) Being overly critical

We all strive for perfection in our own ways, and it’s natural to want to share advice or constructive criticism to help others improve. However, being overly critical can often be intimidating and off-putting.

It’s important to remember that everyone is on their own journey and learning at their own pace. Offering unsolicited advice or constant criticism can make people feel judged and belittled.

Instead, try to focus on the positives first, and offer constructive feedback when asked. This approach fosters a more supportive and less intimidating environment.

5) Not acknowledging others

We often get so caught up in our own world that we forget to acknowledge the people around us.

This could be as simple as not greeting someone when you walk into a room, forgetting to reply to messages, or not thanking someone for their help.

While it may not seem like a big deal to you, it can leave others feeling overlooked. Trust me, making a conscious effort to acknowledge others and show appreciation for their contributions can go a long way in creating a more welcoming and less intimidating environment.

6) Always being in a hurry

In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in the rush of daily life. However, constantly being in a hurry can be intimidating to those around us.

When you’re always rushing, it can seem like you don’t have time for anyone or anything else. This can make others feel like they’re an inconvenience or not worth your time.

Taking a moment to slow down and genuinely engage with the people around you can make a huge difference. It shows that you value their presence and are willing to invest your time in them.

This small change can help diffuse any unintentional intimidation and foster stronger connections.

7) Being overly independent

I’ve always prided myself on being independent. I like to solve problems on my own, and I rarely ask for help. While this independence has served me well in many situations, I’ve come to realize that it can sometimes be intimidating to others.

When you’re always the one taking charge and never asking for assistance, it can make others feel like they have nothing to contribute. It can create a distance between you and the people around you, making them feel less needed or valued.

Sometimes, showing a little vulnerability and allowing others to help can actually make you more approachable. It shows that you value their input and trust their abilities, which can bring down any unintentional barriers of intimidation.

8) Avoiding eye contact

While excessive eye contact can sometimes be seen as aggressive, avoiding eye contact entirely can be just as intimidating.

In many cultures, eye contact is a sign of respect and attentiveness. When you don’t meet someone’s gaze, it may seem like you’re dismissive or uninterested in what they have to say, making others feel uncomfortable or unworthy of your attention.

Even if it feels more comfortable to look away, try to maintain an appropriate amount of eye contact during conversations. It’s a subtle way to show respect and engagement, helping you come across as less intimidating.

9) Not showing empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. When we don’t show empathy, it can be unintentionally intimidating.

If someone is sharing a problem or expressing an emotion, and we respond with indifference or a quick fix, it can make them feel unheard or dismissed.

Try to take a moment to truly understand where the person is coming from and respond with kindness and understanding. This simple act of empathy can break down barriers and make you feel more approachable and less intimidating.

10) Not being yourself

The most important thing to remember is this: People are most intimidated when they can’t predict or understand your behavior. And nothing is harder to understand than someone who isn’t being true to who they are.

If you’re constantly changing your behavior to fit what you think others want, it can be disconcerting and intimidating. People can sense when you’re not being authentic, and it creates an atmosphere of unease.

So, be yourself. Embrace your quirks and individuality. Not only will it make you less intimidating, but it will also attract people who appreciate and value the real you.

The power of self-awareness

Understanding our behavior and its impact on others is a personal journey that involves self-awareness, empathy, and adaptability.

Every interaction is a chance to learn and grow. If we notice that our actions might unintentionally intimidate others, it doesn’t mean we need to change who we are. Instead, it’s a reminder to reflect on our behavior and adjust our approach while staying true to ourselves.

The goal isn’t to be less of who you are, but to become more aware of how your actions are perceived. This awareness can greatly improve our relationships and conversations.