We all carry around a heavy bag of regrets, mistakes, and moments we wish we could undo.

It’s easy to be our own harshest critic, replaying past missteps and holding ourselves to impossibly high standards.

But what if I told you that learning to forgive yourself is one of the most powerful ways to heal and move forward? 

According to psychology, learning to forgive ourselves is a crucial step towards achieving emotional well-being and a happier life.

But how do we go about doing this?

In this article, I’ll share nine things you should start forgiving yourself for, as supported by psychological studies. 

My hope is that by the end of this piece, you’ll have a clearer understanding of why self-forgiveness is so important and how you can start practicing it in your daily life.

1) Not meeting everyone’s expectations

As human beings, we’re often conditioned to please everyone around us, from family and friends to colleagues and bosses.

However, this is an impossible task, and trying to meet everyone’s expectations can leave us feeling drained and inadequate.

You might find yourself constantly worrying about letting people down or not living up to the image they have of you.

Maybe you skip your personal hobbies to accommodate others’ needs or constantly overwork yourself to meet your boss’s high standards.

But here’s the truth: You are not responsible for other people’s happiness.

Their expectations are their own, and it’s okay if you can’t meet them all the time.

Instead of feeling guilty, try to focus on your own needs and aspirations. 

2) Past mistakes

We all have chapters in our lives that we wish we could rewrite.

Actions we regret, words we wish we could take back, or decisions that didn’t turn out as expected.

These past mistakes can haunt us, causing unnecessary stress and self-doubt.

You might find yourself replaying these scenarios over and over again in your head, wondering what could have been if you’d acted differently.

Maybe you’re holding onto guilt for a past mistake, allowing it to dictate your present and future.

But holding onto past mistakes doesn’t change them. What it does do is rob you of your present happiness and potential future joy.

It’s important to remember that mistakes are a part of being human.

They are opportunities for growth, learning, and personal development.

So instead of berating yourself for them, try to see what lessons they’ve taught you.

3) Your physical appearance

In a world that constantly broadcasts an ideal image of beauty, it’s easy to find ourselves criticizing our own physical appearances.

Maybe you don’t like the shape of your nose, the size of your thighs, or the color of your hair.

You might find yourself comparing your looks to others, even going to extreme lengths to change your physical attributes, all in the quest of fitting into societal standards of beauty.

But here’s the thing: every single person is unique and beautiful in their own way, and that includes you.

The differences we all have are what make us special and distinguish us from everyone else.

So instead of dwelling on your perceived physical ‘flaws’, start embracing them.

They’re a part of you, and they contribute to making you the extraordinary individual you are.

4) Not being where you thought you’d be by now

Maybe you had a plan – by 25, you’d have a thriving career, by 30, you’d be married with kids, by 35, you’d own a house.

But life didn’t follow your timeline, and now you find yourself feeling like a failure because you’re not where you thought you’d be.

You might lay awake at night, wondering where it all went wrong.

Maybe you feel like time is running out, and that you’re constantly playing catch-up with everyone else.

But here’s the raw truth: life rarely goes according to plan.

There are twists and turns, unexpected setbacks, and opportunities that lead us down paths we never anticipated.

It’s okay if your journey doesn’t look like everyone else’s.

It’s okay if it takes longer to reach your goals.

Your worth isn’t defined by your achievements or the timeline on which they happen.

So forgive yourself for not being where you thought you’d be by now and instead, focus on appreciating where you are and how far you’ve come. 

5) Not being strong all the time

We often put an immense amount of pressure on ourselves to be strong, to keep it together, to not show any signs of weakness.

This is especially true when we’re dealing with adversity or going through hard times.

You might hide your true feelings, put on a brave face and pretend everything is okay when inside, you’re hurting. 

But the truth is, it’s perfectly okay to not be okay sometimes.

It’s okay to feel your emotions, to cry, to ask for help.

Strength isn’t about being unbreakable; it’s about acknowledging your feelings and knowing it’s okay to fall apart sometimes.

So forgive yourself for those moments when you feel weak or vulnerable.

Being vulnerable makes us human and allows us to grow stronger.

You are doing the best you can, and that in itself is an act of courage.

6) Not standing up for yourself in the past

We’ve all had moments where we wished we spoke up, stood our ground, or defended ourselves.

Maybe it was against a bully in school, an overbearing boss, or even a dismissive friend.

You might replay these situations in your head, beating yourself up over your silence.

Perhaps you think that if you had spoken up, things would have turned out differently.

But here’s something to remember: hindsight is 20/20.

At that moment, you did what you thought was best or maybe what you felt was the only option.

It’s unfair to judge your past actions based on the knowledge and growth you’ve experienced since then.

So forgive yourself for not speaking up when you wish you had.

Instead of dwelling on the past, use it as a learning experience to help you advocate for yourself in the future.

7) Those embarrassing moments

We’ve all had cringe-worthy experiences that make us want to hide under a rock.

Maybe you tripped in front of a crowd, spilled coffee on your shirt during an important meeting, or had a Freudian slip at the worst possible time.

In quiet moments, these embarrassing memories might pop up, making you wince and wish for a do-over. 

But here’s a light-hearted truth: we’ve all been there. Everyone has a collection of blush-inducing memories.

Most importantly, people are often too caught up in their own lives to remember your embarrassing moment.

So, forgive yourself for those awkward mishaps. Instead of cringing, why not laugh at them?

These moments add a dose of humor to life and make great stories to tell.

8) Holding onto toxic relationships

Maybe you’ve kept people in your life who don’t treat you well.

Friends who belittle you, partners who don’t respect you, or family members who take advantage of you.

You might blame yourself for not cutting ties sooner, for ignoring the red flags, or for allowing them to treat you poorly.

But here’s some tough love: you can’t change the past, and blaming yourself won’t make it better.

It’s time to stop beating yourself up over the toxic relationships you’ve endured.

Instead, forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before.

Use this as a stepping stone to set boundaries and demand respect in all your relationships moving forward. 

9) Not loving yourself enough

Perhaps the most important thing you should start forgiving yourself for is not loving yourself enough.

You might have prioritized others over yourself, neglected your own needs, or been overly critical of yourself.

Maybe you’ve spent too much time focusing on your flaws, or trying to fit into someone else’s ideal, that you’ve forgotten to appreciate and love yourself for who you are.

But here’s the key takeaway: You are enough just as you are.

You are deserving of love, respect, and happiness, especially from yourself.

Forgive yourself for the times you haven’t loved yourself enough and start prioritizing self-care, self-love, and self-acceptance. 

Final thoughts

As we journey through life, we are all bound to make mistakes, stumble, and have moments of self-doubt.

But what’s important is not to dwell on these missteps, but to learn from them and forgive ourselves.

Forgiving yourself isn’t just about absolving guilt; it’s about freeing yourself from the chains of past mistakes and allowing space for growth and healing.

By forgiving yourself for these nine things, you open the door to greater self-compassion and inner peace.

So consider this; Are there areas where you’ve been too hard on yourself? Do you need to show yourself a little more kindness and forgiveness?