If you’ve grown up with parents who made mistakes, you might be struggling with resentment or frustration. So, we are all on the same boat.

It’s not always easy to forgive, especially when the people you’re trying to forgive are your parents.

They may have said things they shouldn’t have, or didn’t support you in ways you needed. But holding onto those grudges isn’t healthy. In fact, according to psychology, there are certain things you should start forgiving your parents for.

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual. And just like you, your parents are human too. They’ve made mistakes along the way, and it’s important to remember that nobody’s perfect.

This isn’t about excusing their behavior or forgetting what happened. It’s about understanding and learning to let go for your own well-being.

Below, we’ll explore eight things you should consider forgiving your parents for, based on psychological research. Let’s dive in.

1) Not being perfect

Let’s face it, none of us are perfect. And that includes our parents too.

It’s not uncommon for us to hold our parents to a higher standard, expecting them to always say the right thing or make the right choices.

But the reality is that they’re human and they make mistakes.

For example, they might not have always been there for you when you needed them. Maybe they missed your school play or didn’t get you that toy you wanted for your birthday.

These things can hurt, especially when we’re young and don’t fully understand why they happened.

But holding onto these grudges from the past can be harmful to our mental health. Remember, your parents were doing the best they could with what they had at the time.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or excusing their behavior. It’s about acknowledging what happened, understanding why it might have happened, and letting go of the negative feelings associated with it.

This can help improve your relationship with your parents and also boost your own emotional well-being.

2) Their own upbringing

We often forget that our parents were once children themselves, raised by their own set of parents.

Their parenting style, the way they communicate, their values, and how they handle situations are all deeply influenced by their own upbringing.

For example, if your parents were raised in a home where emotions weren’t openly discussed, they might struggle with expressing their feelings or understanding yours.

Similarly, if they grew up in a strict household, they might have imposed the same strictness on you.

It’s not about blaming grandparents for your parents’ faults. It’s about understanding that your parents’ behaviors and attitudes are often a result of their own experiences.

This doesn’t absolve them of their mistakes, but it can provide context and help you empathize with them.

Forgiving them for this might seem unconventional. After all, shouldn’t they have overcome their past?

But remember, change is hard and old habits die hard.

Understanding this can open the door to forgiveness and potentially facilitate a more open conversation about your shared family history.

3) Not meeting all your needs

As children, we look to our parents to meet all our needs, both physical and emotional. But the truth is, no parent can fulfill this expectation completely.

Our parents might have provided food, shelter, and education, but perhaps they fell short in fulfilling our emotional needs. Maybe they weren’t great at showing affection or didn’t know how to help us navigate our feelings.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, a well-known psychological theory, explains that we have different levels of needs. These range from basic needs like food and water to higher-level needs like love, esteem, and self-actualization.

While our parents may have met our basic needs, they might have struggled with meeting these higher-level needs.

This isn’t an excuse for their shortcomings but it’s important to understand that fulfilling all needs, especially emotional ones, is a task that even the best parents can struggle with.

Forgiving your parents for not meeting all your needs doesn’t mean you’re saying it was okay. It means you’re acknowledging that they’re human and fallible, just like everyone else.

This understanding can free you from the resentment you might carry, leading to a healthier relationship with your parents and yourself.

4) The times they weren’t there

There might have been times when you needed your parents the most, and they weren’t there for you.

Perhaps they were absent during crucial moments of your life, or maybe they were physically present but emotionally distant.

These moments can leave scars that last long into adulthood.

It’s important to remember, though, that life can be complicated. Our parents may have been dealing with their own problems – financial stress, health issues, or maybe they were grappling with their own emotional battles.

Just as we sometimes struggle to juggle our responsibilities and personal life, our parents likely faced the same challenges.

They might not have been able to give you the attention you needed at certain moments, not because they didn’t care, but because they were overwhelmed by their own circumstances.

By forgiving them for these absences, we’re not erasing the pain that was caused. Instead, we’re acknowledging that life is complex and sometimes people fall short despite their best intentions.

This act of forgiveness can be a powerful step towards healing and understanding.

5) Their lack of understanding

There may have been moments in your life when you felt completely misunderstood by your parents.

Maybe they didn’t get your passion for art, your love for rock music, or the way you chose to dress. Perhaps they didn’t understand your struggles at school or why you wanted to change your career path.

These misunderstandings can create a deep sense of isolation and make us feel as though our parents don’t truly know us. It’s a common experience, one that can create a rift between parents and their children.

But consider this: our parents come from a different generation with different experiences, beliefs, and societal norms. What seems natural to us might seem foreign to them.

Just as we sometimes struggle to understand their love for disco music or their aversion to technology, they may struggle to understand aspects of our lives.

Forgiving them for these misunderstandings is about recognizing that everyone has their own perspective shaped by their unique experiences. It’s about opening a dialogue where both parties can learn from each other and grow together.

6) The pressure to succeed

Many of us have felt the weight of high expectations from our parents. Maybe you were expected to get straight A’s in school, excel at sports, or follow a certain career path.

This pressure can often feel overwhelming and, at times, even unachievable.

For instance, consider a young girl who loved painting and dreamt of becoming an artist. But her parents, worrying about the instability of an art career, pushed her to pursue law instead.

They believed they were guiding her towards a secure future but she felt stifled and disconnected from her own dreams.

The intentions of our parents are usually rooted in love and concern for our well-being. They want to see us succeed and often, they believe they know what’s best for us based on their own life experiences.

Forgiving them for this pressure is about acknowledging their good intentions while also understanding that their definition of success might differ from ours.

It’s about opening up a conversation around individual dreams and aspirations and finding a common ground.

7) Their failures

It’s a hard pill to swallow but sometimes, our parents fail us.

They make promises they can’t keep, they break trust, or they let us down when we need them the most.

These failings can leave deep wounds and can be difficult to forgive.

However, holding onto these feelings of hurt and betrayal doesn’t serve us in the long run. It keeps us stuck in the past and prevents us from moving forward.

It’s crucial to remember that our parents are not invincible superheroes, but flawed human beings who make mistakes.

Yes, they might have failed you in certain ways, but dwelling on these failures won’t change what happened.

Instead, use these experiences as a platform for growth. Learn from them and decide how you want to lead your life differently.

Forgiveness here isn’t about forgetting what happened, but about taking control of your own narrative and not letting past disappointments dictate your future.

It’s about accepting the past, learning from it, and making peace with it.

8) Their inability to change

One of the hardest things to accept is that we can’t change other people, no matter how much we want to. This includes our parents.

We might wish for them to be different, to understand us better, or to change their behaviors, but ultimately, the change has to come from them.

It’s frustrating and heartbreaking when we see our parents stuck in their ways, especially when it affects our relationship with them.

We crave for their acceptance, understanding, and love.

However, the key here is acceptance.

Accepting them for who they are, with all their flaws and shortcomings, can be liberating. It allows us to let go of the expectation that they will change and helps us focus on our own growth and happiness.

Forgiving them for their inability to change doesn’t mean you’re settling for less. It means you’re choosing peace over conflict and self-love over resentment.

Of all the things to forgive your parents for, this might be the most significant and powerful step towards healing.

Conclusion

Forgiveness is a deeply personal journey, and it’s not always easy—especially when it comes to forgiving our parents.

But remember, it’s not about excusing their actions or forgetting the past. It’s about freeing yourself from the burden of resentment and paving the way for healing.

This article has hopefully provided some insights into what you might want to consider forgiving your parents for, based on psychological understanding.

Ultimately though, the decision to forgive is yours, and yours alone.

Always remember, forgiveness is for you. It’s about letting go of what hurts and focusing on what brings joy, peace, and growth in your life.

And being truly emotionally healthy means having the strength to forgive, not because others deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.

Here’s to moving forward, healing old wounds, and cultivating healthier relationships—with our parents and with ourselves.