Let’s be honest—we all have a checklist for our ideal partner.

But sometimes, that list does more harm than good.

I’m Tina Fey from the Love Connection blog, and as a relationship expert, I’ve seen plenty of heartbreak and triumph.

It’s time to let go of some of those “must-haves” on your list!

In love, it’s about releasing expectations and embracing the unexpected.

Trust me, it could be a game-changer in your journey to find real love!

1) Perfection

Let’s face it, nobody is perfect.

We all have our quirks, flaws and idiosyncrasies—and yet, so many of us are in the pursuit of finding a partner who checks all the boxes on our ‘perfect’ list.

It’s an enticing idea; the thought of a partner who never disappoints, never gets angry, who’s always understanding and supportive.

But, remember, it’s just that – an idea.

The harsh reality is that this ‘perfect’ person doesn’t exist.

People are complex, they make mistakes and they have bad days.

Chasing after an illusion of perfection can lead to a lot of heartache and disappointment.

Instead of setting yourself up for a fall by looking for Mr. or Ms. Perfect, focus on finding someone who is perfect for you – with all their imperfections.

This shift in perspective can make all the difference in your search for love.

2) Financial independence

Money matters can be a tricky topic in relationships.

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen many people who believe that their partner needs to be financially independent or well-off.

The thing is, love isn’t about bank balances.

Sure, it’s important to find someone responsible and capable of taking care of themselves.

Yet, equating financial independence with personal worth or relationship potential can be misleading.

In the wise words of famed philosopher, Seneca, “Wealth is the slave of a wise man. The master of a fool.”

Money isn’t everything; it doesn’t define a person’s character or how much love they can give.

I’ve seen couples with varying financial backgrounds build strong, loving relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.

So don’t let money cloud your judgment in love.

Love is about connection, compatibility and shared values.

Let these guide your search for a partner, not their bank account balance.

3) The idea of a “soulmate”

The concept of a soulmate can be quite enchanting.

The notion that there’s one person out there who is the perfect match for you is enticing, to say the least.

But here’s the truth: finding love isn’t about finding a predetermined soulmate.

It’s about building a connection with someone who respects, understands, and cares for you.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into how the idea of a ‘soulmate’ can often lead to unhealthy attachment and codependency in relationships.

Instead of waiting for that perfect ‘soulmate’ to come along, focus on developing a healthy relationship with yourself first.

This self-love and understanding will then naturally attract healthy and loving relationships into your life.

4) Common interests

 

Now, this might come as a surprise.

Common interests are often seen as the foundation of a good relationship.

After all, who doesn’t want a partner who shares the same love for hiking, cooking, or binge-watching Netflix shows?

But here’s the twist: constantly seeking someone with the same interests can limit your perspective and growth in a relationship.

Sure, shared interests are great for breaking the ice and having fun together.

But it’s also important to remember that differences can bring depth and enrichment to a relationship.

Different hobbies, passions, and perspectives can open your eyes to new experiences, knowledge, and ways of seeing the world.

It can make your relationship more exciting and dynamic!

5) An “impressive” resume

In this digital age, it’s easy to get caught up in the allure of impressive online profiles.

A partner with an Ivy League education, a high-flying job, or a string of impressive accomplishments can seem incredibly appealing.

But here’s a little secret from me: an impressive resume doesn’t equate to a great partner.

In a relationship, qualities like kindness, understanding, and emotional availability are far more important than an individual’s professional accolades.

Don’t get me wrong, ambition and success are admirable qualities and can be attractive!

But they aren’t the be-all and end-all when it comes to relationships.

Look beyond the resume.

Seek out qualities like empathy, patience, and a good sense of humor.

These are the traits that truly make for a supportive, loving partner.

6) A flawless past

Let’s get real here.

Everyone has a past; everyone has made mistakes, and everyone carries some baggage—it’s part of being human!

Yet, many of us seek a partner with a spotless past.

We tend to shy away from potential partners who’ve had their fair share of hardships or heartbreaks.

But here’s the raw truth: A person’s past doesn’t define their future or their ability to love and be loved.

In fact, it’s often through these tough times that people learn, grow, and become stronger.

It’s these experiences that shape them into the person they are today.

Everyone deserves love and a second chance: a flawed past does not mean a flawed future!

7) The “right” physical appearance

Physical attraction is important, I won’t deny that. But it’s not everything.

In today’s image-obsessed culture, it’s easy to get caught up in the quest for a partner who fits the society’s ‘ideal’ physical appearance.

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, and it’s more than skin deep.

The physical appearance of a person changes with time, but their character, values, and the way they treat you? Those are what truly matter.

Like Audrey Hepburn once said, “The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.”

This applies to all genders and is a reminder that true beauty comes from within.

8) The ability to “complete” you

Let’s be brutally honest here: the idea that you need someone to ‘complete’ you is a myth.

You are a whole and complete person on your own, and you don’t need someone else to fill a void in your life.

In reality, seeking someone to ‘complete’ you can lead to codependency and an unhealthy imbalance in a relationship.

It places an unfair burden on your partner and can create unrealistic expectations.

True love is about two complete individuals coming together to share and enrich each other’s lives, not to fill gaps in each other’s existence.

Happiness comes from within; don’t seek it in someone else, because you hold the key to your own happiness!

Conclusion

There you have it – 8 things you should simply stop looking for in a partner.

Love is not about finding a perfect person but accepting someone as they truly are, with all their quirks and flaws.

It’s about two complete individuals coming together to share in each other’s lives.

But don’t just take my word for it!

Dive deeper into these topics and more in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

Here’s to healthier, happier love stories!