Navigating conversations with a stressed partner can feel like walking on eggshells.

One wrong word and it can all blow up. You might be trying to help, but sometimes your words may do more harm than good.

That’s the tricky thing about stress. It’s not always logical, and what might seem like an innocent comment can turn into a heated argument in a heartbeat.

As Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and well-seasoned relationship expert, I’ve seen it all.

Believe me when I tell you that there are certain phrases that can instantly ramp up tension rather than bring it down.

In this article, let’s delve into eight things you should never say to your partner when they’re under stress.

Take note, and you might just find your conversations becoming more constructive and less explosive.

1) “Calm down!”

Telling a stressed person to “calm down” is like throwing water on a grease fire.

It seems like a good idea, but trust me, it’s not.

In stressful moments, emotions run high and logic often takes a backseat.

People under stress are looking for empathy and understanding, not commands.

Telling your partner to “calm down” can come off as dismissive and invalidating. It’s as if you’re saying their feelings aren’t important or that they’re overreacting.

Instead of asking them to suppress their feelings, try acknowledging them.

Phrases like “I understand why you’re upset” or “I’m here for you” can go a long way in diffusing tension.

But most importantly, listen.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just let them vent. Trust me on this, I’ve been dealing with couples for years.

2) “You’re overthinking this.”

Let me tell you, as a relationship expert and someone who’s had her fair share of personal tiffs, telling your partner they’re overthinking things is a recipe for disaster.

When your partner is under stress, their brain is working overtime trying to find solutions and anticipate outcomes.

Telling them they’re overthinking can seem like you’re dismissing their concerns, which can make the situation even more stressful.

Instead of minimizing their worries, try to offer support and reassurance.

You might say something like “I see you’re really concerned about this. Can I help you work through it?”.

Remember what Albert Einstein once said: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them”.

Sometimes, the perspective of a loved one can offer the fresh viewpoint needed to tackle an issue.

3) “It’s not a big deal!”

Honey, I can’t stress this enough. Telling your stressed partner “it’s not a big deal” is like pouring salt on a wound.

What might not seem significant to you could be a huge issue for them.

By dismissing their concerns, you’re inadvertently telling them that their feelings don’t matter.

And trust me, that can take a toll on any relationship.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I discuss how important it is to validate each other’s emotions and concerns, no matter how trivial they may seem.

Instead of downplaying their stress, try saying something like “I see that this is really important to you. Let’s figure out how to handle it together.”

It’s not about the size of the issue but how it makes your partner feel.

By validating their feelings, you’re showing them that you’re there for them, in good times and in stressful ones.

Trust me, it makes all the difference.

4) “I told you so!”

Let’s be honest: No one likes to hear “I told you so”, especially when they’re already stressed out.

It not only feels patronizing but it also adds a layer of blame and regret to the mix.

And trust me, that’s the last thing anyone needs when they’re under stress.

Even if you did predict the outcome, bringing it up isn’t going to help the situation. In fact, it might make your partner feel even worse.

Instead of pointing out that you were right, focus on what can be done now to resolve the issue.

Offering solutions or even a comforting shoulder to lean on can be much more beneficial.

5) “It could be worse.”

Here’s something I’ve learned from years of being a relationship expert and just plain old living: trying to downplay someone’s stress by saying “it could be worse” rarely helps.

Just because someone else may have it worse doesn’t make your partner’s stress any less valid.

Stress is subjective and personal; what’s small to one person might be significant to another.

Instead of comparing their situation to others’, acknowledge their feelings.

A simple “I can see you’re really stressed, how can I help?” can work wonders.

6) “You always…” or “You never…”

Using absolutes like “always” and “never” during a stressful conversation with your partner is like setting a match to a powder keg. It’s destructive and rarely ends well.

These words imply that your partner’s behavior is a constant, unchangeable fact.

It places blame, builds resentment, and can make them feel attacked or defensive.

Instead of accusing them of always doing this or never doing that, try expressing how their actions make you feel.

Use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. For example, instead of saying “You never listen to me”, try saying “I feel unheard when I talk about my feelings.”

Communication is key in any relationship, and how you phrase your concerns can make a huge difference.

7) “You’re just tired.”

Sure, fatigue can make everything seem worse than it is sometimes.

But saying “you’re just tired” to your partner when they are stressed, can come off as dismissive of their feelings and concerns.

It invalidates their stress by attributing it to a physical condition, rather than acknowledging the genuine issue at hand.

Instead of brushing off their stress as mere exhaustion, try offering understanding and support.

You might say something like, “Why don’t we take a break and talk about it after you’ve rested?”

8) “Just get over it!”

Here’s the raw truth: telling your stressed partner to “just get over it” is one of the worst things you can say.

It’s dismissive, insensitive, and honestly, quite hurtful.

Stress is not a switch you can just turn off. It’s a response to a situation that your partner finds overwhelming.

Telling them to just get over it implies that their feelings are trivial and easy to dismiss.

Instead of rushing them to move on, offer your support. Say something like, “I’m here for you. Let’s work through this together.”

Remember, stress isn’t solved by ignoring it or brushing it under the rug.

It’s solved by facing it head-on, together. It might be raw, it might be uncomfortable, but it’s real, and it’s honest.

So let’s ditch the “just get over it” and replace it with empathy, understanding, and patience.

Trust me, your relationship will be stronger for it.

Conclusion

Navigating stress in a relationship can be tricky, but it’s all about understanding and empathy.

The words you use can either add fuel to the fire or help extinguish it.

These eight phrases to avoid are just the tip of the iceberg. There’s so much more to learn about effective communication during stressful times in a relationship.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into these topics and more.

It’s a valuable resource for anyone looking to improve their relationship communication and navigate stressful times more effectively.

Choose your words wisely, especially when your partner is under stress.

Your relationship will thank you for it!