7 things you should never reveal too soon in a relationship, according to psychology

Isabella Chase by Isabella Chase | August 16, 2024, 3:07 pm

Ever heard the saying “honesty is the best policy”? It’s a rule many of us live by, especially when it comes to relationships.

But there are things that psychology suggests you should keep under wraps, at least in the early stages of a relationship.

Don’t get me wrong.

I’m not encouraging you to lie or be dishonest. Far from it! But we’ve all been in that situation where we’ve shared something a bit too prematurely, right? And we’ve seen how it can sometimes backfire.

So, if you’re finding yourself asking “What should I avoid disclosing too early in a relationship?” – hold tight.

I’m about to dive into seven key things that, according to psychology, you should play close to your chest when a relationship is still blooming.

1) Your past relationship baggage

Let’s face it.

We’ve all got a little (or a lot of) baggage from our past relationships. And while it’s important to eventually share these experiences with your partner, divulging this too early may not be the best move.

Here’s why.

Sharing your relationship history too soon can create unnecessary worry or tension. It might imply that you’re still hung up on your ex, even if that’s not the case. And who wants to feel like they’re competing with a ghost?

The solution?

Take your time. Let your new relationship establish its own rhythm and identity before unpacking your past. 

2) Your deepest insecurities

We all have them, don’t we?

Those deep-seated insecurities that nag at our confidence and self-worth. While it’s crucial to be vulnerable in a relationship, leading with your insecurities might not be the best strategy.

Let me share a personal experience.

Years ago, I started dating someone, and within the first few weeks, I decided to reveal my biggest insecurity – my fear of abandonment due to an event from my childhood. My intention was to be open and honest, but it backfired.

Instead of fostering understanding, it made them uncomfortable and unsure of how to navigate the relationship. I realized then that timing matters when it comes to sharing our deepest fears and insecurities.

So, here’s what I suggest.

Take some time to let the relationship grow. Allow its roots to become strong and deep.

Then, when you both are comfortable and trust has been established, you can begin to share those deeper insecurities.

3) Your family’s dirty laundry

So, you have an eccentric uncle who believes he’s been abducted by aliens. Or perhaps a sibling who constantly borrows money and never pays it back. Maybe your parents’ marriage fell apart in a very messy divorce.

We all have a few skeletons in our family closet.

But here’s the thing – your new partner doesn’t need to know all the gritty details straight off the bat.

Why?

Because, it’s not just about you anymore. According to research, by sharing your family’s weaknesses and shortcomings, you’re indirectly shaping your partner’s perception of them too. And it’s not fair to anyone involved.

Let your partner form their own opinions about your family based on their interactions and experiences. Let them see your family for who they are, not just for their mistakes or eccentricities.

Of course, there will come a time when sharing these aspects of your family history might be necessary and appropriate. But let that time come naturally. Don’t rush it.

In the end, we all want our partners to understand and accept not just us, but our families too. And that acceptance is more likely to happen if we allow them to see the good, the bad, and the quirky in their own time.

4) Your financial struggles

Money – it’s one of the most challenging topics to discuss in a relationship, isn’t it?

We all face financial ups and downs. Maybe you’re paying off a hefty student loan, or perhaps you’re striving to get out of credit card debt.

While it’s necessary to have financial transparency in a relationship, sharing your monetary struggles too early can be a red flag.

Here’s the deal.

Money matters can make people uncomfortable. Revealing your financial problems prematurely can put undue pressure on your partner and potentially create an imbalance in your relationship.

It might also give them the impression that you’re not financially responsible, even if that’s not truly the case.

So, how should you handle it?

Wait until your relationship is on solid ground before delving into deep financial discussions. Once you reach a point where you’re considering a shared future, that’s when these matters become pertinent.

5) Your long-term plans

Ever heard of the saying “life is what happens when you’re busy making plans”? It’s a bit of wisdom from the great John Lennon, and it applies perfectly here.

Sharing your five-year plan on the third date? It might sound like you’re just showing that you’re serious and goal-oriented, but it can come across as overwhelming or even intimidating to your partner.

Let’s get real.

Early in a relationship, everyone is still figuring things out. There’s a natural process of discovery, as you learn about each other’s likes, dislikes, dreams, and aspirations.

Unveiling your detailed long-term plans too soon can make your partner feel rushed or pressured to fit into a pre-determined mold.

So what’s the alternative?

Take it slow. Enjoy the ride. Allow your relationship to unfold naturally. Discuss your dreams and aspirations, but avoid setting expectations too early.

In due time, when the relationship has matured and you both see a future together, that’s when it’s appropriate to delve into long-term planning. And who knows? By then, your plans might beautifully align or even become shared dreams.

6) Your health issues

Health is a deeply personal topic. Whether it’s a chronic condition, mental health issue, or even a family history of certain diseases, these are serious matters that deserve serious conversations.

But here’s the catch.

While it’s vital to be upfront about any significant health issues, sharing this information too early can often lead to misunderstandings or fear.

Think about it this way.

Your partner is still getting to know you – the real you. They’re discovering your strengths, your quirks, your passions.

Revealing a significant health issue before they’ve had a chance to see you in your fullness can unintentionally create a narrow lens through which they view you.

So here’s the plan.

Allow your relationship to grow and deepen before discussing any serious health issues.

Once there’s a foundation of trust and understanding, sharing such sensitive information will be received with empathy and compassion.

You are not defined by your health conditions. You are so much more than that. And a strong relationship will allow your partner to see and cherish that truth.

7) Your expectations of them

We all enter relationships with expectations, don’t we? However, revealing these expectations too early can put unnecessary pressure on your partner and potentially set the relationship up for failure.

Here’s the thing.

Each person is unique, with their own strengths, flaws, and quirks. By setting expectations early, you risk imposing your ideals on your partner, stifling their individuality and freedom in the process.

What’s the alternative?

Let them show you who they are. Discover what makes them laugh, what makes them tick, their dreams and fears. Embrace their individuality and let them surprise you.

In time, as your relationship grows and deepens, you can communicate your expectations in a respectful and loving way. 

After all, a strong relationship is built on mutual respect, understanding, and acceptance – not imposed expectations.

The final word

Let your relationship unfold naturally. Be patient with yourself and your partner. It’s okay not to reveal everything all at once.

The key is to be attuned with your partner, build understanding, and share when the time feels right for both of you.

Ultimately, you’re creating a space for authenticity, respect, and mutual growth – the cornerstones of any strong relationship.

So take a moment to reflect on these points. Consider how they resonate with your approach to relationships.