Isn’t it funny how the things we experience as kids can creep into our lives in ways we don’t even realize?

I’ve often wondered how those early years shape us, like invisible threads weaving through our adult lives.

If you grew up without a lot of validation, you might not connect the dots right away—but it’s there, showing up in small habits, in how we interact, in how we view ourselves.

It’s not a matter of faulting the past; it’s seeing how its echoes still shape our present.

So, let’s look at nine ways our childhoods can linger and maybe even hold us back. 

1) Overcompensating for praise

We often see the world through the lens of our childhood experiences.

According to psychologists, if you grew up being rarely validated by your first caregivers, you might find yourself constantly seeking approval in your adult life.

This can manifest in a number of ways, but one of the most common is overcompensation.

Overcompensating for praise could look like always going above and beyond at work, even when it’s not necessary.

Or it could be constantly seeking validation from others, even when you know you’ve done a good job.

The truth is that your worth is not determined by external validation, but by your own self-perception.

It’s totally okay to do something well and not receive praise for it. Your value comes from within.

2) Apologizing excessively

I’ve caught myself doing this more times than I can count.

Growing up, my achievements were rarely celebrated or acknowledged.

Psychologists suggest that overapologizing often stems from this very lack of validation in childhood.

And it’s true, it did leave me carrying a constant sense of guilt into adulthood.

I found myself saying “I’m sorry” for things that weren’t even my fault. I’d apologize for the smallest mistakes, for things out of my control, and sometimes for no reason at all.

It was as though I felt the need to apologize for my very existence. It was a hard habit to break, but I’ve managed to break that pattern.

If you’re also saying sorry more than necessary, take a moment to reflect on why you’re doing it.

The truth here is that you don’t need to apologize for everything. You are allowed to take up space and make mistakes. It’s all part of being human.

3) Struggling with self-esteem

According to research, lack of validation during childhood can affect your self-esteem in adulthood.

This is because as children, we build our self-concept largely based on how our parents see and treat us.

If you were rarely validated as a child, you might struggle with low self-esteem. You might find yourself constantly questioning your worth and abilities. 

Interestingly, according to a recent study, people with low self-esteem tend to be more anxious and depressed.

They also tend to have worse relationships and less career success.

This is why it’s so important to realize that your worth is not defined by others’ validation or the lack thereof.

It’s time to start recognizing your inherent value and treating yourself with kindness and respect.

4) Perfectionism

Perfectionism can sometimes be a sign of a lack of childhood validation.

When your accomplishments were rarely acknowledged, you might have felt the need to be perfect to gain any kind of recognition.

This can translate into a fear of making mistakes in adulthood.

You might find yourself constantly striving for perfection, setting unrealistically high standards for yourself, and being overly critical of your own performance.

While it’s good to aim for excellence, it’s equally important to keep in mind that everyone makes mistakes.

It’s through these mistakes that we learn and grow. Letting go of this desire to be perfect can be liberating and lead to a healthier and happier life.

5) Difficulty expressing emotions

When your feelings were often overlooked or dismissed as a child, it can be challenging to express them as an adult.

You might have grown up believing that your feelings were unimportant or invalid.

As a result, you may struggle with expressing your emotions.

You might bottle them up, trying to avoid confrontation or discomfort. Or you might have a hard time identifying what you’re feeling in the first place.

It’s okay to feel, and it’s okay to express those feelings. You have a right to your emotions, and they are always valid.

6) Craving validation in relationships

Our early experiences with validation, or lack thereof, can often shape how we interact in our relationships.

If you grew up rarely being validated, you might find yourself constantly seeking approval from your partner.

This craving for validation can sometimes lead to a fear of abandonment or an unhealthy dependence on your partner for self-worth.

You might find yourself going out of your way to please them, even at the cost of your own happiness.

The thing is, validation from others can feel wonderful, but it’s fleeting. The most enduring and fulfilling validation comes from within.

It’s not easy, but knowing your worth and loving yourself, even when others don’t, will make a huge positive effect on your life.

7) Fear of rejection

Rejection never feels good. For those of us who were rarely validated as children, rejection can feel like a confirmation of our deepest fears – that we are not enough.

I remember a time when I had an intense fear of rejection. Whether it was in friendships, relationships, or even job applications, the mere thought of being rejected was paralyzing.

I would often avoid taking risks because I feared the sting of rejection.

But over time, I’ve learned that rejection is a part of life.

It’s not a reflection of my worth but simply a sign that something wasn’t the right fit. This realization has allowed me to take more chances and open myself up to new opportunities.

8) Difficulty accepting compliments

If you were rarely validated as a child, accepting compliments in adulthood can feel uncomfortable.

You may find yourself brushing them off or not knowing how to respond when someone acknowledges your achievements or positive qualities.

This difficulty stems from the belief that you aren’t deserving of praise, or that there must be some catch.

But it’s okay to accept and appreciate compliments. They are a recognition of your skills, efforts, or qualities.

Try to resist the urge to downplay or dismiss compliments. Instead, thank the person giving the compliment and allow yourself to feel good about it. You deserve it.

9) Difficulty trusting others

Trust is a fundamental part of any relationship. But for those who were rarely validated as a child, trusting others can be a real challenge.

You might question others’ intentions or struggle to believe that anyone could genuinely care for or value you.

Overcoming this can be tough, but it helps to remember that not everyone is the same.

There are people out there who will appreciate you for who you are, and their validation will be genuine and sincere.

Building trust takes time and patience, but it’s worth it. Trusting others opens up the possibility for deeper, more meaningful connections.

Final thoughts

You know, they say that change begins with awareness.

Once you see the patterns, it’s easier to decide which ones you want to keep and which ones you’re ready to let go.

It’s almost like cleaning out your closet—sorting through what fits and what you’ve outgrown.

The truth is, we’re not defined by our pasts, but acknowledging them can help us create something better for ourselves.

So if any of these behaviors feel familiar, take heart. Change is a long journey, and it starts with one simple truth: you’re worth it, just as you are.