9 things you don’t realize you’re doing because you have poor social skills

Navigating social situations can feel like navigating a minefield.
We might unintentionally step on toes, come across as rude, or miss key cues without even realizing it.
The truth is, lacking certain social skills is more common than you might think!
Let’s take a moment to reflect; the first step to improvement is awareness.
I’ve gathered 9 things you might be doing unknowingly due to poor social skills:
1) Over-talking
Ever been in a conversation and noticed the other person’s eyes glazing over? That’s probably because you’re over-talking.
Over-talking is a common pitfall for those of us with less than stellar social skills. It’s when we dominate the conversation, leaving little room for the other person to express their thoughts or feelings.
This habit can be a result of nerves, or simply not recognizing the cues that it’s time to let someone else speak. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that to be interesting, we must always have something to say.
True conversation is a two-way street. It’s about listening as much as it is about talking.
2) Misjudging personal space
We all know that awkward moment. I’ve been there myself. I was at a networking event, and I met a potential client. I was eager to make an impression, so I stepped in close to make my pitch.
As I spoke, I noticed he kept backing up, almost as if he was trying to escape. It took me a moment to realize – I was invading his personal space.
Personal space is an invisible boundary that we all have around us, and it varies from person to person. When someone steps into this space uninvited, it can make us feel uncomfortable or threatened.
Without realizing it, I had invaded his personal space, making him feel uncomfortable and likely affecting the impression I was trying to make.
3) Failing to make eye contact
Eye contact is a powerful form of non-verbal communication. It signifies attentiveness, respect, and interest in what the other person is saying.
However, those with poor social skills may often struggle with maintaining appropriate eye contact. They might avoid it altogether, or hold it for too long, both of which can send the wrong message.
According to a study by Scientific American Mind, published in Research Gate, the ideal duration of eye contact is just over three seconds. Any longer, and it can start to feel uncomfortable.
Try to remember this rule of thumb: hold eye contact for about three seconds at a time. It’s a simple way to show you’re engaged and attentive.
4) Neglecting body language
Your words might be saying one thing, but what about your body?
Body language is a powerful form of communication that can often tell more about how we feel than the words we say.
Those with poor social skills may neglect their body language, resulting in mixed signals or awkward interactions. For example, crossed arms can signal defensiveness, even if you’re trying to come off as open and friendly.
Understanding and controlling your body language can make a huge difference in how you’re perceived.
From now on, try to be aware of what your body is saying!
5) Interrupting others
There’s nothing quite as frustrating as being mid-sentence and having someone cut you off. It’s a common mistake that those with poor social skills make, and it can leave a bad impression.
Interrupting others can signal impatience, disrespect or a lack of interest in what they have to say. Even if your intention is to add to the conversation, it can easily be misinterpreted as trying to dominate it.
If you find yourself eager to jump in before someone has finished speaking, take a moment to pause. Let them complete their thought before you respond.
6) Not showing empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s what allows us to connect with people on a deeper level.
When someone shares a difficult experience or expresses sadness, they’re not always looking for advice or solutions. Sometimes, they just need someone to acknowledge their feelings and say, “I’m here for you.”
Neglecting to show empathy can make others feel like their feelings are unimportant or misunderstood. It can create a barrier in relationships and cause others to feel isolated.
7) Overcompensating with humor
I’ve always been the joker, the one to lighten the mood. But there have been times when my attempts at humor have fallen flat or even caused discomfort.
Humor can be a great way to bond with others and relieve tension. But when used inappropriately or excessively, it can become a crutch, a mask to hide behind.
Cracking a joke in a serious discussion or using humor to deflect from personal topics can signal an inability to engage in deeper, more meaningful conversations. It can also make others feel like their concerns aren’t being taken seriously.
Humor has its place, but it’s also important to know when to put the jokes aside and be authentic and present in the moment.
8) Ignoring non-verbal cues
While words are important in communication, non-verbal cues often tell us more about what a person is truly feeling. These can include facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice.
Those with poor social skills often overlook these cues, focusing solely on the spoken words. This can lead to misunderstandings and missed opportunities for connection.
By paying attention to these non-verbal cues, you can gain a better understanding of others’ feelings and intentions, helping you to respond more effectively in social situations.
9) Failing to listen
Listening is arguably the most important social skill of all. It’s not just about hearing the words that are spoken, but understanding the meaning behind them.
Those with poor social skills often fail at this. They may be too busy thinking about what they’re going to say next or get distracted by their own thoughts.
But listening is about more than just waiting for your turn to speak. It’s about showing genuine interest in what the other person has to say and making them feel valued and heard.
Final thoughts: It’s about progress, not perfection
Improving our social skills is a journey, not a destination.
Renowned American psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” This acceptance is the first step towards improvement.
We all have areas to develop, from improving listening skills to respecting personal space and understanding body language.
Each step you take towards better social skills can greatly enhance your relationships and overall quality of life.
As you navigate your social world, keep these insights in mind, be kind to yourself, and remember—it’s about progress, not perfection!