Self-esteem is a tricky thing…

Arguably, it is the most vital thing to help us build healthy relationships, rewarding careers, and fulfilling lives in general.

But it’s also incredibly mysterious.

Often, we can be struggling with extremely low levels of self-esteem and not even be aware of it!

And if we’re not aware of something, we can’t improve it.

So, let’s look at behaviours that suggest you lack confidence in your worth and your abilities.

Here are 19 things you don’t realise you’re doing because you have low self-esteem.

1) Apologizing all the time

Do you constantly find yourself saying “Sorry” or apologizing for minor things?

This is a classic sign of someone who struggles with self-confidence, but one you may not even be aware that you’re doing.

You may think you are demonstrating exquisite manners or consideration.

But unfortunately, apologizing all the time points to low self-esteem.

2) Saying yes when you want to say no

We can all be put on the spot, but when you are constantly agreeing to things you’d rather not agree to, you must ask yourself why.

This is people-pleasing; when you put your needs aside to appease others, and it’s not good for you.

It can lead to you overcommitting yourself, burning out, and becoming resentful.

And the roots of it are in your spoor self-esteem.

Your lack of self-worth makes you afraid of disappointing others.

3) Being self-critical

You may think you’re being critical of yourself because you have high standards, but this isn’t really the case.

People with self-love are compassionate with themselves, in the same way they are compassionate with their closest friends.

They speak to themselves as they would speak to a friend, positively and comfortingly.

If you are always hard on yourself, it’s because you don’t think you deserve compassion.

And from compassion to praise…

4) Not accepting compliments

No, you’re not “just being humble”; humble people can accept compliments.

The reason you can’t take a compliment is the same reason you constantly criticize yourself.

You don’t see yourself as worthy of admiration because you don’t admire yourself.

And you most likely put all your achievements down to luck and not your ability and effort.

Something else you don’t realise you’re doing because you lack self-esteem is….

5) Constantly comparing yourself to others

Do you constantly compare yourself to others?

Do you feel like you’re behind in your appearance, career, status, and achievements?

Do you feel frustrated and hopeless sometimes?

If the answer is Yes, this is indicative of bad self-esteem.

Because having healthy self-esteem would allow you to acknowledge the merits of others without feeling threatened by them.

Feeling threatened and like you’re in competition with everyone means you’re not happy with where you are.

6) Gossiping about others

And from comparing yourself to others to talking them down…

Gossiping isn’t only cynical and mean, it also screams dire levels of self-esteem.

Because healthy, fulfilled people want to see others doing well too.

They take no pleasure in other people’s misfortunes or embarrassments.

So, if there’s a bitchy streak in you, it’s a pretty good indication that your self-esteem isn’t where it should be!

7) Not being able to make decisions

Always second and third guessing yourself?

Struggle with even small decisions, sometimes daily?

If you don’t trust your abilities and your judgement, it’s because you don’t feel like you’re good enough.

A classic sign of low self-esteem but one that we often don’t consider in ourselves.

8) Not sharing your ideas or opinions

Confident people with health self-worth don’t shy away from sharing their ideas and opinions with others.

If you’ve ever been in a work situation where you were scared to give your input for fear of being judged, this is a sign you lack self-esteem.

As is not speaking your mind with friends for fear of upsetting someone else or going against the group.

You should feel comfortable to communicate your truth in most situations.

So, if you’re more likely to be found biting your tongue, you probably need to believe in yourself more.

9) Stressing about how you are seen by others

Are you constantly preoccupied about how others view you?

Does the thought of being seen as incompetent, unattractive, or crazy bother you to distraction?

People who love and believe in themselves don’t stress about what others think of them.

They like and accept themselves, and that is enough.

They understand that they can’t please everyone, and they don’t measure their worth on how others judge them.

10) Following instead of leading

Another sign of low self-esteem you may not have realised is constantly going with the flow.

Whether at work, with friends, with family, or in intimate relationships, if you’re always putting your preferences aside and allowing others to make decisions, chances are you’re lacking self-esteem.

Remember, there is a difference between being easy-going and being a doormat.

11) Not taking risks

When was the last time you got out of your comfort zone?

People with self-esteem issues are risk averse.

This is because their lack of self-worth renders them terrified of failure and even change.

They are not resilient and can’t easily cope with setbacks or challenges.

So, to avoid feelings of helplessness they tend to avoid taking risks.

And sadly, this leads to stagnation and frustration.

12) Procrastinating personal passion projects

Another cause of stagnation and frustration…

Putting off things that you are (or were once) passionate about is a subtle but clear sign that you’re struggling with your self-esteem.

Deep down, you don’t feel like you’re capable or worthy.

It is not laziness, but self-doubt that stops you from chasing your goals.

And our next sign isn’t down to laziness either…

13) Neglecting self-care

When we love things, we take care of them.

Whether it’s our plants, our pets, or our children, we put the necessary effort into making sure they are safe and healthy.

When you love yourself, you take care of yourself.

It’s that simple.

So, if you’re neglecting your health, your personal development, or me-time, it’s time to consider that this points to a lack of self-love and self-esteem.

14) Downplaying your emotions

When someone asks you how you’re doing… is “I’m fine” your standard reply, or do you think about what they’re asking?

If you’re inclined to sweep over your emotional state when someone enquires, you should really consider why that is.

Maybe you think they’re not really interested in you and just being polite.

Or you don’t want to talk about yourself.

Both suggest you don’t feel worthy of the question.

15) Using unhealthy coping mechanisms

Do you indulge in food, drugs, shopping, or alcohol as a means of ‘winding down’?

If you use unhealthy coping strategies as a reward or escape, chances are your self-esteem is low.

These are common ways of avoiding how we really feel and not taking responsibility for our lives.

Those with high self-esteem face their problems head-on, they don’t try to numb or suppress their pain.

16) Minimizing your expertise

Ever been at a social gathering when someone was talking nonsense about a topic that you’re specialised in?

Did you correct them, or did you just let them speak on and spread misinformation?

If you’re reluctant to show your knowledge and routinely minimize your expertise to be nonthreatening to others, you may lack self-esteem.

You may think you are just being considerate and kind, but in fact, you don’t have the self-confidence to potentially displease other people.

17) Feeling guilty all the time

Confident people tend to feel good about themselves, even at difficult times.

And the frequency with which you experience positive versus negative emotions says a lot about your self-worth.

If you’re plagued with feelings of guilt and shame, you’re lacking in self-esteem.

18) Thinking you’ll be happy when you lose weight, get that job, find a partner, etc.

Happiness is a choice in the here and now.

If you’re constantly telling yourself you’ll be happy when you’re in better shape, when you make more money, or when you move to a new apartment, you lack self-esteem.

Why? Because if you had it, you would choose to be happy now.

19) Constantly feeling misunderstood or let down

Do you always feel like everyone is against you?

Like they routinely misunderstand you or even dislike you?

This is you projecting your feelings of inadequacy onto those around you.

And you think there is something wrong with you because you lack self-love.

Consider how you are feeling

When assessing your self-esteem, a good rule of thumb is to consider how you are feeling.

What are the prevalent emotions you feel on a daily or weekly basis?

None of the behaviors above really feel good.

They aren’t healthy or happiness-inducing, instead they are concerned with projection or escapism.

So, if they are true for you, it’s time to begin your journey to greater self-esteem.