If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you know it can be a complex and challenging experience.

It becomes even more complicated when you’re onto them, and they know it. 

Believe me, they’ll come back with varying degrees of manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional upheaval.

Narcissists thrive on control and admiration, and when they sense that someone has seen through their veneer, their reactions can be unpredictable and intense.

In this article, we’ll dive into what psychologists say you can expect when a narcissist realizes you’re onto them. 

Understanding these tactics can prepare you to handle the situation with greater awareness and resilience. 

Whether you’re navigating a personal relationship or a professional one, recognizing these signs is the first step in protecting your well-being. 

Let’s get started. 

1) Intense gaslighting

The moment a narcissist feels exposed, one of the first things you might encounter is an escalation in gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where the narcissist makes you question your own reality, memory, or perceptions. They do this to create confusion and make you doubt your own judgment. 

For instance, they might deny something that happened or twist facts around to suit their narrative.

When they know you’ve figured them out, they might intensify this technique. They could claim that your perception of their behavior is wrong or that you’re overanalyzing things. 

They might even accuse you of being the narcissist, as funny as that sounds.

This form of psychological manipulation is a tool for them to reestablish control and ensure that they remain in a position of power within the relationship. 

It’s important to remember that this is not a reflection of your judgment but rather their defensive response when they feel threatened.

2) Flashes of vulnerability

In a surprising turn of events, a narcissist may momentarily drop their guard and show signs of vulnerability when they realize you’ve seen through their facade.

At its core, narcissism often masks deep-seated insecurities and a fragile self-esteem, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

So when they feel exposed, they might instinctively try to evoke sympathy or create closer bonds by sharing personal stories or expressing self-doubt.

This can come across as a genuine moment of connection and it’s easy to see it as a breakthrough. 

However, it’s crucial to remember that these instances can sometimes serve as a distraction strategy to steer attention away from their narcissistic behavior and towards their own perceived victimhood instead.

While this might seem like an opportunity for understanding and empathy, it’s essential to tread carefully to avoid being pulled back into a cycle of manipulation.

3) Love bombing

When a narcissist senses that you’re onto them, they may resort to a tactic known as love bombing.

This involves showering you with affection, attention, and compliments in an attempt to reel you back in. You might receive unexpected gifts, hear grand declarations of love, or be treated like you’re the most important person in their life.

The aim is to make you feel special and valued so that any doubts or negative feelings about the narcissist are drowned out by the overwhelming positivity.

However, this is usually a temporary phase used to regain control and it’s often followed by a return to their usual narcissistic behavior. 

Don’t fall for it, no matter how tempting it is. It’s just a tactic – and they’ll go right back to their old ways once they’ve got you hooked again. 

4) Seeming change of heart

When a narcissist realizes you’ve seen behind their mask, they might seem to have a sudden change of heart.

They may start acting more considerate and attentive than before, putting effort into understanding your feelings and needs. 

They may even apologize for past behavior, promising to change for the better.

Like love bombing, this can feel very comforting. It can give you hope that things might finally improve. 

The thing is, real change requires time and consistent effort. So an overnight change? That feels rather suspicious, doesn’t it?

While it’s natural to want to believe in their promises, it’s crucial to protect your own emotional well-being. Wait and observe if their actions align with their words over a sustained period before letting your guard down completely.

5) A sudden interest in your life

Remember those moments when you wished they paid more attention to your interests, your day at work, or your thoughts about the world? 

Oddly enough, once a narcissist feels you’ve caught onto them, they might suddenly develop a keen interest in all those things.

They might start asking about your day, showing interest in your hobbies, or engaging in topics that matter to you. 

This can feel refreshing and you might find yourself thinking, “Finally, they’re taking an interest in my life!”

While it’s nice to feel heard and seen, it’s also important to keep in mind that this could be another tactic to regain control. 

Keep an eye out for genuine engagement versus surface-level interest designed to win you over.

6) Becoming overly generous

When a narcissist senses that you have figured them out, they may suddenly become overly generous.

For example, imagine a friend who never really bothered about sharing or giving. All of a sudden, they start showering you with gifts or offering help in ways they never did before. 

They might insist on picking up the tab at dinner or surprising you with your favorite dessert, actions that are completely out of character for them.

Of course, it’s nice to receive gifts and favors, but the problem is, these generous acts can sometimes be a strategy for regaining control and trust. 

Be mindful of the balance in your relationship and whether these actions are genuine or a means to an end.

7) Attempts to isolate you

Another strategy a narcissist might try when they know you’ve figured them out is to isolate you. 

This could mean subtly discouraging you from spending time with friends and family, or making you feel guilty for wanting to do things independently.

They might say things like, “I thought we were spending the day together,” or “Why do you need to see them when you have me?” 

The goal is to make you feel dependent on them, creating an environment where they hold more control.

It’s crucial not to fall into this trap. Maintain your connections and independence. 

Remember, a healthy relationship is one where both parties can freely engage with others and enjoy personal space without guilt or manipulation.

Final thoughts: Prioritize your well-being

At the end of the day, when dealing with a narcissist who knows you’ve figured them out, the most important thing is to prioritize your own well-being.

They might cycle through a range of behaviors – from love bombing to isolation – in an attempt to regain control. It can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, leaving you confused and drained.

In such situations, remember that it’s okay to put yourself first. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals. Practice self-care and set boundaries that protect your mental and emotional health.

Above all, remember that you deserve respect, honesty, and genuine love in any relationship. Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise.