Low self-esteem can ruin your life if you let it.

“Low self-esteem refers to a person having an overall poor sense of self-value,” writes psychologist Kendra Cherry. “Self-esteem is about more than just generally liking yourself—it also means believing that you deserve love and valuing your own thoughts, feelings, opinions, interests, and goals.”

So when you have low self-esteem, you find it hard to believe that your own opinions and feelings have value.

As you can probably imagine, this can lead to all kinds of destructive behavior. Low self-esteem can affect your motivation to go after the things you want in life, and is linked to a number of mental health issues, including:

•       eating disorders
•       anxiety
•       emotional distress
•       substance abuse
•       social anxiety disorders
•       depression

And yet, many of the behaviors linked with low self-esteem are things people do without even realizing it.

The following behaviors can indicate someone who needs to work on their self-esteem. Whether you see them in another person or even in yourself, it’s a good indication of someone who doesn’t believe in themselves the way they should.

1) They apologize too much

Naturally, there’s nothing wrong with apologizing – when you’ve done something wrong. Apologies are like a social glue that helps to keep bonds strong when people make mistakes.

But people with low self-esteem often apologize constantly and for very little reason. They may even apologize for things that are not their fault.

In this situation, an apology can become a kind of defense mechanism. Instead of demonstrating that someone regrets their actions, it’s a way of trying to make themselves seem nonthreatening and compliant.

In other words, a person with low self-esteem may continually apologize in a misguided attempt to get people to like them.

2) They struggle to accept compliments

This is another strong sign of e.

Graciously accepting a compliment can be an art form. But people with low self-esteem really struggle with compliments, and are often clueless about how to take them.

Therapist Moshe Ratson points out that for people with low self-esteem, compliments clash with their most deeply held beliefs about themselves. Therefore, they won’t believe the compliments people give them.

In fact, they may even take a more negative view and think that a person complimenting them is being sarcastic or manipulative.

Just about anything makes more sense to them than that the person genuinely thinks highly of them.

3) Negative self-talk

Another common trait of people with low self-esteem is negative self-talk.

“Negative self-talk refers to your inner voice making critical, negative, or punishing comments,” says psychology writer Elizabeth Scott. “These are the pessimistic, mean-spirited, or unfairly critical thoughts that go through your head when you are making judgements about yourself.”

Unfortunately, over time, this negative talk can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. After all, why try to improve your life if you’re constantly telling yourself that all your efforts will never work?

Why bother trying to socialize with people when you’re constantly telling yourself that they don’t really like you?

This is one of the most harmful aspects of low self-esteem, as it can create significant stress and keep people trapped in a negative worldview.

4) Avoiding eye contact

This is one of the more subtle signs of low self-esteem.

It’s also important to notice that there are lots of reasons why some people struggle with eye contact that don’t necessarily mean they have low self-esteem.

For example, many people on the autism spectrum find prolonged eye contact extremely uncomfortable.

However, when combined with other factors on this list, a desire to avoid eye contact can be a good sign of someone lacking in self-esteem.

That’s because eye contact has a way of making us feel exposed. And when you don’t like yourself very much, you tend to want to avoid being seen by anybody else because you believe they won’t like what they see as much as you don’t.

5) People-pleasing behaviors

This is another highly destructive aspect of low self-esteem that is worth talking about.

People pleasers do everything they can to make people like them. Often, this means that they don’t establish firm boundaries.

For example, they may allow their boss to infringe on their free time. Or they may allow relatives to push them around and make them do things they don’t want to do because they are scared of the confrontation that comes from saying no.

When you don’t have faith in your own decisions and don’t value your own emotions, it’s hard to stand up to other people.

That’s when people-pleasing behaviors start to creep in and lower a person’s quality of life.

6) Self-sabotaging

It might sound strange, but people with low self-esteem also sometimes engage in self-sabotaging behaviors designed to keep them from making a change in their lives.

“When we talk about self-sabotage, you probably picture someone thinking negative things about themselves. Although that’s true, self-sabotage has many other faces,” writes psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Self sabotage can include behaviors such as:

•       Procrastination
•       Giving up easily
•       Avoiding commitments
•       Not taking responsibility for your actions

Over time, these negative behaviors work to erode the quality of life of the person the low self-esteem.

In this way, low self-esteem can become a trap, because it prevents you from achieving things that would help you feel better about yourself.

7) Difficulty saying no

This goes back to people-pleasing and a lack of strong boundaries.

People with low self-esteem often struggle with saying no. They don’t want to tell people anything negative because they worry it will reflect badly on them.

This means they often say yes to things they really shouldn’t. Whether it’s taking on more responsibilities at work without extra compensation, or agreeing to host family events they really shouldn’t, people with low self-esteem often act as doormats for others.

Sometimes, manipulative people will even take advantage of those with low self-esteem, knowing they are unlikely to say no.

Worst of all, the person with low self-esteem often doesn’t even realize they are doing this. They think they are just being agreeable and kind, when actually, the inability to say no comes from a low estimation of their own self-worth.

8) Comparing themselves to others

It’s never been easier to fall into the trap of negative self-comparison.

These days, we are bombarded with the glamorous lives of online influencers and celebrities that can make it seem as though everyone except us is doing something amazing with their lives.

And this can have a damaging effect on anybody’s self-esteem.

Social comparison keeps us focused on what we don’t have instead of what we do.

Because the reality is that someone will always have more money, a more glamorous life, a better car, or a bigger house than you. People with low self-esteem often fall into the trap of looking at other people’s lives from the outside and comparing themselves negatively.

9) Avoiding challenges

Think about it. It’s hard to take on challenges when you have little or no belief in your ability to overcome them.

And that’s exactly what happens to people with low self-esteem. Because they don’t believe that they can overcome the challenges we all face in life, they will often try to avoid any challenges they come across.

That may not sound like such a bad thing. But when you consider that often, the only way to get ahead is to embrace the challenges life throws at us, it’s easier to understand how this limiting belief can erode the quality of life of someone with low self-esteem.

They won’t take on new responsibilities at work that might win them a promotion. They won’t start a new business, even if it’s their dream, because they are worried it will fail.

They won’t ask out that person they’ve been dreaming of because they don’t believe in their own ability to attract a high-quality partner.

This trait means that people with low self-esteem often settle for much less than they are capable of, and less than they deserve.

10) Poor posture

This is a sign of low self-esteem that is less commonly talked about, but it can be a dead giveaway.

Often, people with low self-esteem will slouch or slump, trying to make themselves look smaller and draw less attention because they are uncomfortable with having other people notice them.

Like avoiding eye contact, this is an attempt by people with low self-esteem to slip under the radar so that no one will notice their flaws and failings.

Overcoming low self-esteem

It’s not easy overcoming a negative belief about yourself and your self-worth. But it’s vitally important if you want to live a life that’s all it could be.

Keep an eye out for these signs of low self-esteem, both in yourself and in the people around you. Because sometimes, people with low self-esteem need the help of others to convince them that they do have as much value as everybody else.