For many women, feelings of guilt, shame, and responsibility might come as second nature. And if you’re a mother? Well, this feeling will likely be amplified ten-fold.

“Motherhood often feels like a game of guilt management. Sometimes the guilt is overwhelming and debilitating. Sometimes just a low simmer, but it always feels right there,” says author Jen Hatmaker.

She continues. “There is never any shortage of fuel to feed the beast, so the whole mechanism is constantly nourished to administer shame and a general feeling of incompetency.”

Yep, mom guilt thrives on unfair comparison and unrealistic expectations. 

Of course, you don’t need to have children to know these feelings—they can strike literally anyone.

Usually, I’ve found that guilt will often strike people, regardless of their genders and or walk of life, who are sensitive, kind, and empathetic.

These are the folks who are more likely to feel as if the weight of the world is resting on their shoulders.

But here’s the secret: you don’t have to let it control you. Nuh uh.

Here are four things you should never feel guilty about, according to psychology.

1) For feeling like you need a relationship to be happy

If you are the eternally single pal in your friendship group, or even out of your siblings, don’t feel bad about it.

…still feeling bad about it? Allow me to show you an enlightening bit of research I came across in my travels. 

A pioneering study on wellbeing and relationships found that romance has numerous positive impacts on a person’s psyche.

These benefits include “need fulfillment”, “the achievement of personal and relational goals” and even “the development of individual skills.”

I’ve been single for six years and I still get those tell-tale twinges of longing whenever I see an adorable couple on the train next to me or across from me at the bar.

Trust me, we have all been there. We have all known that sinking feeling of needing a relationship to be happy. It can make us feel confused and even a little desperate at times.

Just know that this is a super common sentiment, and you are definitely not alone in experiencing it. 

Many of us have known this deep desire for companionship and connection. And you know what? It is natural.

We humans biologically crave connection. We thrive on meaningful relationships, be it romantic, familial, or friendly. 

So, seeking a romantic relationship isn’t something to feel guilty of… it’s simply a reflection of our built-in need for companionship. It’s what we’re wired to do!

Plus, as shown in the research, there’s more to it than just instinct—romance can have countless benefits for our wellbeing.

2) For taking time away from your phone and social media

There is mounting psychological evidence that excessive time spent online is bad for our minds. Like, really bad.

Don’t believe me? A recent study in the Canadian Medical Association Journal concluded that “spending more than 2 hours a day on social networking sites and personal electronic devices” has been linked to “high rates of suicidality and depressive symptoms” among certain age groups.

So, in an era where it feels impossible to be completely offline, what’s the antidote to this?

Well, the study also found that those who engaged in “high levels of face-to-face socializing were relatively protected against the negative consequences of too much time online.”

Given this, you should never feel guilty for not being responsive on WhatsApp or for having seen every one of your mate’s Instagram stories. Your mental health matters way, way more.

Plus, think about all those moments you may have missed due to your phone’s vice grip on your focus. 

The giggles, the wacky jokes, the outdoor adventures—all things that can only happen when you choose to disconnect!

Taking healthy breaks from tech isn’t something to feel guilty about—in this day and age it is a radical act of self-care.

3) For simply saying “no”

You’re at a school parents meeting, already drowning in tasks, when another parent approaches with yet another favor to ask.

Despite already being well and truly overloaded with fundraisers and garden clean-ups, you’re tempted to say “yes” to avoid any disappointment that might come with it.

Sure, it’s great to be helpful and a team player, but saying yes to everything is actually a surefire way to burn out.

And the research backs it up.

A study in the EMBO Reports journal argued that: “‘Yes’ is a positive and reassuring answer, and most people are happy to either give or receive it. But ‘yes’ can also cause problems—overtime, overstretched resources, lower quality, and so on.”

The researchers continued: “Learning how to say ‘no’ is a tool for developing these boundaries that are essential for a successful career in research. It takes courage to say no, but it maintains liberty by setting limits.”

So, free yourself from guilt and be brave in setting your own boundaries and priorities. 

4) For needing precious time alone

If you love a slice of sweet, sweet solitude, let me just say it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Maybe you’ve declined a party invite or skipped dinner plans just to have a quiet night in. 

And somewhere in your mind, there’s that sly little voice whispering that you should be out on the town, being sociable, making all your friends happy. 

But here’s the truth: needing time alone is something to embrace rather than reject. And there’s even powerful psychology behind it, too.

A 2022 study interestingly explored the positive impact of time alone.

“Our results provide preliminary evidence that reappraising time alone as solitude may boost resilience to the decrements in positive mood associated with time alone,” said researchers.

So, there you have it, friends. Next time you crave a bit of solo time, don’t let the guilt monster take over. 

Instead, go ahead, take that hike alone or indulge in that Friday night Netflix session—you’ve well and truly earned it!