How you grew up influences your behavior well into adulthood, for better or worse.

As anyone who had a dysfunctional childhood will confirm, those early experiences leave lasting emotional scars.

They often shape your adult perceptions and relationships in ways that are difficult to fully comprehend.

Here are 9 things in life only people from toxic families understand, according to psychology.

Your coming-of-age story doesn’t have to define who you become.

1) Living in constant tension

Coming from a toxic family can mean living in a perpetual state of tension, never knowing when the next conflict will occur.

Toxic family members may be addicted to drama, psychologists note.

As a result, they tend to overreact emotionally and throw tantrums, in public or private.

Growing up in such a volatile environment is like navigating a minefield where every step is fraught with potential danger.

From the moment you wake up to when you go to bed, there’s a palpable sense of tension, like a storm brewing on the horizon.

You’re forced to tiptoe around fragile egos, never knowing when a seemingly innocuous comment will ignite a firestorm.

It’s a state of alertness that is hard to shake off even after you move out.

2) Feeling like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster

Toxic family members aren’t always on the brink of exploding.

Sometimes, they appear calm and loving and nice. Right before they give into their less appealing tendencies, with zero warning.

This is exactly what makes you feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster.

Just when you think you’re safe, an outburst throws you back into hypervigilance territory.

These rapid shifts in mood create a sense of instability.

Kids who grow up never knowing what to expect can develop anxiety, constantly bracing themselves for the next emotional onslaught.

Over time, you internalize the chaos, believing this tumultuous existence is a normal part of family life.

3) Taking care of others

Children in toxic families might find themselves in roles typically reserved for adults, such as caretakers or mediators.

This forces them to grow up too fast, robbing them of their childhood and innocence.

According to psychology, if you had to play the role of the caretaker from early on you run the risk of correlating your identity with doing things for others.

While it’s nice to be of help, do it too much and you turn into a people pleaser, lacking healthy boundaries and putting your needs last.

Your self-esteem also suffers, especially if you start to believe you’re worthy of love and respect only if you can be of assistance.

That brings us to the next point on the list.

4) Struggling with low self-esteem

People who were raised in toxic families frequently struggle with self-esteem as adults.

If you had to deal with criticism and invalidation growing up, the same people who should have offered you unconditional love made you feel like you didn’t deserve it.

Once you convince yourself of this, the belief is tricky to shake off.

You may find yourself plagued by feelings of inadequacy and shame, even in situations where you are objectively successful.

So you set even loftier goals and talk down to yourself if you fail to achieve them.

5) Striving for perfectionism

Speaking of lofty goals, people from toxic families can grow up to chase perfectionism.

I had a happy childhood, but we struggled financially, and my parents worked long hours to make ends meet.

I didn’t want to add to their burdens, so I decided from an early age that I would be a good girl to make them proud and give them peace of mind.

I focused on school and rarely got into trouble. And each time they praised my accomplishments, I felt good about contributing to our family’s well-being.

The downside?

My parents weren’t used to me messing up. They treated my mistakes as glitches in the very fabric of the world rather than normal parts of life, sometimes blowing them out of proportion.

So I came of age strongly believing that mistakes should be avoided at all costs and that striving for perfectionism is the norm rather than the exception.

I eventually rebelled during my teen years, but that belief was already ingrained into my psyche, and it’s something I still struggle with today.

A drive for perfectionism can also stem from needing to gain approval or avoid criticism in a toxic family environment.

In the long run, it causes chronic stress and dissatisfaction with your life.

6) Suppressing your emotions

Emotionally repressive childhood environments make it challenging for individuals to express their feelings openly later on.

Psychologists point out that repressing emotions is a common coping strategy used by people from toxic families.

Children learn that expressing their feelings can lead to being ignored or, worse, violence and shame.

So they suppress them, which makes it more challenging to build meaningful relationships in adulthood.

Individuals from toxic families often struggle to articulate their needs and concerns, resulting in misunderstandings and frustration for those around.

After all, how can you get close to someone if you can’t tell them how you really feel?

7) Developing (unhealthy) coping mechanisms

Growing up in a dysfunctional environment can make you develop other coping mechanisms as well:

• Self-isolation (withdrawing from social interactions altogether as a way of protecting yourself from further emotional pain)
• Substance abuse (using drugs or alcohol to numb emotional pain or cope with stress)
• Self-harm (engaging in self-harming behaviors in an attempt to cope with overwhelming emotions or gain a sense of control)
• Emotional eating (food can become a source of comfort or distraction from emotional distress)
• Escapism (excessive screen time or daydreaming as a means of escaping from the realities of dysfunctional family life)

Unfortunately, none of these coping mechanisms are healthy.

The sooner you address them, the sooner you can replace them with better alternatives.

8) Fearing conflict

Conflict avoidance becomes a prevalent behavior in toxic families, as kids learn to fear confrontation and the potential escalation of tension within the household.

Growing up in an environment where minor disagreements become explosive conflicts may instill a deep-seated fear of confrontation.

Children associate asserting themselves with enduring dire consequences, so they make conflict avoidance their survival strategy.

They don’t know how to engage with it in a healthy manner, which proves problematic later in life.

The long-term consequences of conflict avoidance can be profound and persist into adulthood.

If you come from a dysfunctional environment, it’s possible you struggle to establish and enforce boundaries in your relationships.

Your fear of conflict leaves you stranded in codependent or one-sided relationships where your well-being takes a backseat.

9) Experiencing a sense of isolation

According to psychology, people from toxic families can experience a sense of isolation.

Despite being surrounded by family growing up, they felt misunderstood rather than supported.

Looking back, it’s easy to see why:

• Emotional bonds between toxic family members are strained or nonexistent
• Communication is superficial or transactional
• Thoughts, feelings, and needs are dismissed or invalidated
• You find yourself unable to connect with or relate to the people who are supposed to be closest to you

Without a safe space to express themselves openly, people from dysfunctional environments grow up feeling disconnected from others.

They don’t feel like they belong – a sensation that can continue to weigh them down as they age.

Bottom line

Understanding the impact of family dynamics can provide validation and insight, even if it’s after you’ve left the nest.

Once you realize how much your early experiences influence who you are today, you can begin to heal.

Personal growth is uncomfortable but necessary – and a skilled therapist can provide invaluable guidance along the way.

As long as you’re willing to do the work, there’s no reason why you can’t escape your family’s clutches and break poisonous patterns that still linger.

Don’t let your dysfunctional past morph into a toxic future.