There’s a stark difference between being classy and appearing classy.

The difference often lies in discretion. Classy individuals have a knack for keeping certain things to themselves, creating an air of mystery and refinement.

You see, being classy isn’t about showing off or trying to impress others, but rather, it’s about maintaining a level of grace, decorum, and respect. And those with genuine class know there are certain aspects of life they should always keep private.

What things? These nine. 

1) Personal achievements

It’s a common misconception that in order to gain respect or recognition, one must constantly share their personal achievements. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

In fact, the most respected, classiest individuals are often those who remain humble and let their work speak for itself. They know that their accomplishments are worthy, and they don’t need validation from others to feel successful.

If you’re aiming to exude class, keep your personal achievements to yourself. Let others discover your worth organically, and watch as their respect for you grows.

2) Personal life details

Another mark of a truly classy person is the ability to keep personal life details private.

Let me give you an example from my own life. Once, I was at a gathering where everyone seemed to be sharing intimate details about their relationships, breakups, and personal dramas. It was as if airing out their dirty laundry in public was a badge of honor.

However, there was one person who stood out from the crowd. Mike, a friend of a friend, remained mostly quiet throughout these exchanges. He listened, he empathized, but he never once shared anything deeply personal about himself.

At the end of the evening, I realized I respected Mike more than anyone else there. He had this aura of mystery and elegance. His discretion made him seem genuinely classy.

Learn from Mike: keep your personal life personal. 

3) Criticism of others

Classy individuals have a golden rule: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

They avoid petty gossip or criticism of others, understanding that it reflects poorly on them. They choose to focus on the positive, and if they do have to offer criticism, they do so constructively and directly to the person concerned.

4) Financial status

Money matters, but discussing it openly? That’s a no-no in the book of classy individuals.

They understand that one’s worth isn’t determined by one’s bank account. Talking about how much one earns, how much one has saved, or the expensive items one has purchased is seen as tasteless and unnecessary.

They also recognize that discussing finances openly can lead to comparison and discomfort among others.

Instead, they choose to keep their financial status to themselves, allowing their character and actions to define their worth.

5) Generosity

Genuine class is often marked by kindness and generosity, but it’s a silent sort of giving.

Classy individuals are often the first to lend a hand, donate to a cause, or help out a friend in need. However, they do it without fanfare or expectation of praise. They believe in doing good for the sake of doing good, not for recognition or gratitude.

Their acts of kindness are often done behind the scenes, with no need to broadcast their good deeds. Their satisfaction comes from the act of giving itself, not from the accolades that may follow.

So remember, if you want to be seen as truly classy, let your kindness speak through your actions, not your words.

6) Emotional struggles

We all have our battles, our heartaches, and our struggles. But genuinely classy people know the value of keeping their emotional hardships to themselves when appropriate. 

This isn’t about pretending everything is perfect. It’s about understanding that everyone has their own burdens to bear, and it’s not always appropriate to unload ours onto others.

Classy people process their feelings with grace and dignity, often seeking help privately when needed. They’re not afraid to feel or face their emotions, but they do so in a way that respects others’ emotional boundaries.

7) Failures

Nobody likes to fail. But failure is a part of life, and how we handle it can say a lot about our character.

I remember a time when I didn’t get a job I had been preparing for months. I was devastated. However, instead of venting about it to everyone I knew, I chose to keep it to myself. I took the time to process the disappointment privately, learned from it and moved on.

Genuinely classy people handle their failures in a similar way. They don’t broadcast their disappointments or use them as a means to seek sympathy. Instead, they keep their failures private, using them as stepping stones towards growth and improvement.

8) Opinions about controversial topics

We all have opinions, especially about controversial topics. But an important trait of genuinely classy people is their ability to keep these opinions to themselves in certain situations.

Discretion is key here. They understand that not every conversation is appropriate for heavy debates or heated discussions. They value maintaining a peaceful environment more than proving a point or winning an argument.

They are not afraid to share their views when asked, but they do so in a respectful and considerate manner. They never impose their beliefs on others, and they always listen to opposing viewpoints with an open mind.

9) Grudges

Holding onto grudges is like carrying a heavy weight. It drains your energy and clouds your mind. Genuinely classy people understand this, and they choose to let go.

They know that holding onto anger or resentment doesn’t serve them. Instead, they forgive, not for the other person, but for their own peace of mind. They keep these grudges to themselves, choosing to move forward with grace and dignity.

The essence of class

The subtleties of elegance and class are often more about what you don’t do than what you do.

It’s about the art of restraint, the ability to hold back, and the discretion to keep certain aspects of life private.

Consider the nine points we’ve discussed as guiding principles, not hard and fast rules. Reflect on them and consider how you can incorporate them into your life.