In the context of romance, when you’re emotionally intelligent, you essentially have a superpower. 

You’re able to navigate the inevitable highs and lows of your relationships with grace and poise; rather than with unnecessary arguing and meltdowns. 

You’re able to dodge avoidable stress and uncertainty–the kind that has the potential to ruin weaker unions.  

It’s hardly a surprise that people with emotional intelligence tend to enjoy a higher relationship success rate than most people. 

So if you want to become more emotionally intelligent, I’d say that’s certainly a worthwhile pursuit. 

But first things first, you need to know what behaviors to avoid. 

In this article, I’ll take you through what emotionally intelligent people will never say to their partners. 

Once you get a clearer idea of things, you can start acting accordingly. Let’s get to it!

1) “You’re overreacting” 

Emotionally intelligent people tend to want to understand rather than belittle their partners. 

Hence, they select their words very carefully. 

In contentious situations, they don’t react rashly, blurting out things they’ll later regret. 

They’re the grownups in the room and speak like it. 

My ex used to hate when I’d act dismissively during the occasional spat. 

I’d speak impulsively, minimizing her and her arguments, only thinking about my pride–not the smartest approach for achieving relationship harmony. 

I’d often tell her she was “overreacting,” something that I didn’t realize was incredibly condescending and invalidating; as if she was some inferior emotional loose canon, and I was the standard for composure and grace. 

It was only after that particular relationship that I began to realize how my language affected those close to me, and their feelings. 

Live and learn. 

2) “I don’t care what you think” 

Mutual respect is at the foundation of any functioning, thriving relationship.

When respect goes, so does the relationship, unfortunately. 

Emotionally intelligent people know what words to avoid, even in the heat of battle. 

They know that choosing the wrong phrasing can sometimes have irreparable effects. 

When you claim not to “care” about your partner’s opinion, you’re effectively declaring your lack of respect and consideration for them. 

In my experience, if this behavior continues unchecked, it can represent the beginning of the end. 

If you want things to last, try to value your partner’s opinions and feelings instead of claiming “you don’t care”; it’ll go a long way, I promise. 

3) “You always…” or “You never…” 

There are few things more infuriating in a relationship than when one partner makes absolute statements. 

Even in fights, emotionally intelligent people will typically choose the path of least resistance. 

They prefer constructive conversation rather than declarations that can be interpreted as unfair and accusatory. 

Hence, they’ll avoid saying “you always…” or “you never…” since these things tend to label and undermine a person and their growth in life–which can be exceptionally annoying for obvious reasons. 

4) “Just calm down” 

Telling someone to “calm down” when you’re in the throes of a full-on argument will never end well.  

In fact, it will likely have the opposite effect of calming down, causing your rift to grow even wider. 

Why? Because “calm down” isn’t meant to be taken literally; it’s meant to patronize, insult, and dismiss the other person’s emotions. 

We all know it. 

Hence, emotionally intelligent people generally avoid “calm down” and phrases like it. 

They recognize the importance of allowing their partner to express their feelings fully, even (and especially) when tensions are running high. 

5) “Whatever” 

It’s true: the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. 

When you blurt out “whatever” and then walk away, you’re communicating that you are no longer invested or interested in making amends. 

You’re saying that not only are you over the conversation or the problem, but you may well be over the relationship too–something you shouldn’t just proclaim flippantly unless you truly mean it. 

Emotionally intelligent people tend to be focused on staying engaged and seeking resolutions, thus they avoid “whatever” like it during critical moments. 

6) “If you loved me, you would…” 

Emotionally intelligent folks generally prefer to steer clear of manipulative behaviors. 

Using love as a bargaining chip or guilt-tripping someone into doing something or behaving a certain way is the height of manipulation. 

Emotionally intelligent people know that by agreeing to be in a relationship, sacrifices have to be made. 

If there is no compromise from both sides, things will fade pretty quickly. 

So rather than try to have it their way all the time, painstakingly trying to manipulate their partner into submission, they move on. Even when it’s difficult. 

They respect their partner’s autonomy too much and will discuss needs and wants openly rather than resort to manipulation.

7) “It’s your fault” 

It takes two to tango.

Emotionally intelligent people recognize this, so rather than escalating conflicts by shiting blame, they work to solve them. 

They know that accusatory language is like putting kerosene on a fire; and will ruin any progress you’ve made in working things out up until that point. 

Mature couples will focus on understanding and articulating how mutually beneficial solutions can be made.  

I won’t sugarcoat it: blaming (and avoiding accountability) is pretty juvenile. 

8) “You’re just like your [family member]” 

For many of us, there aren’t many more sensitive topics than family. 

Many of us also have a family member or two whom we have a particularly complicated relationship with; whom we fear turning out like, because of genetics or environment. Or both. 

Thus, comparisons to family members in a negative context can be a real cheap shot to your partner–and incredibly counterproductive. 

You’re essentially weaponizing family and childhood trauma to assail your partner. 

Not a good practice. 

9) “I shouldn’t have to tell you what’s wrong”

Along with respect, communication is an absolute non-negotiable in a relationship. 

When you start assuming and stop communicating, expecting your partner to read your mind like a high-level psychic, this will often lead to trouble. 

Frustration is imminent. 

Your relationship should be a safe space; one where you can communicate openly about your needs and feelings and whatever else. 

So if you aren’t getting that, it may well be time to reassess things. 

Final words 

While some people are born with emotional intelligence, most aren’t. 

The good news is, you can certainly develop emotional intelligence over time. 

Take it a day at a time. Celebrate milestones, however minor. 

If you stay the course, great things will happen. Your relationships will flourish, romantic, platonic, professional, or otherwise. 

And that’s what it’s all about really. 

If more people were emotionally intelligent, the world would surely be a far better place. Yours included.