We all strive to be emotionally intelligent, right?

But let’s face it, there are days when our emotional intelligence seems to have taken a vacation and we’re left wondering if we’ve got this whole “being emotionally smart” thing down at all.

I know it can feel downright impossible at times.

Yet, there are certain things that someone with high emotional intelligence simply wouldn’t do.

Today, I want to share with you 9 things an emotionally intelligent person will never be caught doing.

Maybe you’re already avoiding these pitfalls or maybe they might come as a surprise.

1) Letting emotions rule

Here’s a little story of mine:

A few years ago, I had a classmate who would get so overwhelmed by his emotions that it was like watching a storm surge in action. He’d get angry or upset and then, boom!

He’d just let those emotions take over, causing a lot of distress for everyone around him.

Now, don’t get me wrong — we’ll have moments when our emotions get the best of us.

But here’s the thing:

An emotionally intelligent person doesn’t let their emotions rule their actions. They feel the emotion, acknowledge it, and then decide how to best respond.

In simple terms, they don’t let emotion dictate their actions.

2) Ignoring the emotions of others

Remember that classmate I mentioned?

Well, there was another side to him as well.

When he wasn’t being swept away by his own emotional storms, he was often completely oblivious to the feelings of others.

I remember once we were in a meeting and one of our team members was clearly upset about something.

But did my colleague notice?

Nope. He just kept talking about his agenda, completely ignoring her feelings.

An emotionally intelligent person, on the other hand, is always aware of the emotions of those around them. They can pick up on subtle cues and adjust their behavior accordingly.

Most importantly, they understand that everyone has their own emotional world and they respect that.

3) Not taking responsibility for their actions

This is a big one.

People with high emotional intelligence understand that they are the ones responsible for their actions and reactions.

And it’s not just my observation  — it’s a fact, backed by studies in positive psychology.

In fact, individuals with high emotional intelligence are more likely to take responsibility for their actions, rather than blaming others or external factors.

Why?

Because they don’t make excuses or play the blame game.

Instead, they own up to their actions and learn from their mistakes, using them as stepping stones to improve and evolve.

4) Forgetting to self-care

In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to forget to take care of ourselves, right?

We get so caught up in meeting deadlines, chasing goals, and trying to keep everyone else happy that we put ourselves on the back burner.

But it’s a big mistake that emotionally intelligent people never make.

The thing is that they understand that they can’t pour from an empty cup. That’s why they prioritize self-care.

The best part is that for them, the significance of self-care isn’t just for their well-being but also for their ability to empathize with and support others.

What does it look like exactly?

Emotionally intelligent people carve out time for relaxation, engage in activities they enjoy, eat healthily, exercise regularly, and ensure they get enough sleep.

In doing so, they not only recharge their own batteries but also equip themselves to handle their own emotions, as well as the emotions of others more effectively.

5) Shying away from difficult conversations

I used to dread difficult conversations.

You know the ones I’m talking about – the ones where you have to give critical feedback or discuss a sensitive issue.

I would avoid them at all costs, even if it meant keeping my feelings bottled up inside.

But then I realized something.

Difficult conversations are just that – difficult. But they’re also inevitable and necessary for growth.

People with high emotional intelligence understand this.

Instead of shying away from difficult conversations, they approach them with tact, grace, and empathy.

They express their thoughts and feelings honestly but also make sure to listen and understand the other person’s perspective.

Sure, it’s not always easy.

But as I’ve learned, it’s a skill that can be honed with practice and patience.

6) Jumping to conclusions

How many times have we found ourselves assuming the worst before having all the facts?

It’s a common pitfall, but someone with high emotional intelligence avoids this trap.

Generally, jumping to conclusions without sufficient evidence is a bit dangerous. And these people understand that.

Before forming an opinion or reacting, they gather information, ask questions, and consider different perspectives.

That’s because they recognize that hasty judgments can lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts.

For them, it’s not just about being right ± it’s about being accurate and fair.

By taking the time to understand the situation fully, they ensure that their actions and responses are based on reality, not on assumptions or biases.

This approach fosters healthier relationships and more effective communication.

It’s a reminder for all of us to pause and reflect before jumping to conclusions, ensuring our responses are thoughtful and informed.

7) Holding onto grudges

Holding onto grudges is like carrying a heavy backpack everywhere you go—it weighs you down and prevents you from moving forward.

An emotionally intelligent person recognizes this and chooses to let go of grudges, understanding that forgiveness is a gift they give themselves.

Here’s how they approach this:

• They try to understand the situation from the other person’s perspective. Why might they have acted that way?
• They concentrate on the here and now, rather than dwelling on past hurts.
• Instead of harboring bitterness, they seek constructive ways to address the issue.

Whether it’s a conversation to clear misunderstandings or just internally resolving their feelings, they aim for resolution.

By releasing grudges, emotionally intelligent people free themselves from negative emotions and open up space for peace and positive growth.

This is a conscious choice to prioritize emotional well-being and maintain healthier relationships.

8) Neglecting personal relationships

An emotionally intelligent person knows the immense value of personal relationships.

It’s a fact backed by various psychological studies linking strong personal connections to long-term happiness and even longevity.

Therefore, they make it a priority to maintain and nurture these relationships, understanding that they’re essential for emotional well-being.

Emotionally intelligent individuals ensure that no matter how busy life gets, they find ways to stay connected with their loved ones.

This might mean setting aside dedicated time for family dinners, regular phone calls with friends, or simply sending thoughtful messages.

In either case, they recognize that these efforts keep relationships strong and meaningful.

Moreover, when they are with their loved ones, they practice active listening and full presence.

For this, they engage genuinely in conversations, showing that they value and respect their relationships.

9) Ignoring their intuition

Ever had that gut feeling about something but chose to ignore it only to regret it later?

I know I have.

Emotionally intelligent people value their intuition.

Perhaps not surprisingly, it is a powerful tool in decision-making. People with high emotional intelligence know this and use it in conjunction with rational thinking.

They listen to their inner voice—because often, it knows what’s best.

This intuition is more than just a hunch — it’s an accumulation of experiences and subconscious insights.

They trust this inner guidance system, especially in situations where facts and logic might not give the whole picture.

That’s how they navigate complex social dynamics and make decisions that align with their values and emotional well-being.

In conclusion: Fostering emotional intelligence

Now it’s clear that emotional intelligence is not just what we do, but also what we choose not to do.

It’s a delicate balance of self-awareness, empathy, and mindful decision-making.

This insight offers us a valuable lens through which to view our own actions and reactions, guiding us toward more thoughtful and fulfilling interactions.

So, let’s take these insights and apply them. In doing so, we not only improve our own lives but also contribute to a more emotionally intelligent world.