10 things a narcissist will say to minimize you and make you feel small

Mia Zhang by Mia Zhang | July 14, 2024, 8:48 pm

Engaging in a conversation with a narcissist can feel like walking through a field of landmines.

You might constantly find yourself questioning your worth or feeling diminished.

Why does this happen? Well, narcissists have a talent for using words to deflate your confidence while boosting their own ego.

They don’t do this overtly; instead, they subtly sprinkle in phrases aimed at chipping away at your self-esteem, making it seem like just another part of the chat.

In this piece, we’ll unveil 10 common phrases narcissists use to diminish you and make you feel insignificant.  

1) “You’re too sensitive”

This is a classic phrase used by narcissists when they want to belittle you.

The cunning aspect of this phrase is how it shifts the blame from them to you.

Instead of acknowledging their own inappropriate behavior, they make you feel guilty for reacting to it.

Suddenly, you’re not upset because they did something wrong, instead, you’re upset because you’re “too sensitive”.

This clever twist of perspective allows them to escape responsibility.

2) “No one else thinks that way”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this phrase.

It’s another underhanded tactic used by narcissists to make you feel isolated and wrong.

Let me share a personal example. I once had a boss who would constantly use this line whenever I voiced an opinion that didn’t align with his.

If I dared to suggest a different approach to a project, he’d quickly retort, “No one else thinks that way.”

At first, it made me doubt my instincts. I felt out of touch and started second-guessing my decisions.

But over time, I realized what was happening.

He wasn’t interested in hearing different perspectives.

He just wanted to maintain control and make me feel less competent.

3) “I’m just being honest”

We’ve all grown up hearing the age-old advice: “Honesty is the best policy.”

However, narcissists have a knack for twisting this noble principle to suit their own deceptive agendas.

In psychology, there’s a term known as the “honesty bias.” Translation?

People are inclined to trust statements preceded by phrases like “To be honest” or “I’m just being honest.”

So, when a narcissist utters the phrase, “I’m just being honest,” it’s rarely a genuine attempt to offer constructive criticism.

Instead, it often serves as a thin veil for their hurtful remarks.

4) “You just don’t get it”

This phrase is a classic maneuver in the narcissist’s playbook.

When they claim, “You just don’t get it,” they’re subtly suggesting that you lack the intelligence or insight to grasp their supposedly superior perspective.

In reality, they’re brushing off your opinion or feelings, refusing to engage in a genuine dialogue or acknowledge the validity of your viewpoint.

If you ever find yourself on the receiving end of this phrase, remember it’s merely a tactic to assert control and maintain their sense of superiority in the conversation.

5) “You’re just jealous”

Narcissists excel at flipping the script.

Call them out on their behavior or express discontent, and they’ll swiftly label you as jealous. 

It’s a crafty move to shift focus from their own actions and throw you off balance, leaving you second-guessing yourself instead of addressing their inappropriate conduct.

But don’t fall for the diversion.

Stand your ground. It’s absolutely legitimate to confront behaviors or actions that unsettle you.

6) “You’re overreacting”

When someone tells you that you’re overreacting to your emotions, it’s more than just a casual remark—it’s a direct blow to your confidence. 

Behind those dismissive words lies a calculated attempt to minimize your feelings, reducing them to insignificance.

It’s as if they’re sneering, implying, “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”

But let’s set the record straight: Your feelings matter.

They’re valid, no matter what anyone else says. 

7) “You always take things too personally”

This phrase has echoed in my ears more times than I care to count. 

I vividly recall a moment when I mustered the courage to speak up about a friend’s offensive joke.

Instead of an apology, I was met with the cutting remark, “You always take things too personally.”

It left me reeling, questioning whether I was somehow at fault for feeling hurt.

But as time passed, I came to a profound realization: It’s not about being overly sensitive.

It’s about demanding respect from others. 

When those boundaries are crossed, expressing your feelings isn’t an overreaction—it’s a bold assertion of your worth and an unwavering demand for the respect you rightfully deserve.

8) “I’m only trying to help”

On the surface, this statement seems innocent, even caring.

But when spoken by a narcissist, it often hides a different intent.

Under the guise of ‘help,’ they critique your choices, undermine your decisions, or belittle your achievements.

It’s a subtle way of asserting control and making you feel inadequate.

The tricky part is that it can make you feel ungrateful or unreasonable for rejecting their ‘help.’

But remember, true help comes without strings attached.

It doesn’t make you feel inferior or dependent.

It’s okay to refuse help that doesn’t feel helpful.

9) “You’re making a big deal out of nothing”

This phrase is just another weapon in the narcissist’s arsenal to downplay your feelings and brush off your worries. 

When they tell you that you’re blowing things out of proportion, it’s like they’re saying your emotions don’t count and your judgment can’t be trusted.

But let it sink in: if it’s important to you, then it jolly well matters.

You have every right to determine what holds significance in your life.

When someone tries to trivialize your concerns, remember, it’s not about the size of the issue, but the impact it has on you.

10) “You need me”

The purpose of this phrase? To leave you feeling reliant, insecure, and utterly worthless without their presence.

But here’s the real deal: You don’t require anyone who consistently chips away at your confidence, belittles your significance, or undermines your worth.

You possess strength, capability, and inherent value all on your own.

Don’t allow anyone to sow seeds of doubt about that. You are more than enough, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

When life gives you narcissists, make sure your self-worth is waterproof!

When dealing with manipulative phrases from narcissists, stand firm in your self-worth. 

Recognize these tactics as attempts to control and diminish you, but refuse to let them define you.

Assert your boundaries and surround yourself with supportive allies who uplift and validate you. 

Prioritize your mental and emotional well-being by practicing self-care and cultivating resilience.

Remember, you hold the power to disengage from toxic dynamics and create a life filled with authenticity and empowerment. 

Rise above the negativity, embrace your strength, and forge a path of positivity and self-respect.

You deserve nothing less than a life where your worth shines brightly, untarnished by manipulation.