If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you’ll likely be familiar with the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways they can make you feel insecure and inadequate.

Narcissists are known for their manipulation, often using words as their weapon of choice. 

They might shower you with compliments one minute and belittle you the next, leaving you feeling off-balance and questioning your worth.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be tough, but understanding their tactics can help you handle the challenges that come along with it.

This article will delve into things a narcissist will say to make you feel inadequate and insecure, according to psychology.

A bit of knowledge might just equip you better for these encounters.

1) “You’re overreacting.”

One of the most common phrases you might hear from a narcissist is “You’re overreacting.”

This is a classic example of gaslighting: a manipulative tactic where the narcissist tries to make you question your own perceptions and reality.

For instance, you might express hurt or frustration over something they’ve said or done.

Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they dismiss them with a wave of their hand and say, “You’re overreacting.”

This not only invalidates your emotions but also implies that it’s your fault for feeling the way you do.

They use this phrase to create self-doubt and insecurity, making you feel as if there’s something wrong with how you react to things.

You might start to question your own judgment and feel inadequate for having ‘excessive’ emotional responses.

By doing this, the narcissist maintains control and avoids taking responsibility for their actions. 

2) “I’m only trying to help.”

On the surface, “I’m only trying to help” might sound like a caring and supportive statement from a loved one.

However, when it comes from a narcissist, it could carry a completely different meaning.

Narcissists often use this phrase as a shield to conceal their belittling remarks or unsolicited advice.

For instance, they might critique your appearance, career choices, or lifestyle under the guise of offering helpful feedback. Their ‘help’ leaves you feeling inadequate and unsure about your own decisions.

What they’re actually doing is undermining your confidence to enhance their own sense of superiority. This pseudo-helpfulness creates a power dynamic where they position themselves as the knowledgeable ones and you as the ones in need of guidance.

But real help is supportive and uplifting, not patronizing or demeaning.

You have the right to assert your boundaries and reject unsolicited advice that makes you feel like you’re not enough.

3) “No one else would put up with you.”

Possibly one of the most damaging things a narcissist can say is, “No one else would put up with you.”

This cruel statement is designed to make you feel unwanted, unlovable, and utterly alone.

Narcissists use this phrase to isolate you and make you dependent on them for validation and acceptance. They want you to believe that they’re doing you a favor by being with you and that you should be grateful for their ‘tolerance’ of your supposed flaws.

In reality, this is a reflection of their own fear of abandonment, a common trait among people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

By making you feel as if no one else could possibly want you, they secure their own position in your life, ensuring that you won’t leave them.

4) “If you loved me, you’d…”

“When you hear “If you loved me, you’d…” from a narcissist, it’s often followed by a demand or expectation that you do something to prove your love.

This can be anything from changing your behavior, giving up something important to you, or going against your own values.

This manipulative phrase plays on your feelings and commitment towards them.

They’re essentially questioning your love to get what they want, and it can leave you feeling guilty and eager to please, even at your own expense.

But love isn’t about constantly proving yourself or sacrificing your own needs and happiness.

It’s about mutual respect, understanding, and compassion. If someone truly loves you, they won’t repeatedly set tests or conditions for their affection.

Always remember that you have the right to say no and to make choices that respect your own well-being and integrity.

You are enough just as you are, and your love doesn’t need constant proving.

5) “Can’t you take a joke?”

Have you ever found yourself on the receiving end of a spiteful comment or cruel joke, only to have the narcissist brush it off as harmless fun?

They might say something hurtful, and then, when you express your hurt, they respond, “Can’t you take a joke?”

This is their way of belittling your feelings and making you seem overly sensitive. They may even laugh at your reaction, further emphasizing their point and making you feel foolish for being upset.

But here’s the thing: humor should not be at the expense of others, especially when it hurts.

You’re not overreacting for refusing to laugh at a ‘joke’ that’s intended to belittle you.

Your feelings are valid. If a joke hurts, it’s not a joke.

It’s okay to express your discomfort, and it’s important to surround yourself with people who respect your feelings. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, always.

6) “You’re just too sensitive.”

One phrase that you may often hear from a narcissist is “You’re just too sensitive.”

I remember a friend who was constantly on the receiving end of this phrase from her partner. Whenever she expressed her feelings or showed any sign of vulnerability, she was met with this dismissive response.

The repeated use of this phrase made her start to doubt her own emotions. She began to believe that maybe she was overly sensitive and that her reactions were unreasonable.

It’s a subtle form of manipulation that can greatly affect one’s self-esteem and self-trust over time.

But here’s the truth: there’s no such thing as being ‘too sensitive’.

Having feelings and expressing them doesn’t make you weak or irrational. It makes you human. Your feelings are valid and should be respected, not dismissed or belittled. 

7) “I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

A narcissist might tell you, “I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

This grandiose statement is designed to make you feel indebted to them as if your life was somehow less meaningful or complete before they entered it.

You may start to believe this narrative, especially if you’re constantly hearing it.

But let’s get real here: no one person should be the sole source of your happiness or self-worth. You were whole before they came into your life, and you will continue to be whole without them.

Your value is not defined by a relationship or by someone else’s opinion of you. It’s defined by your own self-belief and the love and respect you have for yourself.

8) “You will never find someone like me.”

Perhaps one of the most audacious things a narcissist might say is, “You will never find someone like me”.

This statement is meant to make you believe that you’re lucky to have them and that no one else could possibly compare.

But here’s the most important thing to remember: They’re right. You won’t find someone like them, and that’s a good thing.

You deserve someone who respects you, values your feelings, and treats you with kindness and equality.

So, if a narcissist ever tells you this, agree with them.

Because you don’t need someone who makes you feel inadequate and insecure. You deserve better.

And remember, there’s a whole world out there filled with people who will see your worth and love you for who you are. Don’t settle for less.

Final thoughts

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be a challenging and emotional journey, but remember, it’s not a reflection of your worth.

This article is intended to shed light on the manipulative tactics a narcissist may use, but ultimately, the power lies with you.

Don’t let anyone make you question your worth or feelings. You have every right to express your emotions and to demand respect and kindness in return.

Remember, there’s a big, beautiful world out there full of people who will value and respect you just as you are.

Don’t let the narcissist’s voice drown out your own.