Navigating a relationship with a narcissist is like walking on a tightrope.

They thrive on control and manipulation, so what happens when they begin to lose their hold?

Knowing how a narcissist responds when they feel their control slipping can equip you to handle the unexpected. It’s challenging, but it’s manageable.

In this article, we’ll explore 10 typical reactions you might encounter from a narcissist as they sense their control slipping.

Get ready for an eye-opening exploration into the psyche of a narcissist. 

1) Panic and retaliate

When a narcissist’s control starts to slip, their first instinct is often panic.

This is because control is their safety net. It’s what they use to manipulate their environment and the people in it. When they feel this control being threatened, they can go into survival mode.

What does this look like in action? Expect retaliation. Narcissists can’t stand the idea of not being in command, so they might resort to various tactics to regain that control.

This could be in the form of emotional outbursts, manipulation, or even becoming overly charming to win you back over.

2) They play the victim card

From what I’ve seen, when a narcissist feels their grip slipping, they often turn to playing the victim.

They’re masters at flipping the script, making themselves out to be the ones who’ve been wronged, even if they’re the ones causing the chaos.

I had an experience with an old friend who showed strong narcissistic tendencies.

When I finally stood up for myself and refused to give in to his unreasonable demands, he changed the story. Suddenly, he was the victim and I was the villain, trying to win over our mutual friends’ sympathy.

This tactic is classic for narcissists trying to regain control. By playing the victim, they twist others’ perceptions and might even push you away in the process.

Remember, it’s not about you—it’s about their need for control. Recognizing this move can help you handle it gracefully without losing your cool.

3) They’ll attempt to gaslight you

Gaslighting is a term that came into popular vocabulary from the 1944 film, “Gaslight,” where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s losing her sanity. Ironically, this is a common tool in the narcissist’s arsenal.

When a narcissist feels they are losing control, they may resort to gaslighting. This involves manipulating someone into doubting their own memory, perception, or sanity.

In essence, the narcissist alters reality to fit their narrative. They might deny things happened, twist your words, or accuse you of misunderstanding.

The goal? To make you question your own judgement and ultimately regain control.

4) They’ll give you the silent treatment

When a narcissist senses they’re losing control, one of their go-to tactics is the silent treatment.

It’s not just about staying quiet—it’s a subtle form of emotional manipulation aimed at reasserting their dominance. By cutting off communication and affection, they induce feelings of guilt, fear, and abandonment in their victim.

This behavior is designed to make you feel like you’ve done something wrong, prompting you to apologize or seek reconciliation.

But it’s crucial to realize: it’s not about you. It’s about their desperate need to maintain control.

5) They’ll resort to blame-shifting

When a narcissist senses they’re losing control, they often turn to blame-shifting. It’s a tactic to deflect responsibility and uphold their facade of perfection.

They do this by projecting their own faults and errors onto you. No matter the situation, they swiftly twist it to make it seem like your fault.

It’s disorienting and guilt-inducing, leaving you feeling lost. But don’t forget, this is just another move in their game to reclaim dominance.

6) They may try to isolate you

When a narcissist starts losing control, they may resort to drastic measures, like trying to cut you off from your support network.

This might involve discouraging you from spending time with friends and family or speaking negatively about those close to you. Their aim? To make you rely solely on them, thus regaining their hold over the situation.

Isolation can deeply affect your emotional well-being, leaving you feeling lonely and unsupported. But remember, you’re not alone.

It’s vital to maintain your connections with loved ones and reach out for help when needed. There’s strength in numbers, and it’s perfectly okay to lean on others during tough times.

7) They’ll try to make you feel guilty

Guilt can be a potent weapon in the hands of a narcissist, especially when they’re losing control. They might try to manipulate you into feeling guilty for standing up for yourself or setting boundaries.

I remember a time when I began asserting my needs in a relationship with a narcissist.

Instead of respecting my boundaries, they twisted things around, making me feel guilty for prioritizing my own well-being. They painted me as selfish and uncaring, when all I was doing was safeguarding my mental health.

Make no mistake: setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s essential for your well-being. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for prioritizing yourself.

8) They might become overly nice

This might come as a surprise, but when a narcissist feels they’re losing control, they might suddenly become incredibly nice.

This sudden shift in behavior can be quite confusing. They might shower you with compliments, gifts, or promises of change. It’s all part of their attempt to regain the control they feel they’ve lost.

However, it’s crucial to remember that this change is likely temporary and strategic. It’s not about genuine remorse or desire to change—it’s about reestablishing their control.

While it might be tempting to fall for this charm offensive, it’s essential to stay grounded in reality and remember their past behavior.

9) They’ll threaten or intimidate you

When a narcissist feels their grip slipping, they often resort to threats or intimidation as a way to regain control.

These threats can come in various shapes and sizes. They might threaten to walk out on you, harm themselves, or even spread harmful rumors about you. The goal is to instill fear and make you feel powerless, thus putting them back in charge.

Dealing with these threats can be incredibly stressful. But your safety should always come first. If you ever feel threatened, don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends, family, or even the authorities if needed.

10) They’ll deny their behavior

One of the most disturbing behaviors a narcissist might exhibit when they feel threatened is outright denial.

They might insist they never said or did certain things, or imply that you’re exaggerating or remembering incorrectly. This denial isn’t just about dodging responsibility—it’s a tactic meant to make you doubt your own reality.

It can be incredibly disorienting, but hold onto your truth. Your experiences are valid, and nobody has the right to undermine or dismiss them. Recognizing these tactics is the first step in reclaiming your own power.

Final thoughts: It’s about empowerment

Dealing with a narcissist when they’re losing control can feel like navigating a stormy sea. But getting a handle on their behavior can give you a sense of empowerment.

Let’s be clear: their actions aren’t about you. Narcissists operate from a place of deep insecurity, using control as a shield for their fragile self-image.

Whether they’re gaslighting you or playing the victim, it’s important to remember that their tactics don’t define your worth. They’re simply reflections of their inner struggles.

Understanding these dynamics allows you to take charge in such relationships. You can set boundaries, seek support when needed, and, most importantly, stand firm in your truth.