There’s quite a difference between dealing with an average individual and a narcissist, especially when the power dynamics shift.

The shift happens when a narcissist loses the upper hand. That’s when things can get really interesting, or dare I say, even a bit tricky.

According to psychology, a narcissist will react in certain predictable ways when they feel they’re losing control.

And trust me, it’s worth knowing what these reactions are.

So buckle up, because we’re about to delve into the mind of a narcissist on the back foot.

This is your guide to understanding things a narcissist will do when they lose the upper hand.

1) Gaslighting

Ah, gaslighting. This is a concept that narcissists love to use and psychology loves to study.

When a narcissist feels they’re losing control, their first reaction is often to twist reality.

They’ll try to make you question your own perceptions and memories. It’s a tried and tested technique for them to regain the upper hand.

Gaslighting is a term that was first coined in a 1938 stage play called “Gas Light”, where a husband makes his wife believe she’s losing her mind by subtly changing elements in their environment and then denying it.

In real life, a narcissist might deny events you both experienced, or challenge your emotional reactions to those events. They do this to disorient you, making it easier for them to control the narrative.

Sound familiar? This is one of the hallmarks of narcissistic behavior when they feel they’re losing their grip on the situation.

And recognizing it is the first step in dealing with it effectively.

2) Deflection

Let’s talk about deflection, a technique that I’ve personally experienced in my encounters with narcissists.

I remember this one time, I was having a discussion with a friend who has narcissistic tendencies. The conversation started to veer towards a topic where they knew they were in the wrong.

Suddenly, they switched the conversation to an entirely unrelated topic – my recent vacation. At first, I was taken aback. Why were we discussing my holiday plans when we were supposed to be discussing their actions?

That’s when it clicked. They were using deflection as a technique to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

Narcissists are experts at changing the subject or pointing fingers when they feel cornered or threatened.

This deflection allows them to regain control of the situation while simultaneously avoiding any self-reflection or acknowledgement of their own flaws.

So next time you’re in a conversation with a narcissist and you find the topic abruptly changing, remember – it might be an attempt at deflection.

3) Intimidation

When a narcissist feels they’ve lost the upper hand, they often resort to intimidation. It’s not always physical – more often, it’s emotional or psychological.

Intimidation can be in the form of overt threats, passive-aggressive behavior, or even silent treatment. The goal is to make the other person feel uncomfortable, anxious, or fearful.

This strategy is rooted in a narcissist’s desire for power and control. In fact, narcissists are more likely to use intimidation tactics in their relationships compared to non-narcissists.

So if you find yourself feeling intimidated during a confrontation with a narcissist, remember that it’s not about you. It’s just their way of trying to regain control.

4) Blame-shifting

Blame-shifting is another common tactic that narcissists employ when they perceive a loss in power.

Narcissists have a hard time accepting responsibility for their actions. They often believe they can do no wrong, so when things go awry, they need someone else to pin it on.

If you’re on the receiving end of this, you might find yourself being accused of things you didn’t do or being blamed for problems you didn’t cause.

It’s important to remember that this is a reflection of their inability to take responsibility, not a reflection of your actions. Don’t let their blame-shifting make you question your own judgement or reality.

5) Retaliation

One of the hardest things to witness is when a narcissist retaliates after losing control. It’s difficult because it often comes from a deep place of pain and fear within them.

Retaliation can take many forms – from spreading rumors, to sabotaging your work or relationships, to outright hostility. It’s their way of regaining power and control, even if it’s at the expense of others.

I’ve seen the damage this can cause, and it’s heartbreaking. The hurt it inflicts can be deep and long-lasting.

Remember, though, their actions are not a reflection of you, but a reflection of their own insecurities. While it’s important to protect yourself, try to remember that this hurtful behavior is coming from a place of fear within them.

6) Isolation

Isolation is a tool that narcissists often resort to when they feel they’ve lost the upper hand. By isolating you from your support network, they’re able to regain control and manipulate the narrative.

I remember when I first moved to a new city for work. I was in a relationship with someone who had narcissistic tendencies.

 As I started making new friends and building a life there, they started showing signs of discomfort.

Before I knew it, I found myself spending less time with my new friends and more time trying to appease my partner.

Looking back, I realize this was their way of isolating me, ensuring that they were the main influence in my life.

If you find yourself being isolated or cut off from your support network, it’s important to recognize this for what it is – a control tactic. Reach out to your loved ones, and remember that you have the right to maintain your relationships outside of the one with the narcissist.

7) Charm offensive

Believe it or not, a narcissist can turn on the charm when they feel they’re losing control. This is often referred to as “love bombing”. They might shower you with gifts, compliments, or attention to win you over.

This sudden shift can be confusing, but it’s simply another tactic in their arsenal. They use their charm to manipulate your emotions and regain the upper hand.

The key here is consistency. If their charming behavior comes in waves, particularly after instances of conflict or when they feel threatened, it’s likely not genuine. It’s just another method for them to re-establish control.

8) Denial

Lastly, but certainly not least, we have denial. When a narcissist loses the upper hand, they may outright deny any wrongdoing or flaw on their part.

This is perhaps the most important thing to remember. Despite evidence to the contrary, a narcissist might insist they did nothing wrong or that they’re the victim. This is because admitting they’re wrong would shatter their inflated sense of self.

Denial can be incredibly frustrating to deal with, but understanding that it’s a defensive mechanism can help you navigate these interactions. Remember, it’s not about you. It’s about their struggle to maintain an image of perfection.

Final thoughts: Understanding, not condemnation

When we delve into the realm of psychology, particularly when dealing with narcissists, it’s easy to focus on the negative aspects.

However, it’s essential to remember that narcissism is often a coping mechanism for deep-seated insecurities and pain.

The behaviors we’ve discussed, as destructive as they may be, are often strategies for self-protection. That’s not to excuse them, but to understand them.

When a narcissist loses the upper hand, their reactions are rooted in fear. Fear of losing control, fear of vulnerability, fear of being seen as less than perfect.

Recognizing these behaviors for what they are can equip you to deal with them more effectively. But beyond that, it might also foster a sense of compassion.

Not sympathy for destructive behavior, but a compassionate understanding of the human struggle that often lies beneath it. After all, we are all products of our experiences, shaped by the tools we’ve learned to navigate the world.