If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you may have noticed how they subtly erode your sense of self-worth.

Narcissists often employ covert and overt strategies to make those around them feel insignificant — and keep themselves in control at the same time. 

Understanding these tactics is the first step toward breaking free from their influence.

As a psychologist, I’d like to share with you eight common strategies narcissists use to make you feel like you don’t matter.

1) They’ll constantly undermine your accomplishments

Achievements, big or small, should be celebrated, right?

But if you’re dealing with a narcissist, they might react differently. Rather than celebrating with you, they’ll find ways to undermine your success.

It could be a subtle comment that downplays your achievement or a blatant disregard for your feelings of accomplishment.

The goal? To make you feel like you’re not good enough, that your efforts don’t matter.

This is a common tactic employed by narcissists to keep you in your place and maintain their superiority. It’s their way of controlling the narrative around your worth.

2) They’ll repeatedly dismiss your feelings

Ever try expressing your feelings, only to be met with a dismissive response? I have.

There was once a person in my life who would always shrug off my feelings as if they were unimportant. I’d tell them I was upset about something, and they’d respond with “Oh, you’re always so sensitive.”

I felt unheard, invalidated. It was as if my feelings were merely an inconvenience to them.

This is a classic narcissistic maneuver. They dismiss your feelings to belittle you, to make you doubt the validity of your emotions.

It’s their way of maintaining dominance and control in the relationship. They want you to feel like you’re overreacting, like your feelings don’t matter.

But don’t fall for it. Don’t ever think your feelings aren’t valid, because they absolutely are. 

3) They’ll monopolize conversations

Because they thrive on being the center of attention, narcissists have a knack for making every conversation about them.

They’ll steer discussions towards their interests, experiences, or achievements, rarely pausing to consider your input or opinions.

This isn’t just an irritating habit. Conversational narcissism is a calculated move to keep the spotlight firmly on them.

According to research, narcissists use conversational tactics to attract and retain admirers, such as:

• Boasting
• Refocusing the topic of the conversation on the self
• Exaggerating hand and body movements
• Using a loud tone of voice
• “Glazing over” when others speak

So next time you’re stuck in a one-sided conversation, remember this: you’re not just an audience member in someone else’s show. You have a voice, and it deserves to be heard.

4) They’ll guilt-trip you for no reason

Narcissists also have an uncanny ability to make you feel guilty, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

They’ll blame you for their own failures or missteps, and twist situations to make you feel responsible for their unhappiness.

This is nothing but a manipulation tactic, designed to make you feel indebted and subordinate.

They want you to question your actions, your motives, your worth. They want you to feel like the bad guy, while they play the victim.

Again, don’t fall for it. You’re not responsible for someone else’s happiness or failures. Don’t let them use guilt as a weapon to control you.

5) They’ll constantly compare you to others

“I’m not as good as so-and-so.”

“Why can’t I be more like them?”

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking these thoughts, you might have a narcissist in your life.

I’ve been there too. I had someone who would constantly compare me to others, highlighting my shortcomings while praising others’ strengths.

It was a never-ending cycle of comparison that left me feeling inadequate and worthless.

But here’s what I’ve learned: this is just another tactic narcissists use to belittle you. They want to make you feel lesser, so they feel superior.

Don’t let their comparisons define you. Your worth is not determined by how you stack up against others. You are enough just as you are.

6) They’ll shower you with excessive praise

Sounds strange, doesn’t it? Narcissists are known for their self-absorption, not their generosity with compliments.

But here’s the catch. They will often lavish praise on you, but it’s not because they genuinely appreciate you. It’s a manipulation tactic called ‘love bombing‘.

They’ll make you feel special, loved – like you’re on top of the world. But this over-the-top adulation often has a hidden agenda. It’s their way of making you reliant on their approval and affection.

Once they have you hooked, they’ll start to withdraw their praise, leaving you feeling insecure and desperate for more.

Genuine appreciation doesn’t come with strings attached. Don’t fall for the trap of constant validation – it’s not a measure of your worth.

7) They’ll gaslight you

Gaslighting is perhaps one of the most insidious tactics a narcissist will employ. It’s a form of psychological manipulation where they make you question your own sanity.

They’ll deny things that have happened, twist the truth, and misrepresent facts until you’re left doubting your own memory, perception, and even sanity.

The aim? To destabilize and delegitimize your understanding of reality, making you more dependent on them for what’s “true”.

It’s a cruel mind game, but don’t let them play it. Trust yourself. Trust your experiences. Your reality is valid, regardless of what they want you to believe.

8) They’ll never apologize

Lastly, a narcissist will rarely, if ever, admit they’re wrong or apologize.

They view apologies as a sign of weakness, an admission of fault they’re not willing to make. Their ego is too fragile to handle the idea of being imperfect.

And in the rare case that they do apologize, it’s likely going to be a “non-apology” apology. What does that mean? 

That means it includes the following, according to psychologist Mary Ann Little:

• Reliance on explanations, defensiveness and rationalizations
• Excuses
• Fault-finding
• Resistance or refusal to take any responsibility for what happened

What’s even more frustrating is how this behavior can make you doubt yourself over time.

You may start to internalize their lack of accountability, wondering if maybe you are overreacting or being unreasonable.

This constant dismissal of your emotions can erode your self-worth, leaving you feeling like your concerns don’t matter and you’re undeserving of basic respect, like a genuine apology.

It’s a toxic cycle that serves only to protect the narcissist’s fragile ego at your expense.

Understanding narcissism and its impact

If you’ve made it this far, it’s clear that dealing with a narcissist is a challenging and often painful experience.

Narcissism isn’t a simple matter of being overly confident or self-centered. It’s a personality disorder marked by a lack of empathy, an inflated sense of self-importance, and a constant need for admiration.

Being on the receiving end of a narcissist’s tactics can leave you feeling confused, belittled, and insignificant. But remember this – their actions are a reflection of who they are, not who you are.

You matter. Your feelings are valid. Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise.

Stand strong in your truth. You are more than enough just as you are.