I once thought love was supposed to feel like fireworks—intense, consuming, and maybe even a little chaotic.

But somewhere along the way, I realized that fireworks can also burn. Especially when the person you’re with isn’t fueling your soul but feeding their ego.

It’s easy to confuse devotion with dependency when a narcissist enters your life.

They have this way of making you feel like you’re the center of their universe, only to slowly make themselves the center of yours.

It’s not love; it’s a clever illusion.

I’ve seen it, I’ve felt it, and I’ve learned to spot it. So, let’s break down the tactics they use to keep you tethered.

Because once you see through the facade, you’ll realize you’re more than capable of standing on your own.

1) Creating dependency

Narcissists are masters at creating a web of dependency.

Their ultimate goal? Making you believe you can’t live without them.

They’ll begin by making themselves indispensable in your life, offering help, guidance, and support.

But here’s the catch. It’s all part of their calculated plan to create a situation where you feel helpless without their presence or their input.

This could range from taking control of your finances to making all major decisions in your life.

Narcissists thrive on this control and the power dynamics it creates. It makes them feel needed and important.

In a healthy relationship, there’s a balance of power and mutual respect. If you notice this kind of dependency forming, it’s time to take a step back and evaluate the situation for what it is.

2) Emotional manipulation

Another tactic narcissists often use is emotional manipulation.

Let me share a personal experience. I once knew a person who was an expert at this.

She would constantly play on my fears and insecurities, making me feel like I was nothing without her. She had a way of twisting words and situations, making herself the victim even when she was clearly in the wrong.

She would often say things like, “You’re lucky to have me. No one else would put up with you.” These kind of statements made me doubt my self-worth and kept me hooked to her for validation.

Looking back, I realize that her behavior was classic narcissistic emotional manipulation.

She was trying to make me feel like I couldn’t live without her, when in reality, it was her who couldn’t live without the control she had over me.

Emotional manipulation is a powerful tool in a narcissist’s arsenal.

If you find yourself in such a situation, seek help and remember that everyone deserves to be in a relationship where they feel valued and respected.

3) Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a common technique used by narcissists.

Named after the 1944 film “Gaslight”, where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane, it’s a form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist makes you question your own sanity, memory, or perceptions.

In reality, you’re not losing your mind.

The narcissist is deliberately trying to make you feel confused or crazy to maintain control and dominance in the relationship.

Instances of gaslighting can range from outright lies, to denying they ever said something, even though you have clear proof, to moving things around and blaming you for misplacing them.

This devious tactic can make you second-guess yourself and eventually come to rely on the narcissist for what’s “real”.

Always remember, trust your instincts and perspective. You’re not the one who’s wrong – it’s the gaslighter who’s distorting reality.

4) Love-bombing

When you first meet a narcissist, they may shower you with affection, compliments, gifts, and adoration.

This is known as love-bombing. They make you feel like you’re the most special person in the world, and it can be incredibly intoxicating.

But don’t be fooled. This tactic is not about genuine love or affection. It’s a calculated move designed to make you emotionally dependent on them.

Once they have you hooked, they’ll often withdraw their affection to keep you chasing that initial high.

You might find yourself constantly striving to please them, hoping to get back to that initial phase of intense affection.

But real love doesn’t need manipulation or power games. Mutual respect and care is what matters most here.

5) Isolation from loved ones

Narcissists often try to isolate you from your friends and family.

They might disguise it as a desire for intimacy or quality time together, but in reality, it’s a strategic move to make you more dependent on them.

Imagine this: slowly but surely, your world starts shrinking.

The phone calls with your best friend become less frequent, family gatherings become awkward because your narcissistic partner constantly criticizes your family, or you start declining invitations to go out because your partner disapproves of your friends.

You might find yourself alone, without the support system you once had.

The isolation can make you feel like the narcissist is the only person left in your world, intensifying the feeling that you can’t live without them.

No one should ever come between you and your loved ones. It’s crucial to maintain those relationships and have a support network outside of your relationship.

6) Constant criticism

I remember a time when I was constantly criticized by a person I held dear.

It started with small things – how I dressed, the food I cooked, the way I laughed. Over time, it escalated to criticizing my dreams and ambitions.

He had a way of making these critiques sound like he was just trying to help me improve.

But in reality, he was chipping away at my self-esteem, making me doubt my worth and capabilities.

The constant criticism from a narcissist can be extremely damaging, leaving you feeling inadequate and constantly striving for their approval.

Always keep in mind, you are enough just the way you are, and no one has the right to make you feel otherwise.

7) Playing the victim

A common tactic narcissists use is playing the victim.

They have a knack for twisting situations and making themselves appear as the injured party, no matter what the reality is.

In a disagreement, they might blame you for their own actions or even accuse you of making them behave a certain way.

This shifts the focus from their unacceptable behavior and puts you on the defensive.

The aim? To make you feel guilty, responsible for their emotions, and ultimately more compliant to their demands.

Everyone is responsible for their actions and emotions. Don’t let a narcissist convince you otherwise.

8) One-sided relationship

The most important thing to understand about a narcissist is that their relationships are often one-sided. Narcissists often take without giving.

A narcissist will expect your undivided attention, devotion, and admiration, but they won’t necessarily return the favor.

You may find yourself always catering to their needs, while your own needs and desires are consistently ignored or dismissed.

This can lead to emotional exhaustion and can make you feel like you can’t live without them because you’re so invested in their world.

A healthy relationship is a two-way street, with both partners contributing equally and feeling valued. You deserve nothing less.

Final thoughts

Here’s the thing about narcissists—they thrive on control. And the moment you see through their tactics, you take that power away from them.

I’ve learned that leaving a narcissistic relationship isn’t simply walking away—it’s rediscovering pieces of yourself you may have lost along the way: your confidence, your independence, your joy.

It feels like finally taking a deep breath after being underwater for far too long.

The more you understand their games, the better equipped you are to stop playing. So, if you’re in the middle of this storm, know that you have the strength to step out of it.

Because at the end of the day, love shouldn’t feel like a battle. It should feel like peace.

And that peace starts when you choose yourself over their chaos. You’re not stuck—you’re just one decision away from finding your freedom.