Narcissism isn’t about having a healthy sense of self-esteem, it’s about manipulating others to serve your own interests.

But what happens when those in the narcissist’s life wise up and refuse to be used any further?

When you pull back the curtain and reveal their game, they often resort to certain behaviors to try to regain control. This article will take you through nine of these tactics.

So, brace yourself. We’re about to delve into the mind of a narcissist when they realize they can no longer use you. Knowledge is power, and knowing these signs can arm you against their manipulation.

1) They try to regain control

The first thing you might notice is an assertive push to reclaim the upper hand.

Narcissists can’t stand losing control, especially over people they’ve been manipulating for their own gains. When you pull away, they’ll likely double down on their efforts to make you feel dependent on them again.

This could take the form of emotional manipulation, guilt trips, or even grand gestures designed to make you question your decision. They’re trying to pull you back into their web of control where they feel most comfortable.

2) They turn to gaslighting

From my own encounters, I’ve learned that when a narcissist feels their control slipping, they often turn to gaslighting.

I vividly recall the moment I decided to cut ties with a narcissistic friend.

Suddenly, she twisted past events, leaving me doubting my own memory and sanity. She insisted I was overreacting, convincing me our issues were figments of my imagination.

Gaslighting is a classic move: planting seeds of doubt, leaving victims questioning their judgment. It’s a subtle yet potent form of manipulation, aimed at keeping you under their sway.

Recognizing this tactic is empowering—it bolsters your resolve and shields you from their influence.

3) They play the victim

Narcissists are experts at flipping the script. When you stop feeding their ego and demand respect, they have a knack for turning the tables and portraying themselves as the victim.

Contrary to what many believe, narcissists aren’t always brash and self-assured. In fact, research shows that they can be incredibly sensitive to rejection and criticism. This sensitivity often leads them to adopt a victim mentality as a defense mechanism.

So, when you pull away, don’t be surprised if they start telling tales of how you’ve wronged them. They do this to evoke sympathy and make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself.

It’s just another way for them to regain control.

4) They try to make you jealous

When a narcissist senses their grip slipping, they’ll whip out the jealousy card.

They’ll casually toss around how amazing their life is without you, flaunting their new crew or love interest like it’s a game.

But don’t fall for it. It’s a slick move, designed to make you second-guess yourself, to make you feel like you’re missing out.

But trust me, it’s all a smoke screen. They’re just trying to yank you back into their circus and reclaim control.  

5) They resort to smear campaigns

When a narcissist senses your independence as a threat, they’ll unleash a storm of lies and half-truths to tarnish your name.

Their goal? Not just to discredit you, but to leave you stranded, friendless, and vulnerable. By sabotaging your reputation and bonds, they’re banking on you feeling isolated and ripe for manipulation.

It’s a brutal play, no doubt. But knowing their game plan arms you with clarity, helping you see through their smear campaign and stand tall against their deceit.

6) They use emotional blackmail

One of the most heartbreaking things a narcissist might do when they can no longer use you is resort to emotional blackmail.

They might beg, plead, or make drastic statements like “I can’t live without you”. They’re trying to tug at your heartstrings, to make you feel responsible for their emotional wellbeing.

It’s a deeply unfair tactic, especially when you’ve already been through so much.

But remember, you’re not responsible for their emotions or actions. You have a right to prioritize your own wellbeing and peace of mind. It’s okay to step away.

Related: 9 stories from the Bible that teach us the power of forgiveness

7) They give you the silent treatment

This is something I’ve experienced firsthand. When I distanced myself from a narcissistic individual in my life, I was met with a cold, deafening silence.

Where once there were constant messages and calls, suddenly there was nothing. It was as if I ceased to exist in their world. This silent treatment was their way of punishing me for breaking free.

It was a tough period, filled with self-doubt and confusion.

But over time, I realized it was just another manipulation tactic. It wasn’t about me, it was about their loss of control. Understanding this helped me move forward.

8) They project their behavior onto you

Narcissists excel at throwing their own shade onto others, especially when they’re feeling the heat.

You draw the line and assert your boundaries against their manipulation? Boom! Suddenly, you’re the manipulative one in their eyes.

It’s a classic diversion tactic—to shift focus from their own antics and put you on the hot seat.

But here’s the scoop: standing up for yourself doesn’t make you guilty of their bogus accusations. It’s just another ploy in their quest for control.

9) They don’t respect your boundaries

When wrestling with a narcissist, never forget: they give zero care about your boundaries.

You’ve laid it out plain and simple: you’re done with their toxicity.

But do they take the hint? You wish. They’ll hound you with calls or pop up unannounced, all in a bid to claw back control.

But here’s the deal: stand your ground. Hold tight to your boundaries. You’ve got every damn right to boot out toxic vibes from your life. Don’t ever doubt that.

Final thoughts: It’s about self-care

Navigating a relationship with a narcissist demands a crucial mindset shift: their behavior isn’t a mirror reflecting your worth, but a spotlight on their insecurities and thirst for control.

Your life isn’t a chessboard—it’s about nurturing your own emotional health and self-respect. Stepping away from their influence isn’t just an act of self-care; it’s reclaiming your narrative and prioritizing your mental well-being.

Sure, the journey won’t be smooth sailing.

But with each step, you’re forging healthier relationships and a stronger sense of self. That’s a path worth treading.