9 things a narcissist does when they realize you see through them

Eliza Hartley by Eliza Hartley | July 23, 2024, 9:34 am

There’s a big gap between understanding a narcissist and seeing right through them.

The difference is all about recognition. When you can see through a narcissist, you’re no longer falling for their manipulative tactics – you’re aware of their game.

When a narcissist realizes this, they don’t just pack up and leave. They switch up their strategies, often in ways that can be quite surprising.

Navigating these changes can be tricky, but don’t worry, I’ve got your back. In this article, I’ll guide you through nine typical things a narcissist does when they understand you’re onto them.

So buckle up and prepare for an insightful journey into the mind of a narcissist – knowledge is power, after all.

1) They up their charm offensive

Narcissists are notorious for their charm – it’s often what reels you in initially.

But when a narcissist realizes you’re onto them, they don’t just let go. They turn on the charm, and they turn it up a notch.

Suddenly, they’ll be extra attentive, complimenting you more often, and maybe even showering you with gifts or promises. It’s like they’ve suddenly become the perfect partner or friend.

It’s all a carefully crafted facade, though. They’re trying to make you second-guess yourself, to make you think maybe you were wrong about them.

2) They play the victim card

Ah, the victim card – a classic move in a narcissist’s playbook.

I remember when I first saw through a narcissistic friend of mine. The moment I started asserting my boundaries and stopped feeding into their ego, their tune quickly changed.

They started telling me about all the hardships they were facing, how they were struggling with personal issues, and how they felt so alone. It was as if they were trying to guilt me into feeling sorry for them.

It was a tough situation, I won’t lie. As a naturally empathetic person, I wanted to be there for them. But I also knew that this was just another ploy to regain control.

3) They resort to gaslighting

This is another tactic narcissists tend to use when they realize you’re onto them.

They’ll deny things they’ve said or done, question your memory, or make you doubt your perception of reality. It’s a covert form of manipulation aimed at making you question yourself and your sanity.

The motive? If they can make you doubt yourself, they can regain the control and power they feel slipping away.

4) They unleash the blame game

When a narcissist realizes you’re onto their games, they often go on the defensive. And one of their favorite defense mechanisms is to shift the blame onto you.

Suddenly, everything that’s wrong in their life or the relationship is your fault. They’ll accuse you of being overly sensitive, of misunderstanding them, or even of being the manipulative one.

This is an attempt to throw you off balance and make you feel guilty for calling out their behavior. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to make you second-guess your observations and judgments.

5) They engage in smear campaigns

Narcissists are image-conscious. They care deeply about how others perceive them. When they sense you’re onto them, they may try to control the narrative by spreading misinformation or outright lies about you to others.

This is known as a smear campaign. It’s a pre-emptive strike to tarnish your reputation and credibility. The goal is to isolate you and make it harder for you to find support.

Staying calm, composed, and sticking to the truth is your best defense against a smear campaign. Those who truly matter will see through the lies and stand by your side.

6) They use love bombing

Narcissists are experts at love bombing – flooding you with affection, compliments, and grand gestures. This often happens at the start of a relationship, but it can also resurface when they realize you’re onto them.

Suddenly, they’re back to being the person you first fell for. They’re attentive, loving, and seemingly remorseful for their past behavior. It’s enough to make you question if you were wrong about them.

But this sudden change of heart is rarely genuine. It’s a calculated move to pull at your heartstrings and make you doubt your judgment.

7) They threaten to leave

This is a tactic that hits close to home for me.

When I first started pulling away from a narcissistic relationship, the person in question threatened to leave me. They said they couldn’t be with someone who didn’t trust them or see their worth.

This was a tough pill to swallow. Despite everything, part of me still cared for them and the idea of them leaving stirred up a lot of fear and anxiety.

But threatening to leave is just another manipulation tactic. It’s designed to scare you into submission, to make you back down and give them the control they crave.

8) They deny their narcissistic behavior

Denial is another common tactic used by narcissists when they realize you’re onto them. They’ll dismiss your accusations, often with a laugh or a wave of the hand, as if the idea of them being a narcissist is absurd.

They might even try to turn it around on you, accusing you of being paranoid or overly dramatic. It’s a deflection tactic designed to make you doubt your observations and feel guilty for calling them out.

9) They might never change

This is perhaps the hardest, yet most vital thing to understand when dealing with a narcissist. Despite all the tactics they might employ when they realize you’re onto them, the reality is that they might never change.

Narcissism isn’t just a set of negative behaviors – it’s a deep-seated personality disorder. And while people can change, it requires a level of self-awareness and willingness that most narcissists simply don’t possess.

In the end: It’s about self-protection

Navigating a relationship with a narcissist is complex and challenging. When they realize you see through them, their tactics can become even more convoluted and manipulative.

So, take the time to reflect on your experiences, your strength in recognizing them, and most importantly, the steps you can take towards ensuring your emotional safety.

Remember this: You are not the problem. Their actions are not a reflection of your worth, but of their own insecurities and deep-seated issues.