10 things a manipulator will do when you finally stick up for yourself

Isabella Chase by Isabella Chase | June 19, 2024, 12:39 pm

Standing up for yourself can feel daunting, especially against a manipulator. They’re skilled at twisting situations to their advantage, often hurting others in the process.

However, there’s a change when you gather the courage to stand your ground. The manipulator’s tactics lose their power, revealing their true nature.

In this article, we’ll delve into the 10 things a manipulator might do when you assert yourself. It won’t be easy, but understanding their tactics can empower you to stay firm.

1) They play the victim

One of the first things a manipulator will do when you start to assert yourself is to flip the script and play the victim.

Suddenly, they’re not the bad guy – you are. They might accuse you of being mean, aggressive, or unreasonable.

This is a classic manipulation tactic designed to make you feel guilty and second-guess your decision to stand up for yourself.

But don’t fall for it. Stick to your guns and remember that setting boundaries and expecting respect isn’t wrong—it’s healthy.

2) They resort to personal attacks

When a manipulator feels threatened, they often resort to personal attacks. I’ve experienced this firsthand.

I had a friend who was always trying to assert control over our friendship. When I finally decided to stick up for myself, she didn’t handle it too well. Instead of addressing the issues at hand, she launched into personal attacks, bringing up past mistakes and insecurities to throw me off balance.

It was hurtful and shocking, but it was also enlightening. It showed me that she wasn’t interested in having a fair discussion or working on the problems in our relationship. She was more concerned with maintaining control.

Let it sink in: if someone resorts to personal attacks when you stand up for yourself, it’s a reflection of their character, not yours.  

3) They try to make you doubt your memories

This tactic is called gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation aimed at making you doubt your reality. The manipulator might deny events or distort past occurrences to shake your confidence in your own memory.

The term “gaslighting” originates from a 1944 film titled ‘Gaslight’, where a husband psychologically manipulates his wife into doubting her sanity. Despite its cinematic origin, gaslighting is unfortunately quite common.

If you find someone consistently making you question your recollection or perception of events, tread carefully. It’s a potent manipulation technique that can profoundly affect your self-esteem and mental well-being.

4) They switch between hot and cold

One moment they’re angry and hostile, the next they’re sweet and loving.

Manipulators use this tactic to keep you on your toes and create an atmosphere of instability. This constant unpredictability can leave you feeling anxious and uncertain, making it easier for them to control you.

When you start to stand up for yourself, the manipulator might ramp up this hot-and-cold behavior in an attempt to regain control.

Don’t let it confuse or deter you. Recognize it as a manipulation tactic, and stay firm in your decision to assert yourself.

5) They use your fears against you

Manipulators? Oh, they’re masters at pinpointing your vulnerabilities and fears. Once they’ve got them nailed down, they’ll wield them like weapons to keep you in check.

Scared of flying solo? They’ll dangle the threat of walking away. Feeling shaky about your skills? They’ll downplay your achievements.

And when you push back, they’ll amp up the pressure, using your fears as ammo to keep you under their thumb. That’s when it’s crucial to remember your own value and not let them use your vulnerabilities against you.

6) They attempt to isolate you

Feeling alone while standing up for yourself is tough, and manipulators often try to isolate you from your support system.

They might spread rumors, create conflicts, or guilt-trip you into avoiding friends and family. Their goal is to make you more dependent on them.

If you feel isolated, reach out. Talk to those who care about you. You’re not alone, and there are people who want to support you.

Standing up to manipulation is challenging, but with a strong support system, victory is possible.

7) They make you feel guilty for your decisions

I once made the tough choice to distance myself from a manipulative friend. 

When she noticed I was pulling away, she laid on the guilt trip, accusing me of abandonment and being a bad friend. It was tough, but I had to remind myself that prioritizing my mental health wasn’t something to feel guilty about.

Keep in mind: it’s okay to walk away from toxic relationships and to say no. Guilt is just another tactic in a toxic person’s arsenal, so don’t let them wield it against you.

8) They seem to change for the better

Just when you’re on the verge of cutting ties, the manipulator might suddenly show a change of heart, being kind and considerate, everything you hoped for. 

But beware. This sudden shift could be a “hoovering” tactic, akin to the Hoover vacuum, designed to pull you back into the relationship. Their change may not be genuine but merely a ploy to regain control.

While people can change, it takes time and consistent effort. So, if you witness a sudden, dramatic shift in a manipulator’s behavior when you assert yourself, proceed cautiously. It could be another manipulation tactic in disguise.

9) They threaten to harm themselves

This is one of the most serious and concerning tactics a manipulator can pull.

When you stand up for yourself, they might resort to threatening self-harm or suicide. It’s a drastic move aimed at making you feel responsible for their well-being, triggering guilt and fear to make you back down.

If someone threatens self-harm, you’d better take it seriously. Get in touch with a mental health professional or someone who can step in. Trust me, you’re not equipped to handle this alone, and it’s not your job to save them.

Stand your ground, but also ensure they get the right help from the right people.

10) They may eventually leave

When a manipulator exhausts all their tactics and can no longer control you, they might opt to depart. 

While it can be painful, particularly if you’re close to them, remember it signifies your strength and resilience. 

By asserting yourself, you’ve stripped them of power, showcasing your courage and paving the way for healthier relationships. 

It’s not an easy path, but by standing firm, you demonstrate self-worth and demand respect and fairness, something to take pride in.

Empower your voice: Break free from manipulation

Navigating a manipulator’s tactics is like finding your way through a maze —confusing, draining, and often feels like you’re going in circles. But with each assertive move, you’re getting closer to breaking free.

Keep in mind, manipulation isn’t about you. It’s about the manipulator’s thirst for control. Your value isn’t defined by their actions. 

Whether it’s a friend, family, or partner, nobody has the right to manipulate you. Resisting manipulation isn’t simple, but it showcases your inner strength.