The power of ‘I understand’: how empathy can defuse even the most awkward chats

Graeme Richards by Graeme Richards | February 29, 2024, 10:49 am

Navigating tricky conversations can feel like walking on eggshells. It’s a delicate dance where one wrong move can potentially amplify the awkwardness.

But, what if there was a way to ease the tension? A simple phrase that has the potential to completely transform the dynamic of your conversation?

Well, there is. It’s “I understand”.

Saying “I understand” doesn’t just show that you’re listening, it shows empathy. By putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, you can defuse tension and create a safe space for meaningful dialogue.

In this article titled “The power of ‘I understand’: how empathy can defuse even the most awkward chats”, we’ll delve into how this small phrase can create big changes in your conversations.

1) The power of active listening

Let’s start the conversation about empathy by discussing active listening.

Active listening is one of the most powerful tools in your communication toolbox. More than just hearing what the other person says, it involves truly understanding and reflecting their feelings back to them.

It’s here that “I understand” comes into play.

When someone shares something with you, especially during a difficult or awkward conversation, they’re often looking for validation. They want to know that their feelings are being acknowledged and respected, not necessarily solved.

By saying “I understand”, you’re doing exactly that. You’re not just hearing their words; you’re acknowledging their emotions and perspective, which can help defuse tension right away.

But remember, authenticity is key here. If you don’t genuinely understand or empathize with what they’re saying, it won’t be as effective.

So listen, and when you truly understand, let them know. It could make all the difference.

2) The power of validation

Now let’s talk about another situation where “I understand” can be a real game changer. I’ll share a personal example to illustrate this point.

A few years back, I had a disagreement with a close friend. The argument escalated quickly and the conversation became tense. We were both upset and struggling to see each other’s viewpoints.

Then I remembered the power of “I understand”. I took a deep breath, listened to her points without interruption, and when she was done, I said, “I understand”. I did my best to validate her feelings and show empathy towards her perspective.

The effect was immediate. The tension seemed to dissolve in an instant. Her defenses dropped and we were able to have a constructive conversation. We didn’t necessarily agree on everything, but we were able to understand each other’s perspective.

All because of two simple words – “I understand”. It’s not about agreeing or disagreeing, it’s about showing empathy and understanding towards someone else’s feelings and point of view.

3) The power of diffusing conflict

“I understand” isn’t just a tool for personal conversations; it’s a powerful phrase in conflict resolution as well.

In a study conducted by the Harvard Negotiation Project, it was found that negotiators who displayed empathy and used phrases like “I understand” or “I see where you’re coming from”, were far more successful in reaching an agreement.

When the focus shifted from arguing to understanding, it created an environment of collaboration rather than confrontation. This simple shift in communication style helped to de-escalate the situation and diffuse potential conflicts.

So, the next time you find yourself in a tense situation or a disagreement, remember the power of “I understand”. It might just help you reach a resolution faster than you think.

4) The power of building trust

Trust is a crucial factor in any relationship, whether it’s personal or professional. And one of the most effective ways to build trust is by showing empathy through understanding.

When you say “I understand” and mean it, you’re showing the other person that you value their thoughts and emotions. This validation helps to establish a sense of trust and respect between you and the other person.

After all, who wouldn’t want to engage in a conversation or maintain a relationship with someone who respects their perspective and validates their feelings?

So, the next time you’re dealing with a tricky conversation, remember that “I understand” isn’t just a phrase; it’s a bridge that helps you connect with others on a deeper level, building trust and rapport.

5) The power of fostering connection

“I understand” isn’t just a phrase; it’s a doorway to deeper connection.

Human beings are social creatures. We thrive on connection and understanding. When someone feels understood, they feel seen, heard, and valued. And this fosters a powerful sense of connection.

Think about it. How do you feel when someone genuinely understands your point of view or feelings? It feels validating, doesn’t it? It fosters a feeling of camaraderie and closeness.

In an awkward or difficult conversation, “I understand” can turn the tide from discomfort and disconnect to understanding and connection.

So don’t underestimate the power of these two words. They have the potential to transform your relationships and conversations for the better.

6) The power of emotional support

At some point in our lives, we all face challenging times and tough conversations. During these moments, what we often need most is someone who understands. Someone who can stand with us in our pain or confusion, and offer a comforting presence.

“I understand” can be that balm for the soul.

When you say “I understand”, you’re offering more than just words. You’re offering emotional support. You’re telling the other person that they are not alone in their struggle, that their feelings are valid, and that you are there for them.

This can be incredibly comforting and healing. It can turn an awkward or difficult conversation into an opportunity for emotional connection and support.

So, remember the power of “I understand”. It’s more than a phrase – it’s a lifeline that you can offer to someone in need.

7) The power of self-reflection

A few years ago, I found myself in a heated argument with a family member. The conversation was spiraling, and I felt misunderstood and frustrated. But then, in the midst of the chaos, I decided to try a different approach.

Instead of continuing to argue my point, I paused, took a deep breath, and said “I understand”. I put myself in their shoes and tried to see the situation from their perspective. This not only helped to deescalate the argument but also led me to a moment of self-reflection.

I realized that sometimes, “I understand” isn’t just for the other person. It’s for us as well. It’s an opportunity to step back, reflect on the situation objectively, and learn something about ourselves.

Saying “I understand” can help us grow as individuals, improve our relationships, and navigate difficult conversations more effectively. And that’s a power worth harnessing.

8) The power of a safe space

“I understand” does more than just show empathy; it creates a safe space for open and honest communication.

When you validate someone’s feelings, you’re indirectly telling them that it’s okay to feel the way they do. This can help them feel comfortable sharing more, which can lead to deeper and more meaningful conversations.

This is especially important during difficult or awkward chats. In such instances, creating a safe space can encourage openness, foster mutual understanding, and make the conversation much less daunting.

So remember, saying “I understand” isn’t just about defusing tension. It’s about creating an environment where everyone feels heard, understood, and safe to express themselves.

9) The power of empathy

At its core, “I understand” is an expression of empathy. It’s about seeing the world through someone else’s eyes and acknowledging their feelings without judgment.

Empathy is a powerful tool. It can transform relationships, diffuse conflict, and foster deeper connection.

And the best part? Empathy can be cultivated.

Every time you say “I understand”, you’re practicing empathy. You’re strengthening your ability to connect with others on a deeper level.

So, the next time you find yourself in a difficult or awkward conversation, remember the power of “I understand”. It might just be the most important thing you say.

Final thoughts: The power of empathy

In essence, understanding and empathy are deeply connected to our most human qualities. They are at the core of our relationships, our interactions, and the way we perceive the world around us.

“I understand” mirrors the power of empathy like no other phrase. It’s not just about hearing the words that are spoken, but also about understanding the emotions that lie beneath them.

The American novelist Harper Lee once said, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”

These words resonate profoundly when we consider the power of “I understand”. Because when we say it, we are not just acknowledging someone’s words or actions; we’re acknowledging their experiences, their emotions, their humanity.

So, as you navigate your future interactions, remember the potency of “I understand”. It can defuse tension, build trust, foster connection, offer emotional support and create a safe space for honest communication.

And in doing so, it reminds us all of our shared human experience. After all, isn’t that what true understanding is all about?