The best way to deal with a narcissist is to cut them out of your life. These kinda people are toxic, and having them around will drain you.

But I know doing this is sometimes impossible.

The narcissist might be your mom, someone you work with, or your best friend’s partner.

It’s easy to say you should let them go, change jobs, or just not hang out with them, but real life doesn’t always work that way.

So, if you have no choice but to deal with the narcissist, playing their own game could help you find some peace.

And this is how:

1) Be as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible. 

Also known as the ‘Gray Rock Method,’ being as dull as a doorknob is one of the best ways to subtly manipulate a narcissist. 

When you’re uninteresting, you take away their fuel…

You see, narcissists thrive on attention and admiration. They need to be the center of everyone’s universe. 

So, when you refuse to feed into that need, it drives them crazy. 

For this to work, you’ll have to not engage in their dramatic stories or over-the-top antics. 

Respond with short, neutral replies and avoid giving them an emotional reaction at all costs, whether positive or negative. 

When they brag about something, nod and say, “That’s cool,” without enthusiasm. This lack of validation is like kryptonite to their ego. 

Another reason this psychological-backed method works is because narcissists are experts at reading people and manipulating emotions to get what they want. 

If you’re boring and unresponsive, they can’t find any hooks to latch onto. 

They’ll feel powerless and frustrated, making them question their hold over you and everyone else around them. 

And while you’re busy being boring, you should also…

2) Be as mysterious as possible. 

Keep details and plans vague – nothing frustrates a narcissist more!

Why?

It’s simple:

Narcissists also thrive on control. So, when you withhold specific information, it keeps them off balance. 

If you’re their target (and you know what, even if you aren’t!), you shouldn’t overshare details about your life. 

Keep conversations on neutral topics or, better yet, on them. When they ask personal questions, give vague answers or deflect with a question of your own. 

If they poke further, just smile and change the subject. 

This aligns with the psychological concept of unpredictability, which can reduce a narcissist’s ability to manipulate.

By keeping your life private, you create mystery. 

The narcissist won’t feel powerful because they won’t have you all figured out. 

Mysteriousness will keep them on edge, and their insatiable curiosity will only increase their frustration. 

Not having all the info will leave them guessing. And this constant guessing game can make them feel uneasy and insecure. 

The best part?

They’ll be too busy trying to figure you out to realize that they’re the ones being played!

3) Give calculated compliments.

Another clever method you can use to subtly manipulate a narcissist is selective flattery.

As you know, narcissists have an inflated sense of self and crave praise and admiration. 

And they’re typically used to being complimented on the traits they flaunt. 

That’s why a calculated compliment will catch them off guard.

So, instead of saying something they’re used to hearing, focus on a specific, unexpected aspect of their personality or behavior. 

Here’s an example:

Let’s say the narcissist in question is known for always hosting the best parties. The usual ego-boosting remarks they get could be about their great culinary skills or decor choices. 

If you compliment them on their outfit or excellent communication skills at their next party instead, you’ll throw them off balance. 

This targeted compliment will also feel more genuine and rare because it relates to something they don’t usually get acknowledged for… making them crave your approval more. 

4) Set boundaries… with a smile!

Narcissists are notorious for pushing limits and testing how much they can get away with. Usually, when someone reaches that point where they’ve had enough, they become hostile and set boundaries out of defense. 

And a narcissist loves this!

They thrive on emotional reactions that they can later use as ammunition against you. If you’re not giving them any, they’ll have a harder time feeling in control. 

If you’re really dealing with a narcissist, you’ll know that boundaries are absolutely necessary to protect yourself. So, why not subtly reverse the game while you’re at it?

When a narcissist tries to overstep, calmly and with a smile, assert your boundary.

Let’s say the narcissist demands your time when you’re busy…

You might usually give in or get irritated by their disrespect – which is a win for them either way. 

But if you respond with a cheerful, “I’d love to help, but I have something else going on right now. Maybe another time,” you’ll disarm them. 

This type of response can be confusing for a narcissist. They’ll expect conflict or resistance, and you’ll give them neither. And this will make them realize that their typical weapons of intimidation or guilt-tripping won’t work.

Confidence, control, and an unbothered smile will frustrate the narcissists. While you get to keep your dignity and sanity. 

5) Pretend not to notice their manipulative tactics. 

By acting oblivious to a narcissist’s attempts to control or belittle you, you take away their power and influence. 

This subtle manipulative technique is based on the principle of non-reinforcement, where ignoring negative behaviors can lead to their reduction over time. It also reduces the narcissist’s satisfaction from their manipulative actions.

The thing is, narcissists love to feel clever and powerful, thinking they can easily manipulate anyone around them. 

They do this through guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and playing the victim…

And they feed off the confusion, hurt, or anger these tactics cause. 

So, when you pretend not to even notice their tricks, never mind falling for them, you deny them the emotional payoff they crave. 

If they make a passive-aggressive comment, simply act like you missed the hidden insult. 

If they try to twist a situation to make themselves look better, nod along without reacting emotionally. 

This non-reaction forces them to up their game, often leading to more obvious and desperate tactics that reveal their true nature. They’ll try harder to get a rise out of you, and the more you stay neutral, the more frustrated they’ll become.

Pretending not to notice their manipulative tactics puts you in the driver’s seat. It also protects your mental health by keeping you far away from their drama. 

It’s a form of self-preservation that also subtly undermines their sense of control – simple yet powerful. 

6) Be strategically incompetent. 

Narcissists like nothing more than feeling needed. Knowing they’re more competent also gives them an opportunity to highlight someone else’s mistakes or shortcomings, making them look better. 

That’s why strategic incompetence is such a clever tactic to subtly manipulate a narcissist. 

By pretending to be less competent or knowledgeable than you are, you can make them feel needed and superior while controlling the situation behind the scenes. 

Choose tasks or situations where your “incompetence” will be most noticeable.

If a narcissist loves to micromanage, pretend to struggle with something trivial that they enjoy controlling. 

And if they help you, accept with a smile and genuine-seeming appreciation. 

You’ll force the narcissist to invest time and energy into managing you, which can be exhausting and distracting for them. Over time, this will drain their resources and also shift their focus away from their usual manipulative tactics. 

This strategy gives you subtle control. By choosing where and how to be incompetent, you dictate the terms of your interactions. 

Plus, it can be oddly satisfying to watch a narcissist get tangled in their own need for control and superiority.

7) Leverage their competitiveness. 

Another brilliant psychological trick you can use to manipulate a narcissist is to play into their desire to always be the best. 

Narcissists are competitive, so if you frame something you need as a goal or competition, they’ll likely pour all their energy into winning. 

You see, when you introduce a competitive element, it taps directly into a narcissist’s core motivation, and they become consumed with the idea of winning or being seen as a hotshot. 

And by tapping into this trait, you can guide their behavior and actions in ways that benefit you or keep them distracted. 

When a narcissist is focused on winning, they also spend less time looking for attention and validation, giving you a little break from their manipulative strategies.

So, you’ll have someone who gets the job done while thinking they’re on the winning end, aka manipulation.

Now, again, cutting all ties with a narcissist is truly the best way to go. 

But if you have no choice but to see and interact with them, being a little manipulative can help you feel less exhausted around them.