I used to think love was a little like sharing your favorite dessert—you give a little, take a little, and somewhere in the middle, there’s this unspoken balance.

But there’s a point where that balance can tilt, where “doing things out of love” turns into being someone’s emotional lifeline, their go-to, their fix.

Narcissists have a way of pushing that line until you’re not even sure where it started.

So if you’re wondering if you’re the one in control or just along for the ride, here are nine signs that might help you see things a little clearer.

After all, love shouldn’t leave you feeling used.

1) An uncanny knack for guilt-tripping

There’s something unsettling about the way a narcissist can make you feel guilty, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

Psychologists have observed this as a common tactic in narcissistic relationships.

Narcissists tend to be experts at shifting blame and making their partners feel responsible for things they have no control over.

Picture this – your partner makes a mistake and instead of owning up, they somehow twist the narrative, making it seem like it was your fault.

They’re so good at it, you might even start to believe them.

Their goal is to maintain control. By making you feel guilty, they keep you off balance and easier to manipulate.

2) They play the victim card

Personally, I remember being in a relationship where my partner would always paint themselves as the victim.

It was like they had an uncanny ability to turn any situation into one where they were the aggrieved party.

For instance, we once had plans for a weekend getaway. My boss dropped a last-minute project on my desk and I had no choice but to cancel our trip.

Instead of understanding, my partner made it all about them, about how they were always the one being let down and how I didn’t value their feelings.

Psychologists call this tactic ‘playing the victim card‘.

Narcissists use it to draw sympathy and to divert attention away from their own problematic behavior.

It’s a subtle form of manipulation designed to keep you on your toes and feeling like you’re always in the wrong.

3) They’re always the hero in their stories

Have you ever noticed that in every tale a narcissistic partner recounts, they’re always the hero?

It’s as if every story is carefully curated to cast them in the best light possible.

This isn’t by accident. According to psychology, narcissists have a deep-seated need for admiration and validation.

They inherently believe they are superior and crave recognition for it.

In their minds, they’re not just participants in life’s events, but the saviors, the ones who save the day.

This way, they subtly feed their self-importance and also manipulate your perception of them.

So, if your partner’s tales always seem to present them as the knight in shining armor, it might be time to question whether these stories hold any truth or if they’re just another tool of manipulation.

4) They monopolize your time

Time is a precious commodity. But in a relationship with a narcissist, you might find that your time isn’t really your own anymore.

Narcissists have a tendency to monopolize their partners’ time.

They demand your attention constantly, leaving little room for you to focus on your own needs, hobbies, or friends.

It’s a subtle form of control. By keeping you busy attending to their needs, they make it harder for you to maintain your own identity outside the relationship.

It might be disguised as love and attention at first, but it’s important to recognize when it crosses the line into manipulation.

5) They downplay your achievements

Have you ever shared an accomplishment with your partner, only to have them dismiss it or belittle it?

This is a common tactic used by narcissists to keep their partners feeling inferior.

Narcissists thrive on being the center of attention, and they can feel threatened when their partner shines too brightly.

So, they try to dim your light by downplaying your achievements, making you feel like they’re not as significant as you think.

It’s a subtle form of manipulation that can chip away at your self-esteem over time.

If your partner can’t celebrate your successes with you, it might be a sign that they’re more invested in keeping you down than lifting you up.

6) They never apologize

Saying “I’m sorry” can be one of the hardest things to do.

It requires humility, empathy, and the willingness to admit that we were wrong.

But in a relationship with a narcissist, you might find that these two words are noticeably absent.

Narcissists have a hard time admitting fault because it challenges their inflated sense of self-worth.

They might twist the situation, blame others, or even make you feel like you’re overreacting, but they rarely apologize sincerely.

This leaves you feeling unheard and invalidated, which can be deeply hurtful.

Apologies are an important part of any relationship. They show that we value our partner’s feelings over our pride.

So if genuine apologies are missing in your relationship, it’s a sign that something might be off.

7) They make you doubt your own sanity

I remember a time when I found myself questioning my own reality.

Every disagreement with my partner ended with me feeling like I was losing my mind.

This is known as gaslighting, a psychological manipulation tactic commonly used by narcissists.

The goal is to make you question your own memory, perception, or sanity, thereby making you more susceptible to their control.

In my case, every time I brought up an issue, my partner would twist the facts, deny things happened, or accuse me of overreacting. It left me feeling confused and doubting my own experiences.

Gaslighting is insidious and can be incredibly damaging.

If you find yourself constantly questioning your reality in your relationship, it might be a sign of this manipulative tactic.

8) They dismiss your feelings

In a healthy relationship, both partners’ feelings are acknowledged and validated.

But with a narcissistic partner, you might find that your feelings are often dismissed or minimized.

Narcissists have a tendency to brush off their partners’ feelings, making them feel like they’re overreacting or being too sensitive.

This is a form of emotional manipulation that can make you feel unheard and unimportant.

It’s a way for them to maintain control and keep the focus on themselves. If you feel like your feelings are constantly being dismissed in your relationship, it might be a sign of narcissistic manipulation.

9) They isolate you from your support network

One of the most insidious tactics a narcissist can use is to isolate you from your friends and family.

They might subtly discourage you from spending time with others, or create drama that leads to rifts in your relationships.

By cutting you off from your support network, they make you more dependent on them for emotional support.

This gives them more control and makes it harder for you to leave the relationship.

Isolation can be incredibly damaging and is often a major red flag of emotional abuse. If you’re feeling isolated in your relationship, it’s crucial to reach out to someone you trust and seek help.

Final thoughts

Reclaiming yourself after a relationship like this can feel like piecing together a puzzle where half the pieces went missing.

I’ve come to see that finally recognizing your worth, seeing what you deserve, and not settling for less, stops manipulation for good.

A quote comes to my mind: “Narcissists aren’t broken people; they’re people who choose behaviors that hurt.”

With that in mind, you can make the choice to step away from being someone’s “fix” and step into a life where you call the shots.

So here’s to boundaries, self-respect, and finding the kind of love that doesn’t require a survival guide.