Have you ever walked into a room and felt like all eyes were on you, but not in the way you’d hoped?

Maybe you’ve noticed people treating you differently, or you’ve struggled to make the impression you want.

The truth is, confidence is less about what you say and more about what you do — often without even realizing it.

In fact, there are subtle things you might be doing that could be giving off signs of insecurity, even if deep down, you’re trying to project the opposite.

In this article, we’ll uncover 9 subtle behaviors that might be undermining your confidence and holding you back from being the self-assured person you know you can be.

1) Over-apologizing

There’s nothing wrong with saying sorry when it’s warranted.

But has it ever occurred to you that you might be apologizing too much?

Apologizing for every little thing, even when it’s not necessary, can make you come across as insecure.

It might seem like you’re always seeking approval or forgiveness.

This habit can be a tricky one to spot, as it often stems from a desire to be polite or avoid conflict.

However, over-apologizing can send a signal that you lack confidence in your actions and decisions.

Next time you’re about to say sorry, pause for a moment.

Ask yourself if an apology is really needed or if you’re just trying to ease tension or avoid possible criticism.

2) Avoiding eye contact

I remember a time when I was presenting a project to my team at work.

Midway through, I realized I was not maintaining eye contact with my colleagues.

I was looking at the slides, the floor, anywhere but into their eyes.

Maintaining eye contact can be a little uncomfortable, especially when you’re nervous.

But avoiding it altogether can send a signal that you’re not confident or secure in what you’re saying.

Eye contact is a powerful form of non-verbal communication. It shows that you’re engaged, confident, and sincere.

When you avoid it, it could be perceived that you’re insecure, unsure, or even untrustworthy.

3) Negative self-talk

The way you talk about yourself can greatly influence the way others perceive you. And it’s not just about what you say out loud.

Even your internal monologue can affect your confidence levels and body language.

Studies have shown that negative self-talk can lead to increased stress and decreased motivation, making you appear more insecure to those around you.

It’s a vicious cycle – the more you indulge in self-deprecating thoughts, the more insecure you feel, and the more insecure you appear.

If you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, stop and reframe your thoughts into something more positive.

This small change can have a big impact on how secure and confident you come across to others.

4) Over-explaining

Do you find yourself always offering detailed explanations for your actions or decisions, even when not asked for them? 

Over-explaining can suggest that you’re seeking validation or trying to justify your choices.

It might feel like you’re simply being thorough or transparent, but it can actually portray a lack of confidence in your decisions.

Instead of launching into a lengthy explanation, try stating your thoughts clearly and concisely.

It’s okay to leave some things unsaid.

Trust in the validity of your decisions and actions, and let them speak for themselves.

5) Constantly seeking reassurance

Asking for feedback is a good habit, but constantly seeking reassurance can make you look insecure.

If you’re always asking questions like “Are you sure it’s okay?” or “Did I do that right?”, it might seem like you lack confidence in your abilities.

It can give the impression that you’re unsure of yourself and need others to validate your actions.

Try to trust your instincts more. Make decisions and take actions based on your judgment.

It’s perfectly fine to make mistakes; they’re opportunities for learning and growth. 

6) Downplaying your achievements

Have you ever caught yourself minimizing your accomplishments? Saying things like “Oh, it was nothing” or “I just got lucky”?

While modesty can be an admirable trait, consistently downplaying your achievements can make you appear insecure.

Each achievement, big or small, is a testament to your abilities and hard work.

When you downplay them, you’re not only underestimating your worth but also giving others the impression that you lack self-confidence.

Instead of brushing off compliments or achievements, stand tall and accept them graciously.

It’s okay to be proud of your accomplishments.

They’re a part of your journey and they deserve to be acknowledged. 

7) Fear of saying ‘no’

There was a time when I found it incredibly hard to say ‘no’.

Whether it was taking on extra work or attending social events I wasn’t interested in, I often found myself agreeing to things just to avoid disappointing others.

The fear of saying ‘no’ can make you appear insecure.

It suggests you’re more concerned about pleasing others than prioritizing your own needs and boundaries.

Learning to say ‘no’ can be empowering.

It shows that you value your time and energy, and sets a clear boundary between what you’re willing to do and what you’re not.

8) Excessive nervous habits

Nervous habits like fidgeting, nail-biting, or constantly adjusting your clothes can be subtle signs of insecurity.

They’re often unconscious responses to stress or discomfort, but to others, they can make you appear anxious or unsure.

These habits can be hard to break, especially since we often don’t realize we’re doing them.

But becoming aware of your nervous habits is the first step towards managing them.

9) Hiding your true self

The most subtle yet profound sign of insecurity is hiding your true self.

Pretending to be someone you’re not, or suppressing your thoughts and emotions, can make you seem insecure and unconfident.

Embrace who you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses.

Authenticity is attractive. It shows that you’re comfortable in your own skin and confident in your identity.

Final thoughts: Embrace your confidence