We all want our relationships to be happy and healthy.

But what happens if you find yourself in a relationship with a man who doesn’t appreciate his own value?

This can be such a difficult situation to deal with. You wish he’d see himself as you do because you certainly see his worth.

But he doesn’t, and this is one of the biggest drivers of his behavior.

Men who don’t value themselves tend to have low self-esteem and lack confidence. This affects just about everything they do and how they treat you and themselves, too.

Does this describe the situation you currently find yourself in?

If you’re not sure, you can look for signs that your man is down on himself.

Here are nine subtle things men do in relationships when they have low self-worth and don’t value themselves as they should.

1) They can be negative.

When a man has low self-worth, it means that he doesn’t think he is a good and valuable person.

He looks down on himself constantly, and because this is what he’s doing internally, he’ll start doing it externally as well. 

It may be subtle at first, but over time, you might see his negativity grow.

He’ll likely complain and be generally pessimistic in his outlook. He may start to become very critical, not only of himself and the world around him but of you, too.

Essentially, this is the external projection of an interior unhappiness that he’s stewing in.

So how do men like this change and start to see that the world isn’t as nasty and horrible as they think?

The root of the problem is his low self-worth. By helping him to build this back up and focusing on his successes and positive characteristics, he might be able to change his negative outlook into a positive one.

2) They get jealous.

Men who think they’re not worth much are stuck in viewing themselves this way.

Even though they might have partners, friends, and family who love and value them, they struggle to get past the negative opinions they hold of themselves.

Of course, they think others see them in the same way – worthless.

No matter how much people tell them they do have value, their self-worth is based on what’s inside.

So it’s no wonder that they end up being jealous.

Imagine a man who thinks he’s untalented, unskilled, unimportant, and just about every other negative adjective you could throw at him.

Now imagine his partner has contact with other men like friends and colleagues. He’s always going to negatively compare himself to those men and feel insecure.

That insecurity will then get played out in his jealousy.

If the partner is ever late coming home or uncontactable for even a short time, he may accuse them of cheating or at least being attracted to one of these men whom he feels threatened by.

It takes his partner a lot of hard work to reassure him, but without improving his self-worth, this unfortunate pattern is destined to continue.

3) They externalize blame.

Something that’s quite unexpected about men with low self-worth is that they very often externalize blame.

When they have problems and are unhappy, they can project the causes outside of themselves, even if they are normally rooted in how they feel inside.

This might seem contradictory. 

If a man feels he’s not worth much and is a bad, valueless person, you might expect him to blame himself for everything. After all, if he thinks he’s useless and inept, why doesn’t he just blame himself when things are going wrong?

Well, one aspect of having low self-worth and self-esteem is that men feel powerless. They don’t feel like they’re in control of their lives and that they can effect change on the world in any real way.

So because they’re powerless, when things go wrong, they’re able to push the blame outside. And it normally falls anywhere at all.

Men who have high self-esteem, on the other hand, feel powerful and, at the same time, have the confidence to accept blame when they deserve it.

So, while it might not be incredibly obvious, men with low self-worth will blame external factors and often their partners for things they should really be accountable for.

4) They struggle with decisions.

You might not notice at first, but when men don’t think highly of themselves, they also don’t have a lot of faith in their ability to make good choices.

They just don’t trust their own judgment and that can make them really struggle when they have to make decisions.

So, what behavior might you see?

Continuous waffling. Long, drawn-out decision-making processes. Total avoidance of decisions.

One of the most subtle signs is that they’ll fob decisions off on their partners consistently.

This might feel great at first. The partners may feel respected and empowered. But eventually, they can start to feel overwhelmed and unsupported.

5) They demean themselves.

There’s a big difference between humility and self-deprecation.

A man who feels confident and has high self-esteem will have a very accurate picture of his own strengths and weaknesses. When he gets compliments, he may humbly receive them and even try to limit praise to what he feels is appropriate.

The subtle difference you’ll see in men with low self-worth is that they’ll take this a step further.

They’ll often deflect praise and use self-deprecating humor, jokes at their own expense, to bring other people’s estimations of them to the same low level they have for themselves.

While they often crave praise, they usually don’t deal with it gracefully once they get it.

6) They’re easily influenced.

If you don’t think you have much to offer, that you’re an intelligent, useful person, what are the chances you’d let other people steer your life for you?

The answer is – very high.

Men with low self-worth tend to be very easily influenced, and that’s often a very difficult thing to deal with if you’re in a relationship with one.

He’ll be constantly pulled this way and that by friends and even relative strangers rather than being captain of his own ship.

This influence can be over his actions and his ideas, and because it can come from all sides, it can make his behavior inconsistent and unpredictable.

7) They act lucky.

If a man doesn’t think highly of himself, he’s very likely going to think that no one will want to be in a relationship with him.

He’ll think everyone else sees him as he sees himself.

So when he does find a person to couple up with, he may feel like he has hit the lottery.

But this can be really frustrating for his partner.

While on the one hand, he may be full of praise and admiration, he may also be constantly doubting the authenticity of your feelings. He may also feel very insecure at all times – someone like you wouldn’t stay with someone like him very long, right?

8) They have addictive tendencies.

Men who have low self-worth are hurting.

When they look inside themselves, they see lots to criticize and little to love. Many fear any kind of introspection at all since looking into themselves fills them with terrible unhappiness.

Some will do anything it takes to avoid this.

For this reason, many of these men engage in addictive behaviors. 

But these behaviors may not be as excessive and obvious as things like alcohol and drug abuse.

They could turn to video games, collections, sports, or any other activities that they can focus on and do obsessively. That creates enough noise to drown out the sound of their internal issues and becomes a place for men to hide from their feelings.

9) They don’t like to talk about feelings.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that if you’re reading this, you’re at least somewhat interested in self-improvement.

You may be trying to work on yourself while also being in a relationship with a man who seems to have low self-worth. And because of that interest, you might think it’s a good idea to talk to him about his feelings and working on himself.

I suggest you tread lightly.

As I’ve mentioned above, opening up and having a look inside is something most men with low self-worth fear above all else.

They may reveal to you that they have a lot of feelings and needs, but if you try to actually talk about the subject, they can get very touchy and/or avoidant.

You might still think it’s necessary, but if you do, expect this to be a real uphill battle.

Final words

These nine subtle things men do in relationships when they have low self-worth might not be incredibly apparent at first. You have to know what to look for and see if the signs are there.

But if they start to add up, you’ll understand where all his behavior is coming from and what needs to change – his sense of self-worth.