Are you genuinely kind or just pretending to be nice?

Chances are, you might think you know. But, do you really?

Look, we all know those people who seem super nice on the surface, but something just doesn’t quite sit right. You can sense a hidden agenda, a layer of insincerity. It’s hard to put your finger on it, but it’s there.

On the other hand, we also know those individuals who radiate genuine kindness. They do things not because they want to be liked or seen, but simply because it’s in their nature. It’s effortless, unforced.

So how can we tell the difference?

Well, today we’re going to delve into the subtle things that genuinely kind people do that fake nice people don’t.

Now, I’m not saying you’re fake if you don’t do these things. But it’s always good to reflect and see if there’s room for improvement.

This might not be as easy as it seems. But let’s find out together.

Ready? Let’s dive in.

1) Kindness without agenda

Let me start with a story. 

I had a coworker once, let’s call him John. John was always smiling, always the first to offer help, and always there at every social event. But there was something that didn’t quite sit right. 

You see, John’s kindness always came with a ‘but’. Help with a task would quickly turn into a favor owed. A friendly chat would somehow always steer back to him and his achievements.

Contrast this with another coworker of mine, let’s call her Sarah. 

Sarah was also kind, but in a quieter, less obvious way. She would help without expecting anything in return. She listened more than she spoke and genuinely cared about how others were doing.

Her kindness didn’t come across as a transaction but as a genuine human connection.

Genuinely kind people, like Sarah, don’t have an agenda. They are kind because that’s who they are, not because they want something in return.

2) Consistency in all situations

Here’s another scenario for you. You’re at a restaurant with your friend and they’re lovely to you, but rude or dismissive to the waiter – is that real kindness? I don’t think so.

Real kindness is consistent. It doesn’t fluctuate based on who you’re interacting with or what you can get out of the situation.

I remember going out to lunch with my boss once. Now she’s someone I deeply respect for her work ethic and leadership skills. But what really struck me that day was how she treated everyone around her – from the CEO to the janitor, from our team to the waitress serving us – with equal respect and kindness.

Genuinely kind people treat everyone the same way: kindly. Whether it’s someone who can help them professionally or someone who can’t offer them anything in return.

3) Empathy over sympathy

It’s not just about understanding someone’s situation, but also about feeling what they’re feeling. This is what empathy is, standing in another person’s shoes and seeing the world from their perspective.

Interestingly, neuroscientists have found that when we empathize, the same areas of our brain light up as if we were experiencing those feelings ourselves. So, when really kind people show empathy, they don’t just understand your pain, they feel it too.

On the other hand, fake nice people might show sympathy – they acknowledge your pain but they don’t really feel it. It’s more of an observational act than an emotional one. 

This is a subtle difference, but it can completely change the way we interact with others.

4) Listening without interruption

We’ve all been there. You’re pouring your heart out to someone, only for them to interrupt you mid-sentence, or worse, start talking about themselves. It feels dismissive, even hurtful.

Genuinely kind people know the power of listening – truly listening. They give you their full attention, making you feel heard and valued. They understand that sometimes, all we need is a listening ear, someone to share our burdens with, even if they can’t solve them for us.

In contrast, fake nice people might seem like they’re listening, but their mind is elsewhere. Or they may be waiting for their turn to speak, eager to shift the focus back onto themselves. 

Genuine listening is a rare commodity these days, but it’s one of the most powerful ways to show kindness.

5) Apologizing sincerely

I’ll admit it. Saying sorry can be tough. Especially when we feel justified in our actions. I recall a time when I had a disagreement with my sister. I was convinced I was right, and she was wrong. But when emotions cooled, I realized how harsh my words had been, how they had hurt her.

It was a humbling moment to apologize sincerely, not for being wrong, but for being unkind. And it taught me a valuable lesson about genuine kindness.

You see, genuinely kind people are not afraid to apologize. To say, “I messed up, I’m sorry.” They don’t view apologies as a sign of weakness but as an opportunity for growth, for mending relationships.

Fake nice people, on the other hand, might apologize to keep the peace or because it’s expected of them. But their apologies often lack sincerity and are devoid of any real commitment to change their behavior. 

A genuine apology requires humility, and that’s something that fake nice people often struggle with.

6) Respect for boundaries

Kindness doesn’t mean saying yes to everything. It also means respecting others’ boundaries. Genuinely kind people understand that everyone has their own limits and comfort zones. They respect these boundaries and never push someone to do something they’re uncomfortable with.

On the contrary, fake nice people often disregard boundaries to meet their own needs or objectives. They might even use guilt or manipulation to make you cross your own limits. Remember, real kindness never comes at the cost of your comfort and respect.

7) Seeing the positive

Genuinely kind people have a knack for seeing the positive in others. Even when someone makes a mistake, they are quick to offer encouragement rather than criticism. They see people’s potential and help them see it too.

Let me tell you about my high school teacher, Mrs. Jones. She had this unique ability to see the best in every student. I remember struggling with maths and feeling like a failure. But Mrs. Jones would always find something positive to say about my efforts, which motivated me to keep trying.

Fake nice people, on the other hand, often focus on negatives or flaws, either openly or subtly. They might compliment you one moment and then subtly put you down the next.

8) Being there during tough times

It’s easy to be nice when everything is going well. But the real test of kindness comes during tough times. Genuinely kind people are there for you even when things get hard. They offer support and help in any way they can.

Contrarily, fake nice people often disappear during hard times. They’re there for the good times but are nowhere to be found when you need them most.

9) Remembering the small things

Genuinely kind people often remember small details about others – like their coffee preference or their favorite book. They make an effort to remember these small things because they genuinely care.

Fake nice people, however, often forget these details or don’t bother to remember them in the first place. Their interactions are more surface-level and less personal.

Last words

In conclusion, kindness is not just about being nice. It’s about being genuine, consistent, empathetic, and respectful. 

It’s about seeing the best in others and being there for them during good times and bad. 

While it’s not always easy to tell the difference between genuinely kind people and fake nice people, these subtle signs can offer some clues. 

So next time you’re unsure, look for these signs and trust your gut. After all, actions speak louder than words.