If you’ve ever been in close proximity with a narcissist, you’re probably familiar with the unique challenges it can bring.

When a narcissist shifts into attack mode, they can exhibit subtle behaviors that might leave you feeling perplexed and uneasy.

They may manipulate, criticize, or belittle you, often without you realizing what’s happening.

Narcissism is a recognized mental health condition. It’s not a conscious decision someone makes.

However, the way narcissists act can vary greatly from person to person. So navigating a relationship with one can indeed be tricky.

By learning about these subtle signs of a narcissist in attack mode, you might be better equipped to handle these situations.

This article aims to help you understand these behaviors better, as per psychological insights.

1) Gaslighting

One of the most subtle tactics a narcissist may employ when they’re in attack mode is gaslighting.

This form of manipulation involves the narcissist making you question your own reality or sanity.

They might deny an event ever occurred, even if you have proof, or constantly change their story to create confusion.

Narcissists use gaslighting as a means to gain control and power in a relationship.

By making you doubt your own memory or perception, they’re attempting to make themselves the authority on what’s real and what isn’t.

This tactic can lead you to second-guess yourself, creating anxiety and a lack of self-confidence.

You might find yourself always seeking the narcissist’s validation because you’ve been led to believe you can’t trust your own judgement.

Learning to recognize gaslighting is the first step in countering it.

Your experiences and memories are valid and should never be invalidated or manipulated by someone else for their own gain.

2) Playing the victim

In a surprising twist, when a narcissist goes into attack mode, they may paint themselves as the victim.

This might seem odd, given that we usually associate attackers with aggression, not vulnerability.

In this scenario, the narcissist uses self-pity or portrays themselves as being wronged or misunderstood to manipulate your emotions.

This strategy serves two purposes: it diverts attention away from their negative behavior and makes you feel guilty or responsible for their perceived suffering.

You may find yourself comforting them, apologizing, or even taking the blame for situations they have created.

This feeds their need for control and validation, while making you feel like the perpetrator instead of the actual victim.

Recognizing this tactic is crucial to avoid falling into a guilt-trap.

Stand firm in your understanding of the situation and don’t allow their self-victimization to cloud your judgement or manipulate your feelings.

3) Projecting their feelings onto you

When under attack, a narcissist might start projecting their feelings onto you.

This means they attribute their own feelings, thoughts, or motives to you instead. If they are feeling insecure, they might accuse you of being insecure.

Projection is a defense mechanism that allows the narcissist to disown unpleasant feelings or behaviors.

It’s easier for them to see these negative qualities in others rather than acknowledging them in themselves.

This can leave you feeling bewildered and questioning your own character.

It’s important to remember that these accusations are not reflections of your true self, but rather a mirror of the narcissist’s inner world.

Guard your self-perception and don’t let their projections define who you are.

4) Withholding affection

Sometimes, a narcissist may resort to withholding affection or attention when they’re in attack mode.

This could look like ignoring your calls, giving you the silent treatment, or showing indifference towards your feelings.

This behavior can be deeply hurtful. It’s natural to crave affection, especially from those we care about.

When it’s withheld, it can create a sense of rejection and loneliness.

While it’s challenging to deal with this kind of behavior, please remember that the issue lies with them, not you.

Your worth is not determined by their willingness to give affection. You deserve love and respect, always.

It’s essential to surround yourself with positive influences who make you feel valued and loved for who you truly are.

5) Excessive criticism

In attack mode, a narcissist may resort to constant criticism.

They might pick apart your appearance, belittle your achievements, or criticize your thoughts and feelings.

It can feel like nothing you do is ever good enough.

Many of us have experienced this at some point, feeling as if we’re under a microscope and scrutinized for every little thing.

It’s an exhausting and demoralizing place to be.

It’s important to remember that this criticism is more about the narcissist than it is about you.

They are projecting their own insecurities and shortcomings onto you. Don’t let their negative words shape your self-image.

You are more than the criticisms they throw your way.

6) Twisting the truth

A common strategy used by narcissists in attack mode is manipulating the truth.

They might exaggerate facts, omit important details, or even fabricate stories to paint themselves in a better light or to make you look bad.

I remember dealing with a colleague who would often twist the narrative during team meetings.

If a project wasn’t going as planned, they’d subtly shift the story to make it seem like others were at fault, even when it was clear they were responsible for the setbacks.

Such distortion of reality can create a lot of confusion and mistrust.

It’s crucial to stay grounded in your own experiences and perceptions, and not let the narcissist’s twisted version of events shake your understanding of the truth.

7) Using your insecurities against you

When a narcissist is in attack mode, they may exploit your insecurities.

They might tease you about something they know you’re sensitive about or bring up past mistakes to make you feel less than.

This is a low blow, and it’s completely unfair. These are manipulative tactics meant to make you feel small and defenseless.

But here’s the thing: You are not defined by your insecurities or past mistakes.

We all have things we’re sensitive about, and we all have moments in our past we’re not proud of.

Stand tall in the face of these attacks. Don’t let them use your vulnerabilities as weapons.

You have grown and learned from your past, and your insecurities do not define your worth. You are much stronger than they want you to believe.

8) Blaming you for their behavior

The most crucial thing to remember when dealing with a narcissist in attack mode is that they may try to blame you for their actions.

They might say things like, “You made me do this,” or, “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have reacted this way.”

But here’s the truth: No one else is responsible for someone’s behavior but themselves.

You are not to blame for their actions, reactions, or their decision to treat you poorly. It’s on them.

Remembering this can empower you to maintain your self-esteem and set healthy boundaries.

You deserve respect, kindness, and understanding, just like everyone else. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

Conclusion

Dealing with a narcissist can be a challenging and draining experience, but remember, you are stronger than you think.

This article has aimed to arm you with the knowledge to recognize when a narcissist is in attack mode.

With these insights, you can better protect yourself and maintain your emotional health.

But the ultimate power lies in your hands.

It’s up to you to set boundaries, stand up for yourself, and refuse to be manipulated or belittled.

Never forget that your worth is not determined by how others treat you, but by how you treat yourself.

Here’s to stronger, healthier relationships and a more empowered you!