A lot of the time, when someone’s manipulating us, we don’t catch on right away. 

If you’re not a manipulative person yourself, it’s hard to imagine that someone would go through such an orchestrated effort to sway you into doing what they want you to – even to the point of doubting yourself. 

Unfortunately, these people do exist and to protect ourselves against them, we need to be able to recognize when they’re doing it. 

In this article, we’ll discuss eight manipulative strategies you need to be aware of so people can’t manipulate you into doubting yourself for no reason.

1) Gaslighting

Manipulators are masters at the art of gaslighting. It’s a psychological tactic that slowly erodes your sense of reality.

Gaslighting is a term that originated from the 1944 film, Gaslight, where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s losing her sanity.

In real life, manipulators use this tactic to make you doubt your own perceptions, memories, and even your sanity. They deny facts, dismiss your feelings, and distort the truth until you start questioning your own judgment.

For example, they might insist something didn’t happen when you clearly remember it, or they might downplay your emotions saying you’re too sensitive or dramatic.

By creating a fog of doubt around you, manipulators can control how you perceive yourself and the world around you.

Trust your instincts.

If something feels off, it might be.

While it’s important to be humble and consider other people’s perspectives.

Don’t let anyone undermine your reality.

2) Playing the victim

I’ve seen this tactic used all too often. A manipulator will twist a situation to look like they’re the victim, even when they’re clearly in the wrong.

Let me share a personal example. I once had a friend who was a master at playing the victim.

Whenever we would argue, she’d turn it around and make it seem as if I was attacking her. She’d say things like, “You always make me feel bad” or “Why are you always against me?”

Sound familiar?

I ended up apologizing even when I knew I wasn’t in the wrong, just to maintain peace. It took me a while to realize that I was being manipulated into feeling guilty and doubting my actions.

Manipulators often use the victim card to deflect blame and make you second guess yourself.

Always evaluate situations objectively and stand your ground when necessary.

3) Negative reinforcement

Manipulators know how to use negative reinforcement to their advantage. This is when they withdraw something you desire or introduce something unpleasant to manipulate your behavior.

For instance, a manipulative boss might threaten to take away privileges or pile on extra work if you don’t comply with their unreasonable demands.

Interestingly, a study published in the Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis found that negative reinforcement can be even more powerful than positive reinforcement in shaping behavior. That’s why it’s a favored tool among manipulators to make you doubt your capabilities and bend to their will.

Always be aware of this tactic. Recognize it for what it is and don’t let it shape your self-perception or decisions.

4) Subtle criticism

Subtle criticism is another tactic manipulative people use to sow the seeds of self-doubt. They disguise their criticism as concern or advice, making it harder for you to recognize their true intentions.

It might sound something like, “I’m only telling you this for your own good,” or “I just want to help you improve.”

While it seems like they’re looking out for you, they’re actually chipping away at your confidence, leaving you questioning your abilities and decisions.

Constructive criticism is meant to help you grow, not make you feel inadequate. Always question the intent behind the advice. If it leaves you feeling inferior rather than empowered, it’s likely a manipulative tactic.

5) Isolation

One of the most heartbreaking tactics manipulators use is isolation. They slowly but surely cut you off from your support network, making you more dependent on them.

They might sow discord between you and your friends or family, make you feel guilty for spending time with others or even outright forbid you from contacting certain people.

This isolation can create a sense of loneliness and desperation that makes it harder for you to trust your own judgment. You may start to feel like the manipulator is the only one who truly understands or cares for you.

No one should dictate who you can or cannot have in your life. We all need a support network. If someone tries to isolate you, it’s a red flag that shouldn’t be ignored.

6) Silent treatment

The silent treatment is a manipulative tactic I’ve personally experienced. It’s when someone punishes you by withdrawing communication or withholding affection.

I remember a time in my life when someone I cared about would suddenly stop talking to me whenever they were upset, leaving me anxious and confused. Instead of having a healthy discussion about our issues, they chose to shut me out, making me feel like it was my fault.

This kind of behavior can make you doubt your worth and question whether you did something wrong.

But it’s essential to remember that everyone deserves open and respectful communication in their relationships. The silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation, not a sign of your shortcomings.

7) Constantly shifting goal posts

Manipulators often use the tactic of constantly changing expectations or setting unachievable goals. Just when you think you’ve met their standards, they’ll shift the goal posts, making you feel like you’re never good enough.

They might say things like, “I thought you would have achieved more by now,” or “I expected better performance from you.” This can make you doubt your abilities and keep you in a perpetual state of striving to please them.

It’s not about your inadequacy; it’s their attempt to control and manipulate. Don’t let their unrealistic expectations define your self-worth or accomplishments.

8) Playing on your fears

The most sinister tactic manipulators use is playing on your fears. They know that fear is a powerful motivator and can be used to control your actions.

They might threaten you, predict doom, or use scare tactics to make you feel insecure and vulnerable. This fear then drives you to rely on them more, giving them the control they seek.

Fear is a tool of manipulation, not a true reflection of reality. Always question the intent behind fear-inducing statements and refuse to let fear dictate your decisions or self-perception.

Knowledge is power and protection

The problem isn’t always that we don’t recognize manipulation when we see it; it’s that we dismiss its importance.

Manipulators thrive in the shadows of our ignorance and self-doubt. The more we can recognize their tactics, the less power they have over us.

Whether it’s gaslighting, playing the victim, or playing on your fears, recognizing these tactics can help you regain control. It lets you question the intent behind their actions and protect your mental space from their influence.

Keep these tactics in mind and trust your judgment. You deserve to feel confident in your decisions, and no manipulator has the right to make you feel otherwise.