1) Conversations feel strained

One of the first subtle signs of communication breakdown in a relationship is when conversations start to feel strained.

Remember when you and your partner could chat about anything and everything without any effort? When you could spend hours just talking about your day, your dreams, or even the most random topics?

When communication starts to falter, those easy, flowing conversations become more difficult.

You may find yourself struggling to find things to talk about, or avoiding conversations altogether to avoid potential conflict.

This doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a huge problem – everyone has off days. But if these strained conversations become the norm rather than the exception, it’s a sign that something needs to change.

It’s not about forcing more conversations but rediscovering that comfort and ease with each other. 

2) You’ve stopped asking each other for advice

Here’s a personal observation from my years of counselling couples. When communication starts to break down, partners often stop asking each other for advice.

Recall the early days of your relationship. You probably turned to your partner for advice on everything from what to wear to a party, to more serious decisions like career choices.

Their opinion mattered because you valued their perspective and saw them as a trusted confidant.

But now? You might notice that you’re making decisions independently, without considering your partner’s input. Or maybe you’re seeking advice from others, but not from your partner.

If you find that you’ve stopped seeking or giving advice in your relationship, it might be time to check in with each other and reconnect.

3) You’re no longer sharing your feelings

Feelings are the essence of communication, and when they’re not being shared, it’s a clear sign that something’s off.

I’ve seen it in countless couples I’ve worked with – they come in, sit on my couch, and when I ask them how they’re feeling, they turn to each other with blank expressions.

They’ve stopped sharing their feelings with each other, and often, they don’t even realize it.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I talk about the importance of emotional communication in a relationship. It’s about more than just saying “I love you” – it’s about sharing your:

• Fears and worries
• Dreams and aspirations
• Anger and frustrations
• Joys and happiness

Emotional communication is key to a healthy relationship, and it’s something that can always be improved upon.

4) You’re spending more time together, but feeling further apart

This one might seem counterintuitive.

How could spending more time with your partner be a sign of communication breakdown?

In my years as a relationship expert, I’ve noticed that as communication dwindles, many couples unconsciously try to compensate by increasing the amount of time they spend together.

They plan more date nights, more joint activities, in hopes that the quantity will make up for the lack of quality.

But here’s the thing: you can spend every waking moment with your partner and still feel a million miles away if you’re not truly connecting.

It’s not about having your bodies in the same room, but having your hearts and minds in sync.

5) There’s an increase in misunderstandings

Misunderstandings are part of any relationship. But when they start piling up, it’s a sign that you might not be communicating as well as you think.

I remember a couple I worked with who were constantly at odds because they kept misunderstanding each other.

She thought he was ignoring her when he was just absorbed in his work. He felt she was being overly sensitive when she was just trying to express her feelings.

The problem? They had stopped communicating clearly.

Their words were getting lost in translation because they were not taking the time to truly listen and understand each other.

When misunderstandings become more frequent, it’s a sign that your communication is suffering. 

6) You’re avoiding each other

Let’s get brutally honest here. If you’re finding excuses to avoid your partner, it’s a glaring red flag that your communication has broken down.

Maybe you’re working late to avoid dinner together. Maybe you’re choosing to hang out with friends instead of spending a quiet evening at home.

Whatever it is, if you’re actively seeking ways not to engage with your partner, something’s wrong.

Avoidance is often a defense mechanism.

It’s easier to avoid your partner than confront the issues you’re facing. But remember, problems don’t disappear just because you ignore them.

Face the issues head-on, engage with your partner, and start rebuilding the bridges of communication that have been damaged.

7) Your body language has changed

As a relationship expert, one of the first things I notice about a couple is their body language.

You can say a lot without uttering a single word, and your body language is usually a clear indicator of your communication state.

If you and your partner have stopped using open body language, it’s a sign that your communication is breaking down. In addition, you could be:

• Crossing your arms
• Avoiding eye contact
• Turning away from each other

Take time to observe how you interact physically with your partner. Are you open, inviting, and warm, or do you come across as closed off and distant? 

8) You feel alone even when they’re right next to you

This is probably the rawest, most honest sign that communication has broken down – feeling alone even when your partner is right next to you.

It’s an isolating feeling, like you’re on a deserted island while they’re on a bustling mainland. You’re in the same space, but you’re not truly together.

This loneliness isn’t about physical proximity; it’s about emotional distance. You might be sitting next to each other, but your hearts and minds are miles apart.

Conclusion

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. When it starts to fade, it’s like a plant being deprived of water – slowly wilting away.

But remember, recognizing the problem is the first step to solving it.

If you’ve noticed any of these signs in your relationship, don’t panic. It’s not too late to bridge the communication gap.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I provide practical tips and strategies to improve communication and rebuild connections.

Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, and it’s okay to take things slow.

You and your partner can find your rhythm again.

The dance floor is waiting for you.