If you’re currently experiencing relationship difficulties, you may be wondering if the relationship is salvable or not.

In my years as a relationship expert, I’ve come to realize that if your partnership loses one specific thing, it is very difficult to get things back on track.

That thing my friends, is respect.

Respect is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. But sometimes, without even realizing it, we start losing respect for our partner.

It’s not often a conscious decision, but a gradual process that can creep up on you.

In this article, I’m going to help you discover if you’ve lost respect for your partner (without realizing it). Here are 8 subtle signs that suggest this key ingredient is missing in your relationship.

1) You’re constantly criticizing them

Criticism is a part of any relationship. We all have our quirks and habits that can get on our partner’s nerves. But when criticism becomes a regular occurrence, it might be a sign of lost respect.

When you’re in love with someone, you accept them for who they are – quirks and all.

But if you find yourself constantly criticizing your partner, from the way they chew their food to their choice of television shows, it’s worth asking yourself why.

Is it truly about their behavior? Or have you begun to lose respect for them?

It’s important to remember that everyone has their own way of doing things. And just because you don’t agree with your partner’s methods doesn’t mean they’re wrong.

Psychology shows that constant criticism is damaging to a relationship. Criticism is the first of the Four Horseman, which according to Dr Gottman’s research, can predict the end of a relationship.

So, take some time to reflect on your actions and consider whether you’re voicing legitimate concerns or if you’ve started to lose respect for your partner.

2) You’re not listening to them

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. In fact, according to a study by yourtango.com, lack of communication is the most common cause of divorce, at 65%.

Even though we know communication is ket, we still sometimes we find ourselves tuning out when our partner is talking.

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen this scenario play out countless times. You might be physically present, but your mind is miles away.

This lack of respect often manifests as not giving your full attention when your partner is expressing their thoughts or feelings.

If you’ve noticed that your partner’s words are going in one ear and out the other, it may be a subtle sign that you’ve lost respect for them. It’s time to take a step back and reevaluate your listening habits.

3) You’ve stopped valuing their opinion

In a healthy relationship, mutual respect means valuing each other’s opinions. But when respect starts to slip away, so does the weight of your partner’s views in your eyes.

You might find yourself dismissing their ideas without giving them proper consideration. Or worse, you may make important decisions without even consulting them.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I talk about the importance of maintaining a balance of power and respect in a relationship.

If you’ve started to disregard your partner’s opinions, it might be time to pick up a copy and do some soul-searching.

4) You’re overly polite

Politeness is usually a good thing, right? Well, not always.

Being overly polite with your partner could be a subtle sign you’ve lost respect for them. This might seem counterintuitive, but let me explain.

In a healthy relationship, there’s room for candidness and authenticity. You’re comfortable with each other and can express your true feelings without fear.

But when respect dwindles, you might find yourself being excessively polite as a way of creating emotional distance. It’s almost as if you’re treating your partner like an acquaintance rather than a loved one.

So, if “please” and “thank you” have become more frequent in your conversations, and you’re consciously avoiding any form of confrontation, it might be time to question why.

5) You’re not including them in your future plans

In my early twenties, I remember planning a trip to Europe and not even considering whether my then-boyfriend would want to join.

Looking back, it was a clear indication that I didn’t see him in my future and had lost respect for him within our relationship.

When you’re in a relationship with someone you respect, you naturally envision a future with them. You consider their wishes and desires when making plans, whether it’s about choosing a holiday destination or making career moves.

But if you’ve started to exclude your partner from your future plans, or if their absence in your envisioned future doesn’t bother you, it’s a subtle sign that respect might be lacking.

It’s crucial to check-in with yourself and reassess the situation. Are you unintentionally sidelining your partner or have you lost respect for them?

6) You’re embarrassed by them

This is a tough one to admit, but if we’re being raw and honest, being embarrassed by your partner can be a glaring sign of lost respect.

It’s normal to occasionally feel a twinge of embarrassment when your partner does something goofy or out of character.

But if you find yourself frequently feeling embarrassed by their actions, words, or even their beliefs, it’s a different story.

You might avoid introducing them to your friends or colleagues, or you might try to change them to fit your idea of what’s “acceptable”.

If this resonates with you, it’s time for some serious introspection. 

7) You’re indifferent to their feelings

Indifference can be more damaging than outright dislike. 

In my journey as a relationship expert, I’ve encountered many couples where one partner had become indifferent to the other’s feelings. It’s a subtle yet powerful sign of lost respect.

If your partner’s happiness or sadness doesn’t affect you as much as it once did, or if you find yourself disconnecting emotionally, it’s time to take note.

In a healthy relationship, your partner’s feelings matter to you and vice versa. Indifference erodes this bond and can signal a lack of respect. It’s essential to recognize and address this if you want to rebuild the respect in your relationship.

8) You’re fantasizing about life without them

This is one of those raw and honest signs that’s hard to face – when you start fantasizing about a life without your partner.

We all have moments of solitude or fleeting thoughts of what life could be like on our own.

But if these thoughts become a regular escape or if you often find yourself daydreaming about a future without your partner, it’s a sign of deeper issues.

This doesn’t just mean physically without them, but also emotionally and mentally. Are you imagining personal growth, happiness, or achievements that don’t include them?

If so, it may be an indication of lost respect, and it’s essential to confront these feelings honestly.

Ignoring them won’t make them disappear; instead, it could lead to resentment and further loss of respect in your relationship.

Conclusion

If you recognize these signs in your relationship, it is critical to take action.

First, do some honest reflection to understand if you still want to be with your partner. 

If you decide you do, you may want to consider seeking the guidance of a relationship counsellor to help you mend the cracks and rebuild respect.

Moreover, in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into these issues and provide practical advice on regaining respect and balance in your relationship.