There’s a thin line between being genuinely nice and being a people pleaser.

The real difference? It’s all about intent. Being nice comes from a place of empathy and kindness, while people pleasing is more about seeking approval or avoiding conflict.

Sometimes, we might be crossing that line without even realizing it. And that’s where the problem starts.

So let’s dive into this. I’m going to share with you 9 subtle signs that could indicate that you’re not just a nice person, but a people pleaser. Stick with me on this journey of self-discovery and see how many of these signs resonate with you.

1) You struggle to say no

Here’s a familiar situation.

You’re swamped with work, busy juggling personal commitments, but then a friend asks for a favor. Despite your full plate, you find yourself saying “yes”. Sound familiar?

This inability to say “no” is one of the key indicators that you might be a people pleaser. It’s not about being helpful or kind, it’s about the fear of disappointing others.

Often, people pleasers feel a sense of obligation to fulfill every request made of them. They worry about the consequences of saying “no”, from disappointing others to potential conflict.

Make no mistake: There’s nothing wrong with prioritizing your needs and saying “no” sometimes. You don’t owe anyone anything. 

2) You feel responsible for other people’s feelings

I recall a time when I was planning a surprise birthday party for a friend. I was so worried about everyone else’s enjoyment that I didn’t even have time to enjoy the party myself.

Did everyone have enough to eat? Were they having fun? Was the music too loud or too soft? These thoughts consumed me.

And that’s another classic sign of a people pleaser: feeling responsible for other people’s happiness, to the point where it starts to affect your own.

If you find yourself constantly worrying about how others feel, and changing your actions to accommodate them, you might be a people pleaser. While it’s nice to care about others‘ feelings, you’re not responsible for their happiness.

3) You apologize excessively

Here’s something intriguing: Psychologists have pointed out that people who are overly nice or people pleasers tend to apologize more than necessary.

Does “sorry” slip out of your mouth more often than it should, even when you’re not at fault? Do you find yourself apologizing for things out of your control?

This constant need to apologize stems from a fear of offending others or being perceived negatively. People pleasers often feel a heightened sense of guilt and responsibility, leading them to apologize for situations they have no control over.

Look: Taking responsibility for our mistakes is a sign of maturity, but unnecessary apologies can diminish your self-esteem. Always be aware of when an apology is truly warranted, and when it’s just your people-pleasing tendencies kicking in.

4) You avoid confrontation at all costs

Conflict is a part of life. It’s not always pleasant, but it can lead to resolution and growth. But if the mere thought of confrontation sends you into a panic, you might be a people pleaser.

People pleasers often go to great lengths to avoid conflict. They might agree with opinions they don’t really share, or let others take advantage of them, just to keep the peace.

However, consistently avoiding confrontation can lead to resentment and stress. It’s okay to express your feelings and stand up for yourself. 

5) You feel uncomfortable when someone is angry with you

It’s normal to feel a bit uneasy when someone is upset with you. But for a people pleaser, this feeling can be overwhelming.

Does your anxiety spike whenever someone shows the slightest sign of displeasure towards you? Do you go out of your way to mend things immediately, often at the expense of your own feelings or needs?

People pleasers often have an intense fear of disappointing others. They strive to maintain an image of being liked by everyone, which is simply not realistic.

Listen up: People will get upset, and that’s okay. What matters is how you handle these situations and stand up for yourself, while remaining respectful and considerate.

6) You feel drained from always trying to please others

This one hits close to the heart.

Living to please others can drain every ounce of your energy. Constantly prioritizing their needs while neglecting your own leaves you emotionally depleted.

Are you feeling perpetually exhausted, even after a good night’s sleep? Do you sense that you’re running on fumes, pouring yourself into others without receiving much in return?

Let this be your constant reminder: Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s imperative. You matter just as much as anyone else, and your well-being is non-negotiable.

7) You struggle to express your true feelings and opinions

I remember a time when I was asked for my opinion on a matter at work. Instead of voicing my true thoughts, I agreed with the majority. I didn’t want to rock the boat or appear difficult.

If you often find yourself suppressing your true feelings or opinions for fear of upsetting others, it’s a clear sign of being a people pleaser. It’s as though you’re wearing a mask, projecting what you think others want to see rather than your authentic self.

My friend, your feelings and opinions are valid and deserve to be heard. You have a right to express them without fear of rejection or displeasure. 

8) You often feel underappreciated

Ever felt like your efforts go unnoticed? Like no matter how much you do for others, it’s never quite enough?

People pleasers often find themselves feeling unappreciated. Despite going above and beyond to help others, they rarely receive the same level of effort in return.

The harsh truth is, people pleasers often attract takers who take advantage of their generosity. Consequently, they often feel taken for granted.

It’s crucial to understand that your worth is not measured by how much you do for others. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and expect respect in return for your kindness. 

9) You base your self-worth on others’ approval

This might be the most telling sign of a people pleaser: basing your self-worth on the approval of others.

Do you constantly seek validation from those around you? Do you feel worthless or unloved when someone is upset with you?

Your self-worth should not be dependent on others’ opinions or reactions. You are valuable and deserving of love and respect, regardless of how others perceive you.

It’s essential to foster a healthy sense of self-worth that comes from within, not from pleasing others. You are enough, just as you are. Don’t let anyone else’s opinion dictate your worth.

Final thoughts: The power of self-love

Here’s something to ponder: The relationship between our behavior and self-perception is profoundly intertwined.

When it comes to people pleasing, it’s often a reflection of how we perceive our own worth. We seek validation from others because we struggle to find it within ourselves.

Self-love and self-acceptance are the antidotes to people pleasing. When we truly love and accept ourselves, we no longer feel the need to please others for acceptance.

The journey towards self-love involves embracing our imperfections, setting boundaries, and prioritizing our needs. It’s about realizing that we are enough, just as we are, without the need for external validation.