You may sense that something feels “off” in your relationship, but pinpointing the problem isn’t always easy.

Sometimes, the red flags are subtle, hiding beneath the surface of everyday interactions

As Tina Fey, founder of Love Connection and seasoned relationship expert, I’ve spent years studying these slight cues, using psychological insights to read between the lines.

In this piece, I’ll share eight subtle signs that may indicate you’re in a relationship with the wrong woman.

1) Communication breakdown

It’s no secret that communication is the lifeblood of any relationship.

Psychologists agree that how we communicate with our partner can make or break a relationship.

But what if your conversations always seem to end in arguments or misunderstandings?

Look out for a pattern of consistent communication breakdowns.

Some of the frequent examples I came across throughout my career are:

• She never really listens to what you’re saying
• She consistently misinterprets your words
• She avoids meaningful conversations altogether, preferring to keep things superficial

It’s essential to keep in mind that communication is a two-way street.

It’s not just about her listening but also about you expressing your thoughts and feelings clearly.

2) Lack of support

In any relationship, support is fundamental.

As someone who’s been in the game for a while now, I can’t stress enough how crucial it is to have a partner who backs you up–in good and tough times alike.

However, if you notice that she’s often dismissive of your achievements, or shows little interest in your goals and dreams, it might be a red flag.

A partner should be your biggest cheerleader, not a constant critic.

I’m reminded of a quote by the great Maya Angelou: “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”

If your partner isn’t there for you in your times of need or joy, well, it’s worth taking a moment to reflect on that.

3) Codependency is prevalent

In my years as a relationship expert, I’ve noticed that one of the most harmful dynamics in a relationship is codependency.

It’s a tricky beast, often mistaken for deep affection or love–but when one person’s emotional wellbeing becomes dependent on the other person’s mood, actions, or approval, it’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

You might find yourself setting aside your own needs and desires to keep her happy or to avoid conflict.

Perhaps you’re constantly worried about her emotions and reactions, even when it’s at the expense of your own peace of mind.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into how to identify this unhealthy dynamic and the steps to break free from it.

It’s okay to love someone deeply, but it’s not okay to lose yourself in the process.

4) You’re happier when she’s not around

This one might seem a little counterintuitive.

We often associate being in a relationship with feelings of happiness and joy when we’re around our partner.

But what if the opposite is true?

A telling sign that you might be with the wrong woman is if you find yourself feeling happier, lighter, or more at ease when she’s not around.

It could be that her constant negativity, criticism, or controlling behavior is causing you subconscious stress.

You might not even realize it until she’s away and you suddenly feel a sense of relief.

In a healthy relationship, your partner should enhance your happiness, not diminish it.

If your happiest moments are when she’s absent, it might be time to reassess the relationship.

5) Your friends and family have concerns

While it’s true that your relationship is ultimately between you and your partner, the people who know you best can often provide valuable perspectives.

Throughout my life and career, I’ve seen many instances where friends and family have been the first to notice when something isn’t quite right in a relationship.

If the people who care about you express consistent concerns about your partner or how she treats you, it’s worth taking a moment to listen.

Sure, no one is perfect and every relationship has its ups and downs.

If there’s an ongoing pattern of concern from multiple people who have your best interests at heart, they might be seeing something that you’re too close to notice.

6) You’re making excuses for her behavior

Sometimes, love can make us put on rose-colored glasses.

We excuse behaviors that we would never tolerate in other relationships.

We justify hurtful words and actions because we believe in the person we think our partner is or could be.

But let’s get real here.

If you find yourself constantly making excuses for her—to yourself, to your friends and family–it’s time to take a step back.

Are you defending her because she’s truly misunderstood? Or are you trying to paint a picture of the relationship you wish you had, rather than the one you’re actually in?

It’s tough, I know—but facing the truth is the first step toward a healthier, happier you.

You deserve a relationship that doesn’t need excuses!

7) Your values and future plans don’t align

As a relationship expert, I’ve always maintained that shared values and aligned future plans are the backbone of a successful relationship.

If you and your partner have significantly different visions for the future, or fundamentally different values, it can lead to friction and dissatisfaction down the line.

For instance, you may dream of a quiet life in the countryside, while she can’t imagine leaving the hustle and bustle of the city.

Perhaps you value honesty above all else, but she seems to have a flexible relationship with the truth.

The thing is, if your core values don’t align with your partner’s, it’s like trying to speak a different language—no matter how hard you try, you’ll struggle to truly understand each other.

8) You feel drained, not energized

Relationships can be hard work.

But at the end of the day, your relationship should be a source of energy, not a drain on it.

If you find yourself feeling consistently tired or drained around your partner, or if being with her feels like a chore rather than a joy, these could be signs that something isn’t right.

Perhaps you’re constantly walking on eggshells to avoid conflict, or you’re investing more into the relationship than you’re getting back.

Being in love shouldn’t leave you feeling exhausted. It should:

• Ignite your spirit
• Inspire you
• Make you feel alive

Final thoughts

Recognizing these subtle signs can be a game-changer in understanding whether your relationship is truly serving you.

If any of these behaviors feel uncomfortably familiar, it might be time to take a closer look at what’s really going on.

If you find that codependency is a recurring theme in your relationships, I encourage you to check out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

It’s packed with more insights and practical advice on breaking free from unhealthy dynamics and creating relationships that are truly fulfilling.

It’s your journey—don’t be afraid to take the wheel and steer towards what makes you truly happy!