Kindness is often portrayed through grand gestures, but genuine unkindness tends to show up in much more subtle ways.

Yes, you read that right—regrettably, not everyone we encounter possesses these qualities.

Some people can be genuinely unkind, causing feelings of discomfort and distress in our interactions with them.

These unkind individuals may not always be outrightly rude or mean and, in many cases, their unkindness is subtle and can easily go unnoticed until it’s too late.

Psychologists have identified certain traits that are common among genuinely unkind people.

Here are nine subtle signs you’re dealing with a genuinely unkind person, and why recognizing them can help you set better boundaries and protect your well-being:

1) They dismiss your feelings

Dismissing feelings may not always be overtly done—it’s not necessarily about a person blatantly telling you that your feelings don’t matter.

A genuinely unkind person might subtly disregard your emotions in a way that can be hard to pinpoint.

In some cases, they may feign concern but never follow up or show real empathy toward your feelings—even belittling or trivializing your emotional experiences, making you feel as though your reactions are unwarranted.

Over time, these dismissive actions can lead to feelings of insignificance and self-doubt, making you question the validity of your own emotions.

2) They consistently break promises

Trust is a fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship—when someone consistently breaks their promises, it can severely harm that trust.

An unkind person might often make promises with no real intention of keeping them; for example, promising to be there for your important event, helping you with a difficult task, or even changing a negative behavior.

When the time comes to deliver, they are nowhere to be found or make excuses for their broken promises.

Psychologically, this pattern of behavior is indicative of a lack of respect for others’ time and feelings, and a lack of accountability for their actions—all markers of an unkind person.

3) They’re overly generous

At first glance, generosity seems like a positive trait.

However, when it’s excessive and comes with strings attached, it could be a sign of an unkind person.

An individual might shower you with gifts, favors, or compliments excessively to the point where it feels overwhelming or insincere.

These people use generosity as a way to manipulate situations, control your actions, or make you feel indebted to them—in a way, it’s ticket of your obligation to return the favor.

4) They shame you

Dealing with someone who consistently shames you is one of the most damaging experiences—they make you feel embarrassed or humiliated, often in the most subtle ways.

Instances would include situations where they would make a snide remark about your appearance, a sarcastic comment about your job, or a patronizing laugh at your dreams.

Like any horrible person, they find ways to make you feel small and unworthy, chipping away at your self-esteem over time.

No one has the right to make you feel ashamed about who you are or what you aspire to be.

5) They rarely apologize

We’re all human, and we all make mistakes.

It’s our ability to recognize these mistakes, apologize sincerely, and make amends that separates us from genuinely unkind people.

An unkind individual may find it hard to say “I’m sorry” by, instead, justifying their actions, shifting the blame or simply ignoring the issue completely.

This refusal to apologize is often stemmed from valuing their pride over your feelings—which is rather unfortunate on your end.

6) They’re constantly negative

We’ve all had bad days where nothing seems to go right and all we can see is the negative.

However, when someone is always in a state of negativity, it can be a sign of an unkind person.

Maybe they’re always complaining about their job, their friends, or even the weather—every conversation feels heavy, leaving you drained and feeling down.

Being around such constant negativity can be both mentally and emotionally exhausting, and can make interactions less enjoyable.

It’s important to protect your own positivity and mental health when dealing with such individuals.

7) They don’t laugh at your jokes

Humor is subjective, we all know that, but—when someone never appreciates your sense of humor or fails to share a hearty laugh with you—it could be more than just different comedic tastes.

These kinds of people might not laugh at your jokes because they don’t want to give you the satisfaction of making them smile.

You could expect that they could go so far as to belittle your humor, making off-hand comments about how your jokes aren’t funny.

Laughter is one of life’s simplest joys and a key ingredient in any healthy relationship.

If someone can’t share a laugh with you, it might be a subtle sign of their underlying unkindness—after all, who can resist a good dad joke?

8) They’re always right

We’ve all encountered those people who believe they’re never wrong; no matter the situation, they always have the last say and refuse to consider other perspectives.

There will always be this expectation that they’ll dismiss your viewpoints, argue tirelessly to prove their point, and rarely—if ever—admit when they’re wrong.

It’s crucial to understand that it’s not about who’s right or wrong, but about mutual respect and open communication.

9) They lack empathy

Empathy—the ability to understand and share the feelings of others—is at the core of all human interactions.

An unkind person often lacks this crucial trait; they may struggle to put themselves in your shoes, show indifference towards your pain, or fail to express genuine joy at your successes.

This lack of empathy can leave you feeling alone and misunderstood in their presence.

Remember, everyone deserves to be surrounded by people who can share in their joys, sorrows, and everything in between.

You’re dealing with an unkind person—so, what’s next?

As renowned psychologist Dr. Brené Brown once said, “Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”

It’s crucial to realize that being kinder or more understanding won’t change an unkind person—their behavior isn’t a reflection of your worth or how well you treat others.

You’re not responsible for their actions; instead, what you can control is your response and the influence their unkindness has over you.

Setting boundaries or reconsidering their role in your life may be beneficial, so it’s okay to distance yourself from those who bring negativity.

Everyone deserves kindness and respect—even you.