Not every relationship is meant to last.

But while some couples see things the same way – over time, they both realize they’re not the right fit for each other and slowly but surely prepare to move on – others aren’t as aligned.

I know what I’m talking about. In one of my past relationships, my partner secretly wanted to break up for quite a long time before they finally mustered the courage to do so.

In the meantime, I had no clue what was going on. All I knew was that something had changed, and there was nothing I could do to fix it.

What about your partner? Do they secretly want out of the relationship?

Here are the 8 subtle signs to watch out for.

1) You feel disconnected from each other

The first thing to keep in mind is that your gut feeling says a great deal about the state of the relationship.

Even if you feel like things are going just fine, your gut instinct might be whispering that something’s not quite right, that things aren’t what they used to be. That you can sense a certain sort of disinterest from your partner, a disconnection that makes you feel lonely.

And while it is entirely possible this is your anxious attachment style or your insecurities talking, it’s definitely a feeling worth investigating.

Because sometimes, it’s nothing but your gut instinct telling you that your doubts are rooted in truth.

As the American psychologist Joyce Brothers once said, “Trust your hunches. They’re usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level.”

2) They’re suddenly very critical of you

If your partner wants out of the relationship, it may be due to the fact that their rose-tinted glasses have fallen off and they’ve realized you’re not as good a match as they once hoped.

The unfortunate side effect of this realization is that they may suddenly become very critical of you.

For example, my ex always used to think my clumsiness was very cute – until he began to grow more and more frustrated with me precisely for this reason.

From focusing on your negative traits too much to disregarding all the amazing things they once admired about you, your partner has probably gone from someone who idealized you in their head to someone who hyperfixates on everything that’s disagreeable about you.

Naturally, this can be incredibly painful. I’ve been there, too.

But I want you to remember that there are thousands of people out there who would make for a good match and who’d be more than happy to love you in your entirety.

You’ve just got to find them.

3) They pick fights over nothing

When someone’s opinion of you switches from one of adoration to one of frustration, there’s a high chance their feelings will eventually translate into their behavior toward you.

In other words, they’ll pick fights over minuscule issues that would otherwise have no real bearing on the relationship, make passive-aggressive jokes, and seem to be waiting for an excuse to get mad at you and blow up.

As a result, you often feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them.

Will X set them off? What about Y, are they suddenly mad about that, too?

Safety and vulnerability are at the very core of a healthy long-term relationship.

If you don’t feel safe expressing your authentic self around your partner, it’s a big sign that the foundations of your connection are beginning to disintegrate.

4) They prefer spending time with their friends

It’s very important that both people in a relationship have a life that exists outside of it, from friendships to hobbies or side hustles.

Maintaining your friendships with others is vital.

Not only does it help you retain your individual identity and foster other forms of relationships that are just as important but also because your friends can help you look at things from an objective perspective where your partner is concerned.

To put it simply, your friends keep you sane.

But there’s a difference between someone who splits their time between their partner and their friends in a way that works for everyone and someone who would rather not hang out with their partner at all.

I know, it sounds a bit absurd. Why would you date another person if you prefer spending time with your friends anyway?

Well, a lot of it has to do with comfort and convenience. Some people just want to have their cake and eat it, too.

Unfortunately, the person who actually wants to foster a connection is the one who ends up suffering.

5) They don’t ask you about your day anymore

Look, we all get too busy to have a thorough chat about our day sometimes. We all get so tired that all we want to do is just crash into bed and cuddle.

And that’s okay.

But when this behavior turns into such a pattern that you can’t even remember the last time you and your partner had a conversation that lasted longer than ten minutes….

You may have a problem.               

Far too many people mistakenly assume that a romantic relationship is built upon romance and sexual chemistry only. The moment romantic gestures decrease in quantity and sexual chemistry becomes less intense, things begin to fall apart.

Unless you also have a stable foundation of friendship, that is.

While sex drive declines as we age, friendship only grows, which is why some of the happiest relationships out there consist of two people who happen to be the best of friends.

But what does this mean in practice?

It means you share the same sense of humor. It means you don’t get bored when you’re on holiday together. It means you’re genuinely interested in each other’s hobbies and opinions.

You’re not just in love. You’re emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually connected.

And if your partner doesn’t seem to care for that sort of deep connection…

It’s another sign they may be secretly over the relationship.

6) They no longer speak their love language

You’ve probably heard of the five love languages before.

And if you have, you and your partner most likely know one another’s primary love languages, from physical touch or quality time to words of affirmation, acts of service, and gifts.

Alright, now I want you to take a step back and have a think.

Does your partner still speak their love language when they’re around you?

After all, love language is how we like to express affection, and if your significant other isn’t as bothered about expressing their love for you anymore, it might mean something’s up.

My ex’s primary love language was physical touch. Over the years, though, he was less and less cuddly and physically expressive.

When I realized he hadn’t given me a hug in days, it occurred to me for the first time that he may have had a change of heart.

And I was right.

7) Your sex life isn’t what it used to be

Speaking of physical touch, a lot of relationship problems tend to manifest in the bedroom and the other way around.

If you struggle to connect sexually, for instance, this issue may easily translate into your life outside of the bedroom, from having petty fights to feeling more sensitive to rejection.

Some people like to deny it, but sex does matter. It may not be as important as a strong sense of friendship, but it does play a vital role nonetheless.

According to Psychology Today, “Research finds that the quality of a couple’s sexual connection early in their relationship goes a long way in determining their long-term sexual satisfaction.”

“In such couples,” the writers add, “even when sexual frequency and passion begin to decline, overall relationship satisfaction remains steady.”

Perhaps more importantly, “Influential relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman report that their studies of thousands of couples find that the couples who have the best sex lives, and are the most passionate, ‘say I love you every day and mean it.”

“They kiss one another passionately for no reason at all. They give compliments. They give surprise romantic gifts. They have dates. They cuddle often. And they express affection in public.’”

This is, of course, further proof that your sexual and emotional dynamics are interconnected.

…which means that if your partner secretly wants out of the relationship, they may not be as passionate or attentive in bed as they used to be.

8) They don’t include you in their future plans

There’s a world of difference between “Where would you like us to go on holiday next year?” and “I’m thinking of going to Ibiza next year.”

While the first automatically includes you in the plan, the other one is the complete opposite – the focus on “I” is so strong that there is basically no space left for you.

This isn’t to say that couples have to do everything together, of course. They don’t.

But if your partner considers your relationship to be endgame, they will plan holidays, dates, and trips with you. They will consider your feelings and opinions when coming up with future plans.

They will include you in the long-term vision they have for their life.

And if they don’t…

It’s the final sign they may secretly want out of the relationship.