I’ve often wondered—how do you really know if someone’s with you for love?

I’m not talking about the grand gestures or the sweet nothings whispered on a cozy Friday night. I mean the real, raw kind of love—the one that sticks around when life gets messy.

There was a time when I thought love was primarily expressed through what people said, but over the years, I’ve learned it’s much more about what they do—or don’t do.

If you’ve ever found yourself questioning your partner’s intentions, you’re not alone. And the truth is, the signs are often there, hiding in plain sight.

Let’s talk about nine subtle signs that your partner might not be in it for love.

They aren’t always easy to spot, but trust me, once you notice them, it can be hard to unsee.

1) Lack of emotional investment

In a truly loving relationship, both partners are emotionally invested. They care about each other’s feelings and well-being.

But if your partner seems detached or indifferent, it could be a sign they’re not in it for love.

This lack of emotional investment can manifest in different ways. Maybe they don’t ask about your day, or they seem uninterested in your feelings or experiences.

Of course, everyone has off days. But if this indifference is a consistent pattern, it’s worth taking note.

It’s important to talk about these concerns with your partner. Open communication is key to revealing their true intentions.

2) They don’t include you in future plans

In my own personal relationship, I remember when I realized that my partner wasn’t including me in their future plans.

We had been together for a while, and I was excited about our shared future.

But every time I brought up long-term plans – moving in together, vacations, even just simple things like family gatherings – they would change the subject or give vague responses.

It felt as if they were avoiding the topic. And it wasn’t just once or twice; it became a recurring pattern.

I realized that they didn’t see me as part of their future, which ultimately led to us parting ways.

When a partner loves you and sees a future with you, they include you in their plans.

If your partner consistently avoids discussing the future or makes plans without considering you, it could be a subtle sign that they’re not with you for love.

3) They don’t express appreciation

Did you know that expressing gratitude is one of the key predictors of relationship satisfaction?

According to psychologists, couples who regularly express appreciation for each other tend to have stronger, happier relationships.

In contrast, if your partner rarely or never expresses appreciation for you or the things you do, it could be a subtle sign that they’re not with you for love.

Appreciation isn’t just saying ‘thank you’. It’s expressed through acknowledging your efforts and the positive attributes you bring to the relationship.

If this expression of gratitude is consistently missing, it might be time to evaluate your partner’s feelings towards you.

4) They avoid physical intimacy

Physical intimacy is a crucial part of most romantic relationships.

It’s not just sex, but also small gestures of affection like holding hands, hugging, or simply touching your arm as they walk by.

If your partner consistently avoids physical intimacy, it could be a subtle sign that they’re not with you for love.

Of course, everyone has their own comfort levels when it comes to physical touch. Some people are naturally less tactile than others.

But if your partner used to be affectionate and suddenly isn’t, or if they seem uncomfortable with your attempts at physical intimacy, it’s worth paying attention to.

5) They’re secretive about their personal life

Sharing personal information is a natural part of being in a loving relationship.

It shows trust, vulnerability, and a willingness to let the other person into your life.

But if your partner is secretive about their personal life, it might be a sign that they’re not with you for love.

Maybe they’re reluctant to introduce you to their friends or family, or perhaps they avoid talking about their past. They might even be protective of their phone or other personal items.

While everyone has a right to privacy, excessive secrecy in a relationship can be a red flag.

6) They don’t support your dreams

In a loving relationship, both partners are each other’s cheerleaders.

They support each other’s dreams and aspirations, offering encouragement in times of doubt.

Experts agree that when your partner doesn’t support your dreams, it can feel like a punch in the gut. It’s as if the one person who should have your back doesn’t.

Perhaps they belittle your goals or show indifference towards your achievements.

Or worse, they may even discourage you from pursuing your passions.

This lack of support can be incredibly disheartening. It can make you question not only your dreams but also the strength of your relationship.

It’s crucial to have a partner who believes in you and supports you in your journey towards achieving your dreams.

If you feel unsupported, it’s important to communicate these feelings with your partner and consider their response carefully.

7) They constantly criticize you

I remember being in a relationship where I felt like I was walking on eggshells.

My partner would constantly criticize me – my appearance, my job, even my hobbies. Nothing I did seemed good enough.

The constant criticism wore down my self-esteem and made me question my worth. It was a painful experience that left lasting scars.

If your partner is constantly criticizing you, it could be a sign that they’re not with you for love.

Constructive criticism is one thing, but if it’s incessant and hurtful, it can be indicative of deeper issues.

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and kindness. Don’t tolerate constant criticism in the name of love. It’s important to stand up for yourself and communicate how their words are affecting you.

8) They don’t make time for you

In a loving relationship, spending time together is a priority. Even with busy schedules, partners find ways to share experiences and create memories together.

But if your partner doesn’t make time for you, it could be a subtle sign that they’re not with you for love.

Maybe they’re always too busy or cancel plans at the last minute. Or perhaps when you are together, they seem distracted or disinterested.

Actions often speak louder than words. If your partner consistently fails to make time for you, it’s worth discussing this concern with them.

9) They’re not there for you in tough times

One of the biggest tests of love is whether your partner is there for you during tough times.

Life is full of ups and downs, and having a supportive partner can make all the difference.

If your partner isn’t there for you when you’re going through a tough time, it could be a sign that they’re not with you for love.

Maybe they withdraw or become distant when things get difficult. Or perhaps they don’t offer comfort or support when you’re feeling down.

This lack of support during tough times can be incredibly hurtful. It’s important to have a partner who stands by your side, no matter what.

Final thoughts

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about love, it’s that it should never feel like a guessing game.

Sure, relationships take work, but they shouldn’t leave you questioning your worth or your place in someone’s life.

I know how hard it is to face those quiet doubts. I’ve been there, sitting with questions I didn’t want to answer, hoping things might just magically fall into place.

But love—the kind that lifts you up and keeps you grounded—doesn’t leave you wondering. It shows up. It stays.

If any of these signs feel too familiar, take a moment to ask yourself what you need—and if you’re truly getting it.

Because the love you deserve doesn’t come with disclaimers or hidden agendas. It comes with honesty, support, and a partner who sees you, really sees you, for who you are.

And here’s the thing: when you start loving yourself the way you want to be loved, the rest has a way of falling into place.

Sometimes, you have to learn to recognize what’s not love to make room for the real thing.