All relationships have their ups and downs.

But even during your most gruesome downs, you shouldn’t doubt the fact that your significant other appreciates having you in their life.

Your boo shouldn’t tolerate you, they should make you feel cherished.

If they don’t, you might want to redirect your attention toward someone who sees how much you bring to the table.

Here are 9 subtle signs your partner doesn’t truly value you, according to psychologists.

These red flags speak louder than words.

1) They prioritize anything else over time spent together

If you want your relationship to work, you have to prioritize it, psychologists point out.

In other words, you have to invest time and effort into it.

When your partner doesn’t seem keen to do that, it’s a clear sign that they’re not as committed as you might want them to be.

Especially if they do any of the following:

• They choose other activities or commitments over spending time with you
• They don’t communicate with you regularly or respond promptly to your messages
• Their behavior is inconsistent, fluctuating between moments of affection and neglect
• They frequently cancel plans with you to accommodate others

Their actions show that they don’t value your time and don’t see you as worth making sacrifices for.

Make sure you return the favor.

2) They don’t really listen to you

According to psychologists, by engaging in active listening you convey respect and validation to your partner, showing that you value having them in your life.

If your partner doesn’t seem all that interested in you and what you have to say… it’s probably because they’re not.

Do you notice them getting distracted whenever you attempt to engage them in conversation?

Do they repeatedly ask you questions you’ve already answered?

Do they rush you when you’re trying to get your point across or cut you off before you finish speaking?

If the answer to all these questions is “yes,” you have a right to be frustrated.

It’s not all in your head.

3) They brush off your feelings

Since we’re on the topic of communication, how your partner reacts when you bring up concerns also says a lot about how much they value you.

When they consistently brush off your feelings, it essentially means they are disregarding the emotions you’re expressing.

Rather than trying to see things from your point of view and accommodate your needs, they attempt to escape the conversation without reaching a compromise you’re both happy with.

There are various tactics your boo can employ to accomplish this:

• They avoid discussing your feelings altogether, either by ignoring your attempts to broach the subject or by deflecting attention away from it
• They get defensive, turning the conversation around to focus on their perspective
• They invalidate your feelings by saying things like “You shouldn’t feel that way” or “You’re being too sensitive”
• They downplay the significance of your feelings, making them seem unimportant (“You’re overreacting”)

Whatever their approach may be, remember that your feelings matter.

Don’t allow your significant other to convince you otherwise.

4) They no longer seem to care about romance

When your partner loses interest in romance, it can signify a deeper disconnect or lack of investment in the relationship.

According to psychologists, it’s natural for the spark to fizzle after a while, but it’s crucial to fight to keep it alive if you want things to last.

Ideally, you should both look for ways to spice things up, at least on occasion.

Date nights, surprises, quality time together – the whole nine yards.

Your partner showing no enthusiasm for romantic activities can mean they’re getting too comfortable with your routine.

Or, it can mean they take you for granted.

Deep down, you already know whether it’s the former or the latter.

5) They don’t consider you when making plans

Not considering you when making plans is another subtle sign that your partner doesn’t value you.

By not consulting you, they show a lack of respect for your schedule.

This leads to resentment on your end, especially if their behavior disrupts your own commitments.

For example, they agree to go out with buddies, even after you mention that you already planned a quiet night for just the two of you.

Or, they agree to a double date with one of your couple friends, even after you tell them you have to work overtime because of a pressing deadline.

Does that sound like someone who cares about what *you* want?

6) They become emotionally distant

Before I broke up with my now ex-boyfriend, he became distant seemingly overnight.

Not psychically, but emotionally.

He still checked in regularly and we spent time together, but he wasn’t all there.

He stopped sharing his struggles and fears and no longer told me about the small things that made him smile at work.

When we got together, he preferred to do things that didn’t require emotional closeness, like watching movies.   

It was like he kept in touch solely out of obligation, with no real desire to connect.

According to psychologists, signs of emotional distance include excessive alone time and a decline in meaningful communication, among others.

All behaviors that suggest your boo stopped valuing you as much.

Something to keep an eye out for.

7) They don’t ask for your opinion

In a healthy relationship, you and your partner are a team.

They consult you when making a decision, and vice versa.

Not only that but they ask for your input whenever they’re struggling with a choice or considering a change in their life.

Failing to do so can mean they don’t truly value your insights. Or they simply don’t value you.

You can easily tell when this is the case:

• Your partner makes decisions without consulting you, especially decisions that directly affect you as a couple
• They perpetually ignore your suggestions or ideas, without even discussing them
• They don’t strive to understand your perspective or consider your preferences
• You feel excluded in situations where your input could be valuable

I don’t know about you, but I like to feel like I matter to the person I’m sharing my life with.

Simply being along for the ride isn’t enough.

8) They don’t support your goals (no matter how small)

The mark of a successful relationship is that both you and your partner progress faster and further in life than if you were single.

It’s because you make each other’s lives easier by offering support.

Unfortunately, if your boo doesn’t seem particularly eager to cheer you on as you chase your dreams, they might not be invested in your growth – or the growth of the partnership.

Your aspirations are an integral part of what makes you fulfilled.

When your partner doesn’t support them, it indicates a lack of concern for your overall happiness.

In the long run, there’s a good chance you’ll start to feel like they don’t have your best interest at heart.

Or, worse, that they’re holding you back.

9) They disregard your boundaries

According to psychologists, respecting boundaries helps us build trust and respect in our relationships.

If your partner routinely tests your limits, it signals that they don’t put too much importance on your well-being.

Disregarding boundaries means something different for everyone.

Maybe your boo invades your privacy by checking your phone or social media accounts without your permission.

Pressuring you to do things in bed you’re not comfortable with.

Giving you the silent treatment as a form of punishment whenever they disapprove of your behavior.

Regardless of context, these are big no-nos.

Your partner may not appreciate your worth, but you should.  

Bottom line

Being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value you hurts more than being single.

If your partner makes you feel unworthy, their indifference takes a toll on your self-esteem.

Before you know it, the emotional turmoil you experience infects every aspect of your life, and your joy dwindles.

Don’t let it get that far.

You deserve much, much more.