There’s a fine line between having a supportive partner and one who’s just going through the motions.

The difference lies in sincerity.

When your partner genuinely has your back, they’re there for you in thick and thin, championing your causes as their own.

But what if they’re just pretending?

Hey, it’s Tina Fey here, your go-to gal from the Love Connection blog.

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen it all.

Today, I want to talk about some subtle signs that might indicate your partner isn’t truly in your corner, according to psychology.

These eight red flags might suggest your partner doesn’t genuinely have your back. 

1) They’re not your biggest cheerleader

In a genuine relationship, your partner should be your biggest cheerleader.

They should be there, celebrating your wins and giving you that much-needed pep talk when things don’t go as planned.

But what if they’re not?

A partner who doesn’t have your back might not show genuine enthusiasm for your achievements.

They might downplay your successes or even seem indifferent when you share good news.

Take a moment and think about it.

How does your partner react when you tell them about your victories, no matter how small?

If they seem disinterested or fail to show genuine joy, that might be a subtle sign to watch out for.

Remember that actions speaks louder than words.

2) They seem distant during your tough times

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

That’s how the saying goes, right? But what if your partner doesn’t?

Let’s get personal here for a moment.

I’ve been in relationships where I felt alone, even when my partner was right there with me.

It’s a tough spot to be in, let me tell you.

Psychology suggests that a partner who genuinely supports you will be there during your hard times.

They won’t just be physically present, but emotionally supportive too.

But if your partner seems distant, detached, or dismissive when you’re going through a rough patch, that could be a sign they don’t genuinely have your back.

3) They don’t respect your boundaries

Boundaries are essential in any relationship.

They allow us to maintain our individuality and personal space, and they’re crucial for our mental health.

Now, I’ve had my fair share of boundary issues in the past.

It’s something I talk about at length in my book “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship“.

If your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries, it’s a clear sign they might not genuinely have your back.

This could manifest as them making decisions that affect both of you without consulting you first, or dismissing your feelings when you speak up.

Remember, if they truly cared about you, they would respect your boundaries and value your feelings as much as their own.

If you’re struggling with setting and maintaining boundaries in your relationship, consider giving my book a read.

It offers practical advice on how to establish healthy boundaries and overcome codependency.

4) They’re overly nice, all the time

Now, this one might sound a little counterintuitive. Aren’t partners supposed to be nice to each other?

Absolutely, they are. But there’s a difference between genuine kindness and being overly nice all the time.

Psychology tells us that people who are excessively nice might be hiding something.

It could be a form of manipulation, or a way to avoid conflict and difficult conversations.

In a genuine relationship, your partner should feel comfortable enough to express their true feelings, even if they’re not always positive.

They should be able to disagree with you and have constructive arguments.

5) They rarely initiate quality time

Quality time is the lifeblood of a relationship.

It’s those precious moments you spend together, connecting on a deeper level, that truly make a difference.

In my own relationships, I’ve noticed how important it is for both partners to initiate quality time.

It’s not just about being together, but about actively choosing to spend time with each other.

It might be a warning sign if you’re always the one:

• Making plans
• Suggesting activities
• Initiating conversations

A supportive partner will want to invest their time in the relationship just as much as you do.

They’ll want to build memories and share experiences with you.

6) They don’t defend you

This one’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s necessary.

In a relationship, your partner should be your biggest advocate.

They should stand up for you, defend your honor, and never let anyone disrespect you.

It’s raw, it’s honest, and it’s non-negotiable.

If your partner stays silent or even agrees when someone criticizes or belittles you, that’s not just hurtful — it’s a clear sign they don’t genuinely have your back.

7) They don’t include you in their future plans

Planning for the future is a pretty big deal in a relationship.

It shows commitment, love, and a desire to grow together.

I remember when my partner first started talking about our future together, it filled me with such warmth and reassurance.

But if your partner consistently leaves you out of their future plans or avoids talking about the future altogether, it might be a sign they don’t genuinely have your back.

8) They break promises repeatedly

Promises are sacred in a relationship.

They’re the glue that holds trust together.

But what happens when your partner keeps breaking them?

A partner who repeatedly breaks promises doesn’t genuinely have your back.

When they consistently fail to follow through on their words, it shows a lack of respect and consideration for you.

If “I’ll do better next time” has become their mantra and yet, nothing changes, it’s a clear sign that they don’t value or respect your feelings.

As we said initially, actions speak louder than words, and broken promises are a loud proclamation of their lack of commitment to you.

Conclusion

If you’ve noticed any of these subtle signs in your partner, it might be time to reassess the foundation of your relationship.

Genuine support is the cornerstone of any healthy partnership, and without it, trust and connection begin to fade.

Paying attention to these red flags can help you decide whether you’re with someone who truly has your back—or if it’s time to move on to a relationship where you’re fully valued and supported.

For more advice on how to handle such situations and create healthier bonds, check out my book “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship“.

It’s packed with insights and practical steps to help you navigate the complexities of relationships.