Remember the warm fuzzy feeling you get when you’re enveloped in a bear hug or when someone genuinely tells you they’re proud of you? Some of us may not.

It’s easy to believe that everyone grows up with a certain amount of warmth and affection. But unfortunately, that’s not always the case.

Some people grow up starved of these critical elements, which can have lasting impacts on their emotional well-being and relationships.

If you find yourself wondering, “Did I miss out on something as a child?”, you’re in the right place.

So, let’s start this journey together, shall we?

1) Difficulty in expressing emotions

You know that feeling when you’re bursting with emotion, but the words just won’t come out?

It’s like there’s a barrier between you and your expressions, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to break it down. This could be a sign that you grew up starved for warmth and affection.

People who didn’t receive enough emotional nurturing as kids often struggle to express their feelings.

It’s not that they’re devoid of emotion – far from it. But they might have learned to suppress their feelings as a self-preservation tactic.

Remember, it’s okay to feel. And it’s okay to express what you feel. Recognizing this struggle is the first step towards overcoming it.

2) Craving for constant validation

Let me share a personal story here.

I’ve always found myself craving approval from others. Whether it was acing a test, finishing a project, or even choosing an outfit – I’d constantly look for validation. “Did I do well? Does this look good on me?” I’d ask, even though I knew I’d done my best or that I felt great in what I wore.

It took me a while to realize that this constant need for approval could be linked to my childhood.

Growing up, my achievements were often overlooked and my choices rarely praised. It’s clear now that this void created a yearning for validation in my adult life.

If you find yourself constantly seeking approval from others, it might be a sign that you too grew up starved for warmth and affection. 

3) An overwhelming fear of abandonment

There’s this gnawing feeling that I’ve often struggled with – the fear of being left alone, of being abandoned.

It’s like standing at the edge of a cliff, ready to fall into a sea of loneliness at any moment.

This dread isn’t about being physically alone. Nope. It’s about feeling emotionally abandoned.

The idea that the people I care about could just leave and take away their emotional support is terrifying.

It took me a while, but I traced this fear back to my childhood. A time when warm hugs and comforting words were scarce. A time when I felt alone, even in a room full of people.

4) A tendency to over-give

Do you often find yourself going the extra mile for others, even when it leaves you feeling drained?

You might be the friend who’s always there, ready to lend a hand, a shoulder, or an ear – no matter what. You might be seen as the ‘giver’ in your relationships, always putting others before yourself.

While it’s great to be generous and caring, there’s a fine line between giving because it feels good and giving because you’re seeking love and affection in return.

Growing up without enough warmth and affection can sometimes lead us to over-give in our adult relationships. We try to provide what we lacked, hoping that it will fill our emotional void.

Recognizing this pattern is crucial. It’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs. Healthy relationships are about balance, not just giving.

5) An inability to form deep connections

Have you ever felt like you’re surrounded by acquaintances, but no real, deep connections?

Like there’s always an invisible wall preventing you from truly getting close to someone?

It’s a strange paradox – we’re social beings designed for connection, yet sometimes, forming these connections can be incredibly challenging.

Research has found that those who lacked emotional warmth during their formative years might find it hard to build meaningful relationships in adulthood.

It’s like learning a dance without knowing the steps – it feels awkward and confusing.

If this resonates with you, it could be a sign that you grew up starved for warmth and affection. Still, it’s never too late to learn the dance of connection. Be patient with yourself – deep bonds take time to form.

6) A struggle with self-love and self-care

You’re your toughest critic, aren’t you? That little voice in your head rarely ever gives you a break, constantly pointing out flaws and mistakes.

And when it comes to doing something kind for yourself, it’s always pushed to the bottom of your to-do list.

I understand. I’ve been there too.

Growing up without much warmth and affection can sometimes make it difficult to love and care for ourselves. We might feel we don’t deserve it or that there are more important things to focus on.

But let me tell you something – you are important. You’re deserving of love, care, and kindness, especially from yourself.

Learning to love oneself is a journey that begins with a single step. And it’s a journey worth taking.

7) A heightened sensitivity to rejection

“NO” – it’s just a two-letter word. But oh boy, does it sting! Especially when it feels like a personal attack, doesn’t it?

A heightened sensitivity to rejection could be more than just fear of disappointment. It could be a sign of an affection-starved upbringing.

When we don’t receive enough warmth and affection as children, we often interpret rejection as a confirmation of our fears – that we’re not worthy of love or attention. This makes every no, every rejection, feel like a punch in the gut.

Rejection is a part of life, not an evaluation of your self-worth. 

Leaving the past behind

Recognizing these signs may stir up a mix of emotions. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to feel sad, and it’s okay to feel angry. But remember, these feelings are just visitors – they don’t define you.

If you resonate with these signs, know that it’s not a life sentence. It’s simply a testament to your past, not a prophecy of your future.

We can’t change our childhood experiences, but we can choose how they shape our adulthood. You have the power to break free from these patterns and cultivate warmth and affection in your life.

Start by acknowledging your experiences. Then, gradually work on healing. It could be through therapy, self-help books, or simply having open conversations with loved ones.

No journey of change is linear. There will be bumps and detours along the way. But every step you take towards healing is a step away from the past.

As you embark on this journey, remember to be kind to yourself. Healing takes time, and it’s okay to go at your own pace.