9 subtle signs that a man’s attraction towards you won’t last, according to psychology

Gemma Clarke by Gemma Clarke | June 10, 2024, 4:07 pm

The initial stages of dating are exhilarating. 

However, butterflies in the stomach and a strong sexual attraction do not always mean a blossoming romance is on the horizon.

More often than not, a relationship that has a promising beginning can fizzle out unexpectedly.

This happens when the attraction is purely physical, and there is a lack of emotional connection.

So, how can you tell if a man’s attraction towards you may not last?

According to psychologists, the following subtle signs can signal that a man is only interested in a fleeting fling with you…

1) He only messages you when he wants to meet up

Look at the type of texts the guy in question sends you. 

Does he text you to say good morning or check in with you each evening, asking how your day was?

Or does he only text you when he wants to meet up?

If it’s the latter, this suggests that he is only interested in a fling and feels no emotional connection.

Because here’s the truth…

When we’re genuinely into someone, we want to speak to them all the time. By continuously texting, we get to know the person better.

So, if you notice any of the following texting behaviors, it’s likely that the guy’s interest is waning:

  • You always have to text him first
  • He is only responsive to your messages if it’s about meeting up
  • He takes ages to reply to you
  • Your text exchanges are always short
  • His answers are short and blunt
  • He never texts to ask about your day 

2) He doesn’t ask questions about your life

Another sign that a man’s attraction to you won’t last is if his lack of communication extends to in person.

For example, does he seem interested in learning more about you and your life, or does he constantly talk about himself?

According to sociologist Charles Derber, a person who only talks about themselves may be a “conversational narcissist.”

Charles believes that these people are not just self-absorbed but also have manipulative traits.

Conversational narcissists like to feel in control, and if they do not, they may use manipulative tactics like gaslighting on you.

Therefore, if the guy in question seems uninterested in your life, this indicates that he doesn’t care about you and could be toxic!

Here’s another communication red flag…

3) Your conversations are always surface-level

Psychological research shows that meaningful conversations are how we forge deep bonds with each other.

So, if a man acts cold and guarded in your conversations, this suggests he is not interested in deepening your connection.

Men keep conversations on the surface level when they are only interested in someone superficially.

This is a prevalent sign among men who fear commitment or like to play the field. They avoid having meaningful interactions with their partners as they don’t want to catch feelings. 

Moreover, if you try to initiate a deep conversation with them, they will likely react awkwardly and try to change the subject.

Another common way that men avoid emotional intimacy is through physical intimacy. 

For example, if every time you try to get him to open up, he starts kissing you or initiates sex; this is apparent emotional avoidance. 

4) He doesn’t show concern for your safety 

A 2017 research article published in Personality and Social Psychology Review (PSPR) explored the key differences between a casual and serious relationship.

One thing researchers found shifts a relationship from casual to serious is this… 

Desire to protect their partner.

They noted that a man displays healthy protective behaviors towards a woman he wants to commit to. These include:

  • Walking closest to the traffic when walking down the road together
  • Offering to drive you home instead of leaving you to make your own way home
  • Asking you to text him when you get home at night
  • Sticking up for you when someone speaks to you in a condescending way

Considering these findings, if the man you’re dating shows no desire to care for and protect you, his attraction towards you may be purely physical and won’t last.

5) He doesn’t make plans with you

If a man sees you in his future, he will initiate conversations about the future and make plans with you that extend beyond the current week.

For example, he might mention a special restaurant he wants to take you to in a few weeks or suggest a fun activity to do next month.

In contrast, when a man is only interested in something casual, you’ll find it incredibly difficult to make plans beyond the current day!

For example, if you ask him on Monday about doing something together on the weekend, you’ll get a very blunt response like ‘We’ll see’ or ‘It’s too early to make plans now.’

When guys lack emotional connection, they avoid making plans more than a day or two in advance because of this harsh truth…

They don’t know how they will feel about you in a few days.

These guys are not in the relationship for the long run. They take it one day at a time, keeping their options open. 

They won’t plan something with you next week because before then, there is a good chance they will get a better offer or lose interest.

6) He only compliments you on your looks

Another way you can tell what a guy likes about you is by what they compliment you on.

For example, does he compliment your personality or mention how much of a good person you are?

Or does he only compliment you on your looks or sexual skills?

If it’s the latter, this shows that he is only interested in you for these things.

A guy who only values appearance cannot hold down a long-term relationship.

Here’s why…

At the start of a relationship, we put much effort into looking good for our new partner. At this stage, they see us only at our best.

So if a guy only values your looks, what happens when he sees you at your worst?

Yep, you’ve guessed it. He is no longer attracted to you, and his eyes are already wandering.

Now let’s talk about a subtle sign that suggests you unconsciously know a guy is only interested in your looks…

7) You feel uncomfortable wearing no makeup around him

Many women feel shy about their new boyfriend seeing them with messy hair and a nude face for the first time. 

In fact, some women are incredibly self-conscious about this.

But here’s the thing…

When a guy is interested in you for more than your looks, he will ease your insecurities and make you feel more comfortable about this.

He might even comment on how naturally beautiful you are or how he prefers you in trackies and a ponytail than all made up.

However…

If a guy is interested in you for only your looks, your insecurities will increase, not reduce.

He might make “jokes” about how you look in the morning, laugh at your hair, or criticize you for not making enough effort. 

Moreover, a guy who always wants you to look made-up will likely hold himself to the same standards….

8) He’s obsessed with his appearance 

There is a vast difference between taking pride in your appearance and obsessing over it.

According to psychology, people who are overly obsessed with their appearance have low self-esteem.

They may seem confident and even egotistical from the outside, but often, this is a defense mechanism to hide their insecurities. 

What’s more, a man who is obsessed with his appearance is likely to be shallow and lacking in intellectual or mental depth.

This means that if the only thing he values about himself is his looks, you can be sure that’s all he values about you!

9) You see him checking out other women

Finally, another clear telltale sign that a man’s attraction towards you won’t last is if he is seeking attention or validation from other sources. 

This is not always obvious. For example, a guy might not flirt with other women in front of you. 

Instead, you might notice his eyes wander whenever an attractive woman walks past. Or you might see how he always likes selfies of other women on social media.

But does checking out other women mean he will cheat or leave you for someone better?

Well, according to research on the psychology of flirting, there are six primary motivations behind why people flirt. There are:

  • Sex
  • Relational
  • Exploring
  • Fun
  • A self-esteem boost
  • Persuasion

However, what’s interesting is that researchers found that men are more likely to flirt to gain sex than women.

So, if the guy you’re dating is flirtatious with other women, you’re right to be concerned!

Final thoughts 

Dating can be incredibly frustrating when you seek a committed, long-term partner.

In the early stages of dating, it is easy to mistake physical interest for a deep, emotional connection.

So, understanding the subtle signs that a man is only interested in a casual relationship can save you a lot of heartache. 

Knowing what to look out for will allow you to focus your time and energy on men who appreciate you for more than your looks!