7 subtle signs someone is being “fake nice” to you, according to psychology

Mia Zhang by Mia Zhang | September 23, 2024, 9:36 pm

“Fake” is used for artificially created things—whether it’s a knock-off handbag or a synthetic gem—but what about when it comes to people?

Sometimes, the artificiality isn’t so easy to spot.

People can be just as fake as objects, hiding behind smiles and compliments while masking their true intentions.

It’s a behavior that we all encounter at some point, yet it can be tricky to pinpoint..

In this article, we’ll explore 7 signs that someone’s friendliness might not be as authentic as it seems, all backed by psychology.

These little cues can help you see through the mask and understand what’s really going on beneath the surface. Let’s take a closer look.

1) They give overly sweet compliments

We all appreciate a well-placed compliment. It can boost our mood, brighten our day, and make us feel appreciated.

But here’s the thing.

When compliments become excessive, or don’t quite align with the situation, your ‘compliment radar’ might start ringing. Fake niceness often manifests in over-the-top praises.

It’s like this.

Genuine compliments come from a place of sincerity and are usually specific, relevant to the context and reflect an understanding of who you are as an individual.

On the other hand, fake compliments often feel generic, forced or overly enthusiastic.

So next time when someone showers you with lavish praises, just take a moment. Reflect on whether the compliments align with your own perception and the context. Because, sometimes, less is more.

2) They’re rarely the first to reach out

It’s funny, isn’t it?

There are some people in our lives who seem incredibly friendly and warm when we bump into them. But take a second and think about it. How often do they initiate contact or organize a get-together?

I had this friend back in college, let’s call her Jane. Whenever we ran into each other on campus, she was all smiles and friendly banter.

But outside of these chance encounters, I realized I was always the one texting first or suggesting we hang out.

And that’s when it hit me.

Someone who is genuinely interested in you and values your relationship will put in the effort to maintain that connection.

The responsibility won’t always fall on you. Constantly being the one to initiate may be a subtle sign of ‘fake niceness.’

Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you at all. It could simply mean they’re not as invested in the relationship as you thought. And that’s okay. It’s better to know where you stand, right?

3) Their body language doesn’t match their words

Here’s a nugget of wisdom I’ve picked up over the years: words can lie, but the body seldom does.

We’ve all been there, haven’t we?

A person is saying all the right things—the perfect cocktail of compliments and agreeable statements. But something is off. Their body language is telling a different story.

Our subconscious actions often reveal what we’re truly feeling. It could be as subtle as a fleeting grimace, a lack of eye contact, or a stiffness in their posture.

These are little things, easy to miss if you’re not paying attention. But they’re significant.

Genuine warmth and niceness are usually accompanied by open body language—leaning in, maintaining eye contact, or mirroring your actions. But when someone is being ‘fake nice,’ their body language contradicts their words.

4) They’re agreeable…too agreeable

It’s lovely to have someone agree with your ideas or opinions. It makes you feel heard, validated, and connected. However, constant agreement, even in situations where differing opinions are clear, can raise suspicion.

Real friendships thrive on authenticity, which includes respectful disagreements. It’s natural—and healthy—for friends to have different perspectives and engage in constructive debates.

A person who always nods along with everything you say might be masking their true feelings.

This constant agreement could indicate ‘fake niceness.’ They might be avoiding conflict, seeking approval, or hiding their real thoughts. Genuine connections are built on honesty, not just agreement.

Oscar Wilde reminds us, “A true friend stabs you in the front.” Repeatedly echoing your ideas without offering their own could be a sign of insincerity.

Authenticity matters more than simply going along with everything, so it’s important to take note.

5) Their niceness is inconsistent

True kindness is steady and unwavering. A genuinely kind person shows empathy and consideration, regardless of their mood, the people around them, or the situation.

Whether interacting with a boss, a peer, or a barista at a coffee shop, their behavior remains consistent.

But when someone is being ‘fake nice’, their niceness can come in waves.

One day they’re your best friend, and the next day they barely acknowledge your existence. Or perhaps they’re super sweet to you in private, but in public, they hardly give you the time of day.

This inconsistency can be confusing and even hurtful. But it’s vital to keep in mind that this says more about them than it does about you. True kindness doesn’t come with conditions or an on-off switch.

6) They’re quick to gossip

Ever encountered someone who’s all too eager to share the latest gossip or spill someone else’s secrets?

While it may seem like harmless chatter at first, it’s a red flag that could indicate someone being “fake nice.”

This type of person thrives on sharing juicy details, but there’s a hidden risk: a person who gossips to you will likely gossip about you too.

Their willingness to break others’ trust for the sake of entertainment or attention reveals a deeper issue—a lack of respect for boundaries and privacy.

As Eleanor Roosevelt once wisely said, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”

Genuine people value integrity and understand the importance of keeping confidences.

They engage in meaningful discussions that don’t come at the expense of others.

These individuals know that how you speak about others reflects your own character, and they focus on building connections grounded in honesty and respect.

7) They’re only nice when they want something

One noticeable sign of someone being “fake nice” is when their kindness follows a pattern, particularly when they need something from you.

It’s that colleague who is suddenly all smiles and full of compliments on the day they need you to cover their shift, or the friend who only reaches out when they need help moving or a favor of some sort.

This type of behavior can be frustrating because it feels transactional, as if their friendliness is simply a means to an end.

Genuine kindness, however, doesn’t come with strings attached. It’s consistent and sincere, regardless of personal gain.

Thea Nishimori puts it, “Character is how you treat people who can’t do anything for you in return.” True relationships are built on care and respect, not on what someone can get out of you.

Final thoughts

Navigating the social world can be tricky. Encountering ‘fake niceness’ can leave us feeling confused, doubted, or even hurt. But this isn’t a reflection on you.

What’s crucial is empowering yourself with awareness. Recognizing these signs is the first step toward understanding people’s motives and managing your interactions better.

Be patient with yourself. This isn’t labelling people or making hasty judgments. It’s enhancing your social wisdom.

At the end of the day, surround yourself with those who uplift you, respect you, and value your relationship genuinely. Because genuine connection is the heart of true friendship.

Keep shining your light. The right people will see it and appreciate it for what it truly is.