If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you know it can be a roller coaster of ups and downs, mixed with both charm and manipulation.

But what happens when a narcissist changes? It’s not impossible, though psychology tells us it’s rare.

Narcissism is a personality trait, not a choice. And like other traits, it exists on a spectrum. There are those who demonstrate subtle signs of change, showing they’re working to reform their narcissistic ways.

In this article, we will be diving into the world of reformed narcissists, identifying seven subtle signs of transformation according to psychology. 

1) Ownership of past behaviors

A major sign of a reformed narcissist is the ownership and acknowledgment of past behaviors. Narcissists are often notorious for manipulating situations to their advantage and avoiding responsibility for their actions.

However, if you notice a shift where someone who previously demonstrated narcissistic traits is now willing to accept their past mistakes, this could be a significant indication of change.

For instance, they might openly admit their history of manipulative behavior and express genuine remorse for the impact it had on others.

This transformation doesn’t happen overnight and involves a great deal of introspection and effort on their part. It also requires a solid understanding of empathy, something that narcissists initially struggle with.

This shift from self-centeredness to self-awareness is a substantial move in the right direction. It shows they’re working towards becoming better individuals, breaking away from the narcissistic patterns they once exhibited.

2) Increased vulnerability

It might be surprising to find that a reformed narcissist may display increased levels of vulnerability.

In the past, they would have been more likely to wear an armor of invulnerability to protect their ego and image. But as part of their transformation, they start breaking down those walls, opening up about their fears, insecurities, and even failures.

This shift can be quite unexpected. After all, vulnerability is typically perceived as a weakness, especially by narcissists who value power and control. However, embracing vulnerability signifies emotional maturity and a willingness to connect authentically with others.

This is a significant step away from the typical narcissistic need for admiration and affirmation.

But again, it’s important to observe this over time. Is their vulnerability consistent and genuine? Or is it being used as another form of manipulation? This balance is key to identifying real change in a previously narcissistic individual.

3) Active listening

One of the key characteristics of narcissists is their need to always be the center of attention.

They usually dominate conversations, focusing primarily on themselves. However, a sign of a reformed narcissist is the transition from being self-focused to others-focused. An example of this is through active listening.

Active listening involves not just hearing words but also understanding and responding to them. It requires full concentration, understanding, responding, and then remembering what’s being said.

For a reformed narcissist, this is a significant change from their previous behavior. It shows their willingness to shift the focus from themselves to others. It also indicates that they value other people’s opinions and feelings, not just their own.

The development is indicative of a significant shift in mindset and behavior, pointing towards positive change.

4) Offering genuine compliments

Imagine a moment where the individual who once sought constant praise and validation is now the one offering genuine compliments to others. This is a clear sign of a reformed narcissist.

In the past, they may have used flattery as a tool for manipulation. But now, they’re complimenting others without any ulterior motives. They appreciate and acknowledge the good in others, and aren’t afraid to express it.

This shift in behavior is a significant step towards empathy. By recognizing the positive attributes of others, they are showing that they are not threatened by other people’s success or value.

It’s a testament to their growing emotional maturity and capacity for kindness.

5) Seeking feedback

We’ve all been there – that moment when we swallow our pride and ask for feedback. It’s tough because criticism isn’t always easy to take, but it’s an essential part of growth.

For a reformed narcissist, this step is monumental. A narcissist’s self-perception is often inflated and they tend to reject any critique or feedback. But if you find them asking for your opinion or thoughts on their actions or decisions, it could be a sign they are making progress.

It’s important, though, to observe how they respond to the feedback given. Are they genuinely open to hearing it and making changes, or do they react negatively?

This response will show whether the request for feedback is a genuine sign of reformation or a facade.

6) Demonstrating patience

Think about the last time you were stuck in traffic or had to wait in a long line at the grocery store. It’s frustrating, right?

Now imagine someone who previously would have reacted with irritation or anger to such situations, but is now calm and patient. This change can be a subtle sign of a reformed narcissist.

Narcissists are often characterized by their need for instant gratification.

But when you see them demonstrating more patience, whether it’s waiting for their turn in a conversation or dealing with a delay, it could be a sign of change.

Developing patience indicates a decrease in self-centeredness and an increase in tolerance and understanding. 

7) Apologizing sincerely

Let’s face it, apologies can be hard to give. It’s even harder when the person has a history of narcissistic behavior where admitting fault is seen as a sign of weakness. 

Narcissists are notoriously bad at offering genuine apologies as it requires them to admit their flaws and mistakes. However, if they’ve begun to say ‘I’m sorry’ and mean it, it’s a clear sign of growth and change.

A sincere apology involves more than just uttering the words. It means acknowledging the mistake, taking responsibility for the actions, understanding the impact on the other person, and making amends.

Keep in mind though, real change is demonstrated by consistent and authentic remorse followed by improved behavior.

Consistency is key

Here’s the thing – change doesn’t happen overnight. Especially when it comes to reforming narcissistic behaviors, it’s a journey that requires time and effort.

The most important sign of a reformed narcissist is consistent positive behavior over time.

It’s easy to slip back into old habits, especially under stress or pressure. However, a reformed narcissist will maintain their new behaviors consistently, even in challenging situations.

A sustained shift in behavior and attitude outweighs isolated incidents of change – a consistent pattern of empathy, respect for others, self-awareness and accountability.